Flash Fiction
Dissonance
Mouth agape, the snake stared intently through the closed window. After a while, she slowly slithered her way from the window to the ground below.
In spite of her muted appearance and small size, this is no ordinary snake.
The she-snake was once a fine lady, full of pride, and rightfully so. Such a beautiful woman of unique genius is rare. But her manipulative tendencies, conceit, and black-heartedness led to her downfall.
But who could really blame her for her vices? She had gone through a lot and always made it out stronger and better. She learned the art of concealment, behind wall after wall, and raised her hackles at every word.
She was always in fight mode, never not on the defensive. She was well acquainted with suffering, her own and that of others.
Her pain swelled. She was quite obviously losing weight.
It’s her against the darkness. Her eyes, always wet with tears. Then she empties herself of emotion and she feels so much better. At times, she lives and breathes hate to endure each passing day.
The snake continued her lonely journey to her next stop at her sister’s abode. But first, she looked up, down, and around for predators. Then she felt a familiar itch.
Retreating into a corner, she rubbed her nose up against the nearest wall to commence shedding. It’s not the most glamorous process but she enjoys shedding, or the thought of it, anyway. It vaguely reminds her of how showers would always revive her while cleaning and soothing her smooth human skin.
Her beauty had been such that whoever looked at her did a double-take and stared for a smidge too long. Usually, these were surprised or admiring stares. Other times, she averted her eyes from sneers, jeers, loathing, disgust, and envy.
What good is beauty on the outside when you’ve wasted away to hideous beyond recognition inside? She was past understanding. She was past wanting anything other than self-preservation and protection because it’s unbelievable how despicably unfair one’s circumstances can be in life.
All the good things in life seemed to be simultaneously within arm’s reach and unattainably distant. Love? It comes at a cost, one she isn’t- no- can’t pay.
Be humble, they say. She has been humbled enough. Nothing, and no one, can bring her down anymore.
She has waged war against the conventional– the sweet, docile, fragile, helpless, and grossly overrated image of femininity that has long since expired but still pervades the air.
She makes a point to dim her fire because it’s harder to keep it aflame with all around her taking turns trampling it, trying to snuff it out. She can’t help how it shrinks, threatening to die. Being the only guardian, why fight so, when one can let it be and tone it down a tad? And blow about, without foundations, in every breeze such as a fallen leaf does?
Deep, deep, deep down, something beautiful falters and struggles to stay in existence.
An unwanted thought crosses her mind. She resists the urge to scream in frustration and dissolves into slobbery sobs instead.
She would stand stock still, hoping to evade notice. Naturally, she always drew unwanted attention, and she hated it.
Then she would fall into a trance, one in which she could hear nothing and see nothing other than the darkness.
She became one with it and couldn’t tell where it began from where she ended.
She felt shame and tried to part from it entirely. But following a fallout with the one and only love of her life who, in every way, was her other half, she learned to be a whole person in herself. In this way, she learned to make peace with the persistent dark- the madness- and, gradually, embrace it. And yet, she is too often still torn and at war with herself.
She would never forget that fateful day. It started out like any other morning.
She ate a light breakfast, paired with a mug of piping hot black coffee, and commenced preparation. She powdered her face, lined her eyes, and applied her favorite lipstick. After running a hand through her hair, triple-checking her makeup, accessorizing, and examining every side of her outfit in the mirror, she grabbed her designer purse and rushed out the door.
It hurts when your belief in another is bigger than yourself and the individual you’re inexplicably clinging to.
So very confusing when you question what is stopping you from letting go and clear answers do not surface from this inquiry.
Heart-breaking when your own self-belief wavers, you flounder, and there’s no one around to back you up.
Excruciatingly painful when anyone treats you like you’re nothing, and exceptionally so when your loved one does just that.
As bitterness takes root and extends arms in all directions, cold seeps in. Light and warmth are diminished until all that remains is the chill in the dark.
Holiday season spent alone.
No cheer for her.
Disappointment takes hold until anger steals the show. Bitterness seizes control, leaving little else.
Distance so vast it cannot be crossed. Whenever certain unwelcome thoughts surface, she tries to forget about it lest she sinks.
Disappointment, anger, and regret washed over her. She fought to contain the resentment, bitterness, and brewing impatience, fighting it with every fiber of her being.
She was happy until things took a turn for the worse and snatched good feeling away.
She never settles in early for the night. She can’t sleep or stand still, wanting to flee from the weight of injustice and caffeine-induced insomnia.
She’ll be happy when she has met many, if not all, of her self-imposed conditions for a good life. To meet these conditions, she’ll place restrictions on herself. She tells herself that it’ll get easier and easier. And soon, just out of reach, she’ll be enough.
She feels she must squirm out of the chains that encircle her and threaten to squeeze her into nothingness.
But is it too late? She’ll spiral endlessly, forever.
The longing is so great, it aches.
By valuing this connection, or semblance of one, she wonders whether she is taking away from herself. She must be valuing herself less to pour more into something outside of her. At times, she is tethered and secure. Other times, untethered, raging, and vengeful. She has an off and on, off and on, relationship with herself and her sanity.
Despite lost love and a bottomless emptiness, there are transgressions that are simply unforgivable.
Try as you might, sometimes you can never be good enough for some people.
She rushed to the office she hated. Working here is surely stealing her soul and killing her slowly but bills must be accounted for.
She started up her computer and stared at the number of messages from her obsessive micro-manager just above the Slack app in disbelief. As she did every day.
Today’s the day, she thought. I’m just going to lose it and let loose on this woman.
After checking the nutritional label on the packaging, she picked up the chocolate caramel and carefully examined it.
She took a large knife and sliced the delicacy into quarters. She popped a fragment into her mouth. She wrapped the rest up in foil as a treat for later. One doesn’t want to max out daily calories during lunch.
After a light lunch, she settled back at her desk with an iced latte. She opened Slack and skimmed through the latest onslaught of messages. Reading one, it struck a nerve. The next was no better. She saw red and couldn’t shake it off but tried to focus on her priorities.
When new messages appeared, she couldn’t control what she did next.
She got up, walked to her manager’s office, and said more than she should have. But she couldn’t stay silent any longer. That was her last day on the job.
At the end of the day, she gathered her belongings and saw herself out. A place where she couldn’t speak her ideas and her truth and constantly felt overwhelmed and underestimated is not worth staying at. Can she ever fit in? This is her third full-time job of the year and it’s only March.
That night, she slept well until a disturbing dream rocked her to the core.
A particularly belligerent ex appeared with who could only be his new partner. As if that alone wasn’t bad enough, he appeared to tell her that she’ll become an infertile, immortal snake in two days, at midnight after the second day. Smiling, he happily informed her that no remedy could save her or change her back to being human. Then he pranced away with that obnoxious laugh of his, the new lady clinging to his arm.
A few days later, she became a snake as foretold, forced to live out the rest of her days alone.
