Developing Active Listening Skills
How To Listen And Not Just Hear
Do you ever find yourself wondering why a certain person can remember almost every detail of a conversation, while you are left with only a vague recollection of the discussion? The difference lies in the ability to actively listen.
Active listening is a skill that helps you to truly understand and process what someone is saying. It allows you to remember details, recognize underlying emotions, and build stronger relationships with those around you. Through active listening, you can learn to listen and not just hear.
What is active listening?
To truly understand active listening, you must first understand what passive listening is. Passive listening occurs when someone is not listening to what is being said but is merely waiting for their turn to speak. When you are passive listening, you are not attempting to understand the speaker and their points. Rather, you are waiting for your opportunity to interject with your opinions and thoughts.
Active listening, on the other hand, is when you are truly focused on the person who is speaking. It requires you to be fully present in the conversation and to put your thoughts and opinions on the back burner.
Active listening is not just about hearing the words that are being spoken; it is also about understanding and interpreting the feelings, intentions, and thoughts behind those words.
Benefits of active listening
When you are actively listening, you can truly understand what the other person is saying. This can help you to build better relationships with both friends and colleagues. Those who are actively listened to tend to feel respected, valued, and understood. You will find that you are better able to respond to their concerns and understand their points. This can help you to resolve conflicts, build trust, and have more meaningful conversations.
Because you are truly listening to the person speaking, you will be better able to recognize and understand their emotions. This will help you to respond to them in more effective ways and avoid escalating situations that could have led to misunderstandings. You may also find that you are better able to articulate your own emotions to those around you. This can be helpful both in your personal life and in the workplace.
Signs of active listening
There are a few signs to look for if you are attempting to determine whether or not a person is actively listening to you.
The first is that they are paying attention to your words. When you are speaking, an actively listening person will be focused on your words. They will be looking at you, rather than at their phone. They will not be interjecting their own thoughts and opinions. Instead, they will wait for you to finish speaking before responding.
When someone is actively listening to you, they will also be repeating back what they heard you say in their own words. This can be helpful in two ways. First, it allows you to clarify anything that they may have misheard. It also reassures you that the person is truly listening to what you are saying. If they are repeating back what you said in their own words, it shows that they are actively thinking about what you have said.
Techniques for active listening
There are several techniques that you can use to actively listen to someone. Among these are reflecting feelings, paraphrasing, exploring feelings, asking questions, and validating feelings.
Reflecting feelings is when you reflect the feelings behind the person’s words. For example, if someone says, “I am stressed out,” you might reflect on their feelings by saying, “You sound really stressed out.” Paraphrasing is when you summarize what the person has said and then ask if that is correct. For example, if someone says, “I don’t like my new boss,” you might say, “So, you don’t like your new boss.” They will likely respond with something like, “No, I don’t like my new boss. He is way too strict.”
Paraphrasing allows you to summarize what the person has said, but also to restate their words in your own words. It shows that you are actively listening to what they are saying and that you are actively thinking about it.
Asking questions is another way to actively listen. If you are unsure of what the person is trying to say, or if there is something that you do not understand, you can ask them to clarify their statement. By asking questions, you are showing the person that you are paying attention and that you are truly interested in what they have to say.
Practicing active listening
There are a few ways that you can practice active listening so that you can improve your skills. First, you can try to actively listen to people at work. Pay attention to the conversations that are going on around you, and actively listen to the people who are speaking. Once you have mastered this in your workplace, try to actively listen to people outside of your work environment.
You can start by actively listening to your friends and family members. Another way to practice active listening is to focus on one type of situation where you feel you struggle to actively listen. For example, you may choose to actively listen to someone who has an opposing viewpoint from yours. This will help you to actively listen to someone who may be different from you in some way, making it all the more challenging to actively listen and understand what they have to say.
Ways to improve your active listening skills
There are a few ways that you can improve your active listening skills. The first is to recognize when you are not actively listening. Whenever you catch yourself letting your mind wander or thinking about what you are going to say next, you need to bring your attention back to the person who is speaking.
You can also practice actively listening to others daily. You can start by actively listening to your friends and family members, and then try to actively listen to people you are unfamiliar with. You can also try to listen to your own thoughts and emotions. This will help you to improve your emotional intelligence and will help you to better understand the emotions of others.
Overcoming active listening challenges
One common challenge that people face when trying to actively listen to others is that they feel pressured to respond. You may feel that you must have something to say in response to what the person is saying, or you may feel like you are supposed to have an answer to their concerns. This can be challenging, as it requires you to put your own thoughts and opinions on the back burner.
You can counter this by reminding yourself that you do not need to respond right away. You can take some time to fully process what the person is saying before responding. If you are not sure what to say, you can simply let the other person know that you are processing what they have said. If you feel like you have nothing to say, this is actually a good sign. It means that you are truly listening to what the person is saying and that you are actively processing it.
Common active listening mistakes
Some common mistakes that people make when actively listening include thinking about what they are going to say next, jumping to conclusions, and not considering other points of view. These can be frustrating and challenging to overcome, but with practice, you can avoid these mistakes.
To avoid thinking about what you are going to say next, try to focus all of your attention on the person who is speaking to you. This can be difficult, but once you get the hang of it, it will become much easier. You can also try to avoid jumping to conclusions by waiting until you know for sure what the person is thinking or feeling. And, you can avoid not considering other points of view by actively listening to what the person is saying and really trying to understand where they are coming from.
This article was co-written with a therapist from Sensera — a self-help app that provides daily CBT audio sessions and exercises. The app helps people deal with a variety of mental issues (anxiety, low self-esteem, and relationship problems).
