Don’t Make the Same Mistakes I Did
Lessons from your future self
For all the Millennials out there (and others as well)…
I have bad news for you — quarter life crisis is real. I have even worse news for you — mid life crisis is even more real.
Your 20s and 30s are full of possibilities. COVID may feel like it’s clipped your wings, so treat it as a time to prepare yourself for the next burst of sunshine.
They say youth is wasted on the young. I say to you, prove them wrong. Use this exploratory time of your life to find yourself, find your tribe and find something you are passionate about.
Here are some hard-learned lessons I wish someone had told me in my 20s and 30s: (For the rest of us, it is never too late to start!)
1. Find a Hobby or Three
No matter how eager you are to get going in life and get some runs on the board, please don’t cast away passions and interests from your childhood. Whether its playing music, reading, going on hikes or even sewing, they are a release from life’s pressures and a chance to re-generate and be yourself. Your hobbies will sustain you in times of darkness. They will be an outlet to help you cope with stress and frustration. They will keep you sane.
If you find you don’t have any hobbies (and I don’t count drinking and partying as hobbies), take this time to explore and to find that something of interest and cultivate it. Your hobbies also provide you with a sense of wellbeing and purpose. It’s also a great way to sharpen your discipline of learning, practice and mastery.
2. Have Faith in the Grand Scheme of Things
I’m not talking strictly about religion here. Whatever you believe or don’t believe, have faith that life will find a way. Even if doesn’t always seem that way, trust that 90% of the time, there is a reason for why things happen the way they have. We just can’t quite foreshadow how it all plays out in the grand scheme of things at the moment. Things may look somewhat darker now in the midst of the pandemic. If you feel you’ve had your life’s path tossed out the window, have faith and believe in yourself. Believe that as you work hard to find the way out, alternate paths will appear. Best of all, time is on your side.
3. Build Your Self-Esteem and Self-Concept
Can you loudly and proudly say, “This is who I am?” and wholly embrace all of you. Know who you are deep within you, all your strengths and weaknesses, assets and quirks. If you are not quite sure who you are, now is the time to try on different personas and masks to find the perfect fit. Don’t be the reed that bends to the whims of others. Don’t let others decide and define who you are.
Most of all, don’t rely on the approval of others to validate your worth. When you truly know yourself and value your worth, you will not be fazed when other people try to knock you down. You will not waver when the tide of moronic consensus is against you.
4. Invest Small Amounts Regularly
Put some money aside if you can. Make it a regular habit. Make it an amount small enough that you won’t feel like you are depriving yourself of too much. If you regularly squirrel money away into Index funds, the power of compounding will give you a greater sense of financial security and control. Invest with regularity so that the whimsy of the markets won’t feel like a personal assault on your intelligence and sanity.
I really wish I had done this myself. Instead, I simply put money into a cash account for years. I kept waiting for just the right moment, spent countless hours trawling different investment scoops on the next Amazon or Netflix. In December last year, I went all in…just before the Covid crash. The rest is, as they say, history.
Whilst money is definitely not everything, you want to avoid feeling oppressed and disempowered because of financial uncertainty. It can have a debilitating effect on your life and your self esteem.
5. Invest in Your Ongoing Learning
It is easy to just close the chapter on learning after the years in high school and college. I’m not strictly talking about getting another post graduate certification or studying for your PhD. Learning can take many forms: we can learn on the job, take short courses, read books/articles, stay up to date on politics, economics, technology and society. The key is to adopt a learning mindset and take an active interest in the trends of the area you work in and the latest developments of the areas you are interested in. This type of ongoing, incidental learning will broaden your perspective of the world and help you solidify your points of view.
6. Invest in your Outlook
Some people wear cynicism or pessimism like it’s an honor badge. I know — I used to be one of them! Looking back, it is such a waste of energy. I’m not saying we should delude ourselves into thinking everything is hunky dory when it’s not. What I am saying is that we all find ourselves in less-than-ideal situations, but your outlook alters how you feel about the situation and can change your next move. Dislike your job? You can grimace and hate it with a vengeance all you want, you still have to do the work! Wouldn’t it be better to just brush it off as a money-making have-to and make plans to look around for other opportunities? Having an optimistic outlook opens your eyes to opportunities. If you have trouble with natural optimism, use this reframing technique I use as a learned optimist.
7. Seize Opportunities
Not all of us are going to find our life’s purpose and pursue causes with the unfaltering conviction of Greta Thunberg. Some of us still haven’t figured out what we want out of life! Don’t pass up on opportunities when they present themselves. You never know where they may lead. Don’t close yourself off to opportunities thinking it’s too hard, too uncertain, too much trouble, too controversial, too anything…By seizing opportunities, you maximise your chances to truly test out who you are and what you stand for.
Remember, time is only on your side…if you use it wisely.
8. Be Adventurous and Have Fun
I really admire your generation with your fearless get-up-and-go. My niece has travelled to more countries than I have. She has seized opportunities with open arms. On reflection, I approached life as though I was a first-time cook constantly consulting the recipe book. I took life too seriously by following a template of rigid structures and milestone chart of life events. So, let’s go, give it a go, let go! It’s in those moments when you break free from society’s expectations and your family’s scripts that you truly become yourself and feel alive. It is in these transient moments deep in life’s adventures that you will truly find what makes you you.
If there’s one thing I’d love for you to take away, it’s:
BE MORE DARING. Be more curious, try, learn, experiment, fail and get up again with your work, your life, your love, your finances, your passions and your health. Time is on your side. You are more likely to find yourself if you are adventurous with your personality and outlook.
