ILLUMINATION
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ILLUMINATION

Dishonesty Never Finds Sobriety

Geralt; Pixabay

As I was thinking about what the next topic should be that I write about, I decided that I wanted to touch on the subject of honesty. I realized that it was a subject that I haven’t been consciously thinking of much lately, and at first I wasn’t sure how to interpret that. But then as I reflected back to the past several months, I realized that it could be considered a good thing that I haven’t been putting much conscious thought into honesty lately. Perhaps, I am starting to become a natural for honesty and the truth?

Me and honesty (and the lack of) go way back. A lot of my dishonesty can be traced back to times when I believe my mental health was beginning to deteriorate.

Keep in mind that those times were still years before I would be in treatment. So for a long time, I just seemed to be a liar. It had its many masks too.

Some lying had purpose, while other acts of lying were really just pointless. They had no reason, or logic whatsoever. That obviously was a bad place I had myself in, because I was literally lying for absolutely no motive.

account — ID 1866946; Pixabay

I think for the most part, I did recognize the dishonesty. But I obviously only recognized it with myself. I couldn’t admit the problem to another soul. Even though they would had likely known already anyway. No matter who it was. I was really ashamed of that trait of mine.

Little did I know the worst was yet to come.

When I started using and abusing drugs, my brain got more and more twisted. My logic had taken a giant hit. The lying that goes along with drug addiction, added to my already present habit of dishonesty made for a terrible human being, with dishonesty and lack of trust being my worst and main character defect.

joshuaclifford123; Pixabay

I can say with full faith, that for many years, very few if any of the people around me were believing a word that was coming out of my mouth. The addiction issues multiplied the dishonesty habit, and stepped it up to more than just being a liar. It was more like a delusion. I didn’t want to live that way. When I tried to look at a future, it seemed like a life sentence that would never end.

There were countless occasions where I tried and failed miserably to get sober. It wasn’t until later on in life where I learned that a dishonest person never finds sobriety. Dishonesty will never meet sobriety on its journey. All my failed attempts were connected to the lack of trust, and my abundance of lies.

Throughout my treatment and experiences in sobriety, it has been instilled in my mind that one of the greatest tools in combating addiction and relapsing is honesty.

While it’s extremely important to show honesty towards everyone in our lives, it can be even more crucial that we practice self-honesty. We spent a lot of time in our active addiction, believing our own bullshit. And when we start to believe our own lies, we are really at the bottom of the our most hopeless time in life.

Andrew_Poynton; Pixabay

Honesty can be difficult. Especially when in recovery. Being honest, includes being honest with those we hurt most. Making amends, and admitting all the wrongs we did, is a major tool in succeeding in sobriety, but also one of the most difficult things to do. But remember, that nothing important never has come easy.

There can always be light at the end of this dark tunnel. But as you see, it certainly won’t just be handed to anyone. Finding that light, and then reaching it can be most of the greatest feelings we will ever feel not only in sobriety, but in life. It is all part of changing our entire being.

Anything is possible with honesty.

Michitogo; Pixabay

Michael Patanella

is a Trenton, New Jersey Author, Publisher, Columnist, Editor, Advocate, and recovering addict, covering topics of mental health, addiction, sobriety, mindfulness, self-help, faith, spirituality, Smart Recovery, social advocacy, and countless other nonfiction topics. His articles, publications, memoirs, and stories are geared towards being a voice for the voiceless. Hoping to reach others out there still struggling.

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