Do you struggle to ask for help?
Here are 5 reasons why and a so-simple-it’s-stupid solution
Would you help out a friend if they asked? Would you drop everything to help out your family? What about a stranger? Sometimes, the answer will be no, which is completely understandable. But most of the time, the answer is yes, if you have the means. So, if you would help others when they ask, why do you struggle to ask them for help yourself?
There are many reasons why people can have trouble asking for help. Some of which can be traced back to past experiences. For some, there’s more than one reason.
So how do you overcome your difficulties? Well, that’s easier said than done; you ask anyways. The answer may seem simple and redundant, but sometimes keeping it simple works.
Five reasons you might struggle to ask for help
1. Fear
Fear can be a huge motivator, but more often than not, it’s holding you back. When asking for help, you might fear being judged for not knowing something. Or scared of being seen as weak for being unable to do it alone. Or fear of the embarrassment or shame you might feel if people found out you didn’t know how to do something.
This takes me right back to the classroom. Being asked to read out loud in class terrified me. I was as so scared that I would pronounce a word wrong and everyone would laugh at me. Looking back as an adult, I know there’s no shame in that. But back then, my heart pounded in my chest as I counted how many lines until it was my turn to read.
2. Not wanting to burden others
No matter how big or small the problem, asking for help can make you feel like a burden. You don’t want to ruin someone's day with your issues. If you feel this way, usually it’s because at some time you needed help, and the person you went to made you feel so bad about asking that you wouldn’t do it again. That person probably never thought about it again. But for you, every time you ask for help you fall back into those feelings of being a burden — a problem — again.
3. Not knowing who or how to ask
If someone has all the answers, but you don’t know who that person is, how are you supposed to ask for help? What if you don’t know how to ask for help? Maybe you’ve never had to ask before, maybe you have to ask someone you don't know. There are many little factors that can cause confusion in these situations.
4. Stubbornness
Stubbornness is different from not wanting to burden others. It’s refusing to ask at all and not accepting if someone offers without you asking. It’s wanting to do everything yourself. If you’re adamant about doing everything yourself, asking for help or accepting it might cause you to feel like you haven’t accomplished as much. You want to do it all by yourself to prove that you can.
5. Asking for help is admitting to failure
Many people believe that asking for help is admitting to failure. You’re confessing that you can’t do something. You lost, you failed, and you’re weak.
If you’re struggling to ask for help for one or more of these reasons, you might think, “so what?” So what if I think asking for help is weak? So what if I’m stubborn or scared of embarrassment?
I’ll tell you what. Not seeking help for any reason can lead to negative consequences and missing out on positive outcomes. By not asking for help, you’re limiting yourself.
Negative consequences
Not seeking help can lead to frustration, isolation and low self-esteem. You can struggle with tasks requiring specific knowledge or skills you don’t know. This can cause you to not achieve goals in both your personal and professional lives.
Your mental health is greatly affected by your ability to ask for help. By not seeking help, you can experience devastating feelings that can cause further damage to your mental health. Not seeking help for your mental health struggles can have life-threatening consequences.
Benefits of asking for help
So, why should you ask for help? If you’re experiencing one or more reasons not to, why should you push through them and ask anyway?
Firstly, pushing through your fears and negative feelings builds resilience, self-esteem and self-confidence. So, just by asking when you don’t want to, you’re bettering yourself. Plus, this can help form a habit so it won’t continue to be so difficult.
Secondly, you will probably get the help you need or at least be on your way to getting said help. Usually, if someone can’t help you or they don’t know how they will do their best to point you in the right direction.
Thirdly, by asking for help, you could make a new friend or build upon a relationship you already have. People generally like to help others. You’re not burdening them; you’re honouring them. In your time of need, you thought of them and how their knowledge, skills or abilities could assist you.
On top of that, asking for help can increase productivity and output; reduce stress and other negative feelings; and provide opportunities to learn, develop and grow.
There are many reasons why asking for help is difficult. You could fear judgement, not know who or how to ask, feel like a burden, be stubborn or see asking for help as a sign of failure. It’s important to recognise that seeking help, for whatever reason, is a sign of strength. You’re identifying areas where you could improve and getting assistance. By acknowledging this strength, you can avoid many negative consequences such as feelings of frustration, stress and isolation; and damaging your mental health. Instead, you will reap the benefits, including building resilience and self-confidence, gaining knowledge and making friends. At the end of the day, you should push through the resistance and ask for help anyways. It’s an honour and a compliment. After all, if they asked you, you’d be happy to help.
