Dear Self (Letter 9)
Dear Self,
It’s been a while since I wrote to you. I can’t believe it’s already a month since my last letter and believe me when I echo this, life lately has been Incredible to the extent where I want to weep only tears of happiness.
Walking into March felt like stepping into a whole other different world. It’s like a world where only peace existed and yes, after a dark February, March was exactly what I needed.
In hindsight, I’m grateful February happened because if it didn’t then I wouldn’t probably be writing this letter to you.
Also speaking of March, I think I do want to get a tattoo and I believe I’m gravitating towards a phoenix.
The moment I laid my eyes on a phoenix tattoo, I knew it was the one because I was instantly drawn. Something about rising from ashes struck a chord within me and now I do see myself getting inked.
Also, finally, my friend flew down from Germany for a brief visit to India, and my God, I cannot believe how happy my soul felt.
And the moment we hugged, all I could see was how her eyes twinkled under the warm light.
We immediately grab a spot in my favorite restaurant and I order some of my favorite food not knowing if she is going to like any of what I ordered.
The dishes arrive and I’m a tad bit nervous. With every bite, I’m trying to gauge her expressions, and a few moments later she lets me know how much she’s enjoying the food.
I label it as her modesty and don’t think beyond it. It was later that I was convinced when she wiped out all the dishes clean.
I feel a wave of relief wash over me knowing I made the right choice and I sit there smiling in silence.
We move on to the dessert counter and the next few hours pass by in a flash. I am tempted to not leave the spot yet I decide to leave assuring we will meet again soon.
Speaking of my mother, I believe, I’m the luckiest daughter alive on this planet called Earth. Recently I garnered some needed courage to talk to her about recent difficult events.
I needed her to appreciate my efforts in certain aspects of my life that entailed her. Yet I knew the conversation would end up hurting her.
I gave myself some much-needed time if I wanted to go ahead with my decision. After 3 whole days, I finally managed to talk to her and I knew her initial reaction would be of someone who is deeply hurt.
And she indeed was hurt.
Even though I felt miserable, I knew we needed this to improve our ability to comprehend one another.
I let her know the intention behind my actions and leave for the day letting her ponder in her thoughts.
I saw her face shrink when she waved me goodbye and my heart ached witnessing her sight.
The entire day I wondered if my mother was doing okay and if I committed a mistake in letting her know my feelings.
In the evening, I pick up her favorite tub of ice cream and head home. Million thoughts filled my mind yet with each step; I kept telling myself that I could handle this.
The moment I arrive, she casts her glance onto her favorite tub of ice cream and I immediately notice how her face lights up.
I mumble under my breath knowing I earned some brownie points on this activity.
Also, I couldn’t help but notice how her actions changed ever since that conversation because the very same painful conversation brought us closer than ever.
It made me much more considerate of her life and hers with mine.
I’ve realized sometimes, such conversations are needed to see someone in a new light and I’m glad I listened to my primal instincts.
March brought me way closer to myself. Something changed within me for the right reasons and I know you’ve been worried about me for a while now but would you believe me if I told you how irrevocably happy I am right now?
This life of mine is truly a blessing and it’s only matter of time when things come around.
Also, I need you to stop worrying about me like I’m going to fall apart because believe me, I won’t. Even if I have moments where I’m pushed to the ground, I will climb my way to the top because that’s where I belong.
With that, I notice that this letter is already running a bit too long so I’m concluding for now.
I’ll be back with more updates in my next letter.
Until then, take good care of yourself.
Love Always,
Self.
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