Detoxification of Toxic Negativity
Especially when negativity comes at you from others like a wave
Recently, I came across toxic negativity. It was my supervisor that spread out the negativity. We were talking on the phone about a project that he hadn’t taken care of for a long time (like more than 3 months) and I said I would like to finish it at short notice. I don’t know why, all of a sudden, he got rude, and he said, “Don’t bore me!” (in a really rude manner). I was shocked and did not wait for that kind of reaction. I couldn’t be able to say anything but okay and goodbye.
It is not my first time coming across negativity. But when the tone quickly changes, it becomes unexpected. After the call, I was so furious at myself for not saying anything and at him for treating me like this. I decided to take some time off from everything in my life. I preferred to talk with my family and friends. I watched comedy shows a lot to forget the unpleasant experience and keep the positive spirit up.
After some time, I realized that he was persistently making excuses. He was also creating some conflict when I talked about coming to an end with the project. Even though he praises my skills, he brushes off me somehow. He is a psychologically abusive supervisor.
Abuse of supervision is also a part of toxic negativity, particularly in work settings. But I won’t discuss this topic because toxic people throw negative emotions at us as if we are some kind of dumpster. So, in this piece, I want to focus on how to get rid of negative emotions coming from others.
1. Create some space with the situation
Negativity can be infectious and trigger some unnecessary and unwanted reactions for the moment. Responding to strong emotions will not only draw you deeper into negativity but will also cause you to lose your plausible clear vision. Instead of taking quick actions with angry emotions or irrational urges, breathe deeply, analyze the emotions and create some space with the situation.
You can create some space by taking your time, such as focusing on your hobbies or other activities that you enjoy doing. In this way, you can relax and think objectively about the situation. Also, you can counsel your support system to gain a new perspective on the event. Sharing thoughts and emotions can also assist you in staying balanced.
2. Create some space with the person by setting boundaries
This type of toxic people comes along with negativity and a certain amount of manipulation. They love creating conflict and making drama out of it. They use this drama and manipulation to get what they want. They also become disrespectful to your boundaries while getting it. Cutting the toxic people out of your life is always an option, but sometimes you cannot do that, so setting boundaries is a great alternative.
You can set boundaries by guiding the conversation. I would like to use the term “reframing” to explain this. You can reframe the boundaries by saying, “If you continue like this, I am going.” or “I would like to remind you that you are speaking with a colleague.”
3. Refocus on your goal
Instead of thinking about how troubling the whole thing is, remind yourself why you are doing this. It helps you focus on your target and forget about everything else, allowing you to control your emotions and reduce the stress of the situation.
In summary, there will always be some people who express their emotions negatively. No matter how these negative people treat us, it is on us to choose our reactions and attitudes. You can wait before reacting to the situation, if possible. During break time, you can direct your attention to things that will make you feel good. It can be spending time with family members, hobbies, or even comedy shows (this one is my favorite, by the way).
If it is unlikely to take some time, you can try to remind them of the boundaries. Don’t worry if you weren’t able to follow both advice. You can always think back on your goal. By doing so, it will give you the power to continue.
Let’s not forget positivity is also contagious as much as negativity. You can bring positivity even by just smiling. In doing so, you will not only feel better but also stay focused on positive things.
A positive mindset brings positive things.— Phillip Reiter
