Dear Me
A love letter to Self … or what started as a love letter
Every year, at the beginning of the year, I write a letter to the future me at the end of the same year. I read the letter at the end of the year and reflect on my progress in various aspects of my life such as love, family, career, health, and home.
This is not a letter to a future me. This is a letter to the present me. The one I see in the mirror.
You. I see you there. I know you see me as well. I see you and I want you to know, that I love you very much.
I know we sometimes disagree. We often discuss and have different points of view. Like, sometimes I fear that we are not good enough, and you argue that nobody ever thinks they are good enough. You also say that I should not worry about being too hard on myself because it’s a sign of healthy criticism to doubt myself.
Doubt everything, you say. Including yourself.
And I’m like … but that doesn’t make me feel good. Shouldn’t I rather believe in myself? Stop negative thinking? Be positive and go easy on myself, yada yada? Come on, me in the mirror, tell me I should believe in myself.
Yeah, sure, you should believe in yourself, you say to me.
I raise my eyebrow. Didn’t you like just say the opposite?
Yeah, no, well … yeah. But my point is, whatever you do or think, it’s just part of being human. So don’t be too hard on yourself, even about the fact that you are being too hard on yourself.
Mkay, I say. But perhaps I would rather think positively about myself. Like, you know, reminding myself, that I actually have a lot to offer, that I should not be scared of doing things and making mistakes because nobody is perfect and making mistakes means that I am learning and doing, and the only way to become better at something is first to do a lot of things that suck and being okay with that. Yeah, I think I like that tone of voice better.
There, you go, buddy! You say with satisfaction. And smile at me in the mirror. Or maybe it is me who is smiling at you. I feel like blowing you a kiss, and so I do.
Were we not writing a letter? You ask.
Oh yeah sure, we were. But then I remembered that you were right there beside me, so why write to each other, when I can just tell you directly?
Because that’s what teenagers do, you say. Sit in the same room and send messages and snaps?
But we are not teenagers.
You sure?
And there we go again, doubting everything. Sure, my birth year says that we cannot define ourselves as teenagers. But then who’s to say that time is a linear thing, also, maybe we are in a simulation in a computer and time is just an artificial tick in the CPU, or maybe time is an illusion and doesn’t exist at all, because particles don’t have an arrow of time and the antiparticle of an electron can be defined as an electron travelling backwards in time, and maybe we are all just made of the same electron travelling back and forth in time, as that Wheeler guy said to Richard Feynman.
And one of us, I don’t even remember who anymore, because there are so many of us in here, but one of us says: Stop yourself now. We are sidetracking.
So I backtrack and try to remember what we were talking about. Oh yeah, we were writing a letter but then started this conversation because we were sitting in the same room. And I say, that yeah, but like maybe, when we write stuff like that down, we can always look at it later and so oooh and aaah, and remember our wise words to each other. Maybe we will want to read a love letter at a time when we need it the most.
Okay, that actually makes sense, one of us says. Although not completely convinced that we are as smart as we think. But then I remember that we are, and it’s okay to think that we are, in the privacy of our selves. And who cares anyway?
Where were we now?
Oh yeah. The letter.
Dear me: I love you, you are awesome, you are smart, you are funny, you are charismatic, you are a loving and caring person, at the same time, you are also independent, you go your own way, you are open-minded, but also great at evaluating information and thinking critically about it. You are reflective, you are courageous when you keep facing your fears, you are a lifelong learner, and you are an inspiration to others. Don’t forget that and treat yourself with the respect that you deserve. I know you are doing your best in that area as well. So keep doing whatever you are doing, and everything will be alright. I love you very much, and I wish the best for you. Let’s flow through the endless possibilities of the Universe together.
Love and hugs and kisses,
The other me,
or perhaps,
Dolores Darkmatter
