DON’T BE THE CANCER IN THE ROOM
Toxic teammates are a cancer to collaboration and let’s face it: No one likes cancer
In my career as a television writer, I’ve collaborated with some of the most successful writers, actors, and directors in Hollywood. I’ve been a part of writers’ rooms that are incredibly productive, creative, fun, and respectful. I’ve also worked with toxic teammates who destroyed the fun, creativity, and vibe of a room.
One toxic teammate can be a cancer to a writer’s room, design team, sales force, sports team, or any business that wants to foster a culture fertile for productive collaboration.
TV writers’ rooms require a team to speak candidly, disagree, critique, problem solve, and eat most meals together 10-to-16-hours a day. Toxic teammates don’t last long.
They get attached to their ideas. Pout when their ideas are rejected. Retaliate against teammates who objected to their ideas. Get jealous of other’s success. Keep score of who gets credit. Worst of all, their toxicity can infect the room.
Team Leaders need to establish a culture of “psychological safety,” where people feel safe to speak candidly, disagree, and critique without fear of reprisal, humiliation, or looking stupid. It’s vital that the entire team buys into that culture.
Here are five tips to help you become a team player, not a toxic teammate.
THE PROJECT COMES FIRST
What motivates a toxic teammate can be boiled down to two words: Ego and fear — Fear of losing a job, being disrespected, looking stupid, not getting credit, being undermined, or usurped… Jealousy, envy, and self-serving motives poison team collaboration.
A major league baseball pitcher once told me that the top trait a pitcher needs is a short memory. They need to forget about their last pitch that was hit for a homerun and control their emotions, or it will affect their next pitches and hurt their performance. It’s the same in collaboration — you need to emotionally detach from your rejected pitch and focus on the next.
When you put the project first, your pitch being rejected is no longer personal. It’s about what is best for the project. Checking your ego and processing your rejected ideas with emotional detachment is best for the project, the team, and helps you develop thick skin.
DISAGREE AND COMMIT
“Disagree and commit” is an unwritten rule in a TV writers’ room, and a written principle embraced by companies like Amazon and Intel. It means when a team leader decides to take a project in a direction you don’t agree with, disagree and commit.
In a psychologically safe culture, you’re free to voice your objection. Contrary input can be helpful to a project. But if your objection’s been heard and the leader doesn’t agree with you, you need to stop objecting and do everything you can to make their decision work. Disagree and commit. It’s not about you. It’s about the team and the project. When you’re the leader, you’ll decide which way to go.
Toxic teammates get married to their ideas. They re-pitch them. Debate. Defend. Brood. Get vindictive. They stop contributing, hoping the direction they disagreed with fails and they’ll be proven right. Their sullen face can suck the positive energy out of a room.
If a pouty, vindictive teammate is new, or worth keeping around, the leader needs to speak to them privately to let them know that their voice is valued, but their attitude needs to change. If they don’t change their behavior, they need to go. Full stop. One toxic teammate kills the psychological safety of the room and undermines a healthy collaborative culture.
DON’T PITCH PROBLEMS WITHOUT SOLUTIONS
Put another way: “Don’t shit on a pitch if you don’t have shit to pitch.”
Anyone can be a critic. Pitching problems without a solution slows creative momentum. If done frequently, it will annoy the team, like the kid in class who asks teacher too many questions.
If you don’t have the solution to the problem, pitch something! Even if it’s a bad pitch. Preface your bad pitch with something like, “This isn’t it, but…” Or “The bad version is…” Something that conveys the direction of your solution and shows you’re at least trying to contribute. Your bad idea might be rejected, but it might inspire someone else to pitch the right solution. If the leader doesn’t agree with your pitch, disagree and commit.
If you don’t have a solution but you feel the problem is so egregious it must be addressed, then voice your objection without a solution. But be judicious about how often you do this.
LEAD WITH THE POSITIVE
When someone writes a script or copy, creates a logo, slogan, or whatever their idea is, they probably have a personal attachment to it. Criticizing their work can feel like you called their kid ugly. Starting with everything you like about their idea helps soften the blow of your criticism. And there’s always something to like.
Saying, “I love this part, but…” followed by your criticism (and solution), sounds a lot better than saying, “This is no good.” The person whose work you are criticizing might feel you’re jeopardizing their job security, and you may make a nemesis. Leading with the positive disarms a defensive person and helps foster team unity and goodwill in the room.
Posing your critique as a question is another way to avoid being a toxic teammate. Let’s say you’re on a design team and you don’t like the colors used in a design. Saying, “Do you think these colors could be bolder?” is nicer than saying, “I think these colors are awful.” A question takes the edge of the criticism and gives the creator a say in the discussion.
DON’T BE A JERK
This one should be obvious, but it’s not to toxic teammates. Don’t make rude or hurtful jokes or comments about others. Don’t insult people or groups because of looks, frailties, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or their ideas… That behavior hurts psychological safety and trust. Most people would prefer to work with a nice person with ‘B’ talent than a jerk with ‘A’ talent.
Watch your tone. My dad used to say, “It’s not what you said, it’s how said it.” That’s especially relevant in collaboration. Team players can give candid criticism and it sounds innocuous. Toxic teammates can give an innocuous criticism and it sounds harsh because of their tone. If you don’t have a naturally positive tone, get one.
Be kind to assistants. Take an interest in your co-worker’s lives. Celebrate their wins. Empathize in trying times. Avoid snarky gossip, even when others engage in it. No one will ever hold being a nice person against you. Besides just being the right thing to do, you will make allies and friends who will support you and have your back when you need them.
If a team has been together long enough, there might be room for good natured joking because a culture of trust and respect has been established. But in a new situation, it’s best to err on the side of kindness.
TLDR
Are you showing the any of the traits of a toxic teammate? Do you pout? Shut down? Keep score? Speak with an arrogant tone? Root against a teammate’s success? The good news is toxicity is curable. It is not a terminal condition. The antidote begins with the self-awareness that you’re displaying the trait, and a willingness to change.
Toxicity is driven by ego and fear. When you let go of your ego, root for your teammates, and realize their success is your success because it’s best for the project, you will become the type of team player that leaders want on their team and, someday, become a great team leader.
I hope this post was helpful. Have you noticed other hallmarks of toxic teammates? If so, add them to the comments. If you enjoyed this post and would like to see more, give it a clap and a follow. Thanks!
