Defiance with Benevolence — Story of Abha Khatrapal

Published in

ILLUMINATION

6 min readSep 26, 2022

On the arrival of the Navratri festival, sharing the story of a Woman on Empowerment, inspiration & crossing all the hurdles.

With a pleasant smile dressed in vibrant yellow, with a beautiful couple picture in the background, Abha Khetarpal appeared on the mobile screen the moment the video was on.

Just after a few quick casual chit-chats, we began our conversation. Initially, I felt she was a bit shy but within a few minutes of our conversation, she became a free talker.

Abhaji’s views were extremely powerful, thoughtful, and deep. Her elucidation of various complex social issues is deeply rooted in challenging the status quo and creating an impact.

Sharing excerpts from a highly engaging and eye-opening conversation

About her:

National Awardee Abha Khetarpal is the president of ‘Cross the Hurdles’, an NGO. She is a counselor, teacher, author, and disability rights, activist. She has been awarded National Award for the Empowerment of Persons with Disabilities by The President of India Honourable Late Dr. Pranab Mukherjee in 2016, the 100 Women Achievers Award by the Ministry of Women & Child Development. Abhaji is the first woman from India to be honoured with Henry Viscardi Award. The list of her achievements is way too long for me to accommodate here. She is an active member of the Women Economic Forum (WEF) and Sexual Harassment Committee, Department of Disability Affairs, Ministry Of Social Justice & Empowerment.

The teacher discovered the writer within:

While she continued to enjoy her passion for teaching, she found something a missed within her. Abhaji was very keen to solve the lack of education due to accessibility issues. She saw a gulf between education providers and learners due to accessibility challenges. Subsequently, the inner quest discovered an author with her. That’s where the newly discovered author in her joined hands with the teacher within. That gave birth to a new vision. She started working towards her vision by providing a Self-Paced online curriculum related to sexuality education, etiquette while dealing with a person with a disability & many more. She has also published several books related to aforesaid subjects.

Her inspiration:

She drew her inspiration from her parents. Her parents brought her up believing in her capabilities rather than limitations.

While we were discussing the subject of inspiration, she used the word Inspirational porn many times. So, I was intrigued to know what’s this all about.

Inspirational porn:

Stella Young, an Australian comedian, writer, and disability rights activist coined this term. The term attracted a lot of public attention. There is no textbook definition but per Wikipedia, Inspiration porn is the portrayal of people with disabilities as being inspirational to able-bodied people based on their life circumstances. In simple terms when able-bodied people draw inspiration by depicting a person with disabilities as :

An object of pity
If they (person with disabilities) can do it, what’s your (able-bodied) excuse
Objectifying in any form
Poor or comical projection in movies of anyone with disabilities

Abhaji recalled one such example of her childhood. One of her known commented to a student, look at Abha, if she can score these marks then why you couldn’t? You don’t have any disability. I was hurt by this heart-piercing comment, Abhaji said in conclusion.

There are many ways inspirational porn does a disservice to bringing in inclusivity. It is important to understand the concept and stay void of it.

https://lucindathee.com/ableism-101-inspiration-porn-sounds-as-disgusting-as-its-name/

https://www.thinkinclusive.us/post/4-examples-of-inspiration-porn

Change in society’s outlook:

Imagine if someone is constantly staring at you, how would you feel? Well, irrespective of your age or gender, anyone staring at us makes us extremely uncomfortable. Though, the subject of being a constant stare wasn’t abnormal for Abhaji. On many occasions, people stare at her when going out during her growing years. Resultant, she became extremely reclusive, remained indoors, and refrain from any activity which involved going out in public.

However, she does feel that things have changed for the better, all thanks to education, focus on inclusion, economic growth, and increased exposure. While there is still a long way to go, the young generation plays a significant role in driving the change.

Etiquette (don’t & do’s):

There is an excellent list of etiquette related to mannerism, conduct, language, treatment, etc which Abhaji has complied. I will leave the link at the bottom. I can comfortably say having read the material myself, that it’s one of the best information I have read. Please don’t miss it. I will only pick a few here but will encourage you to please go through this link http://onlinecourses.crossthehurdles.org/courses/adults/10.

Address them as a person first i.e. He/ She is physically challenged or disabled or specially-abled or challenged etc. Instead say, a person with a disability
Don’t play with their wheelchair, walker, or hearing aids. They are part of an individual’s “personal space”
Guide dogs are working animals and should not be treated as pets. Do not give the dog instructions, play with, or touch it without the permission of its owner
Recognizing diversity, accept and embrace it
Don’t stare at them. It makes them extremely uncomfortable
Dig deeper to understand better them as an individual

Corporate’s role in promoting Inclusion:

Abhaji firmly believes that inclusion at the workplace is extremely critical to truly empowering the community instead of sugar-coated, feel-good vocabulary dedicated to the community. Financial independence is a great impetus in building self-confidence, self-esteem & self-belief.

She curated modules to help corporate adapt in their journey to promote inclusion in the workplace. Additionally, she provides consulting to both ends of the spectrum i.e. job seekers and job providers on how to accommodate each other’s interests.

In addition, she also provides education on sexual wellness and prevention of sexual harassment in the workplace.

Life lessons:

1) Self-advocacy: No one knows your strength better than you. Thus, no one can be the best advocate for you than yourself. So proudly self-advocate yourself and the world will believe in you.

2) Stand for human rights: Stop looking at yourself with self-pity, instead stand up for your human rights.

3) Equality in Diversity: Equality without diversity is incomplete. We all are uniquely built and thus offer unique strengths.

Her various pursuits:

Abhaji has dedicated her life to the upliftment & empowerment of the community of persons with disabilities. She is currently providing consultancy in setting up inclusive workplaces, sensitization training & coaching, counseling, writing books, and designing training curricula for educators, colleges, start-ups, SMEs, large corporations, and NGOs.

She has also been featured as a protagonist in the 61st National Award-winning documentary movie Accsex directed by Shweta Ghosh, PhD She has also featured in ‘What’s Your Choice — Stop Mistreating People with Disabilities’, an episode on NDTV in 2015.

When not working:

Abhaji loves to listen to music. However, she chuckles with her husband, she gets attached to one song in a day and plays in a non-stop loop. She loves shopping and if not shopping, doesn’t mind strolling around in shopping malls.

In conclusion, there are many more stories to be written about Abha Khetarpal. I congratulate her for all her awards & recognition and wish her all the best for all her great work in the coming years.