Dropouts Need to Redefine Success
You’ve already lost by society’s standards
Over the years, the college has become expensive.
My brother, 15 years older than me, paid a quarter of what I paid at the same community college. Neither of us finished.
Now he’s one of the top-selling real estate agents in the country, but that’s beside the point.
College is expensive, but there is a cost to not going. It is a right of passage for the youth of America. A mark that you’re on the right path. It’s what makes you socially accepted.
The most common question someone will ask you when you’re 18 or 20 is, “What college are you going to?”
They’re expecting, “UC Davis”, or some shit like that, so they can smile and congratulate you. They’re not expecting you to smile and say “It just felt like a waste of time.”
They’re trying to be generous with their question and give you a chance to talk about how well you’re doing. When that doesn’t pan out, it makes everyone uncomfortable. Although college in the US is getting a reputation for being ridiculous for the price, most people mark you as second class for not going.
By society’s standards of success, we’ve already lost by dropping out. The fact that we can learn everything they know with a few Google searches doesn’t matter to them. It’s not about education; it’s about social status. That’s why we need to create our own metrics and definitions of what it means to be successful. It’s our unique opportunity that people who value themselves by society’s standards don’t get.
Don’t Talk About Fight Club — A.K.A. Don’t Conform.
We, dropouts, have to embrace our position on the fringe. The reason everybody writes us off is our advantage. From outside the status quo, we can see clearly. We don’t have to be slaves to social approval. We can design our life from the inside out, instead of living like druggies for another hit of social status.
You can decide what success means to you once you ditch the mob mentality.
Once you’ve decided what success looks like in your life, you can finally ask yourself, “Do I need college to pull this off?”
You might be surprised to hear the answer is usually no. In 4 states, you don’t even need to go to college to be a lawyer. You could argue that college holds you back from reaching your success. Student loan debt takes away most people’s freedom to choose what they do with their life.
Wooden
John Wooden, the most championship winning man in all of basketball history, teaches every one of his players to create their own definition of success.
When the record holder of championships and winning streaks (88 games without a loss) tells you their success was built on not subscribing to everybody else’s definition of it, listen.
“Try your hardest in all ways and you are a success. Period. Do less than that, and you have failed to one degree or another.” — John Wooden, Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court.
How to Put Your Socks On
When I was a kid (Idk. Maybe 10? Or 12?), I was fortunate enough to go to John Wooden’s basketball camp a few years in a row. Mr. Wooden was in a wheelchair at this point in his life and didn’t really participate until he had to say hi to the kids at the end of camp.
When we arrived, we were placed in groups by age. Each group had a coach.
We lined up, and the first thing the coach told us to do was unexpected.
“Take off your shoes!” our coach said in a raised voice so we could hear her over the other group coaches making the same command.
We all untied our shoes and sat down on the floor to take them off. Then, the next command came.
“Take off your socks!”
We looked like a bunch of little gypsies running around a gym.
What proceeded was instructions on how to put socks on.
- Scrunch up the sock, so you can only get your toes in.
- Then slowly unroll the sock over your foot, making sure there is no loose fabric on your foot as the sock unrolls.
- Once the sock is all the way unrolled and tight on your foot, run your hands over the sock and look for any creases.
After that came the shoes.
- Loosen the laces by pulling on the laces between the eyelets on the shoe.
- Put your foot in the shoe.
- Tighten your shoe, starting with the eyelets closest to your toes, working up the shoe to pull the laces between each set of eyelets until the shoe is snug on your foot.
- Finally, always double-knot your shoe.
At the end of the camp, I got a signed copy of his book.
For years, I didn’t understand why we started with socks. I was 16 when I picked up Wooden’s signed book and finally understood the lesson.
This wasn’t just the first lesson we learned at camp. It’s the first lesson he taught all of his new players at UCLA.
The Golden Rule of Success
Coach Wooden’s job is preparing his team to win as many games as possible. He believed, rightly so, that winning games were a result of being prepared to win them.
Socks, a seemingly insignificant part of basketball, we’re his most important lesson.
If there is a crease in your sock, it creates friction on your feet during practice. If you practice with friction on your feet, you get blisters. A blister hinders your practice: your preparation time. If you never practice at 100%, your blister-less opponent will be better prepared and beat you. A blister during a game, and you won’t be quick on your feet. You’ll let your whole team down because you’re sloppy with your socks.
Wooden was teaching the same lesson taught by ancient stoic philosopher, Epictetus, to his students more than 2,000 years earlier. These teachings were known to influence people from the emperor of Rome, Marcus Aurelius, to the founder of behavioral therapy, Albert Ellis.
“Make the best use of what is in our power, and treat the rest in accordance with its nature. And what is its nature? However God decides.” — Epictetus
Coach Wooden knew he couldn’t control all the variables that go into winning a game. He couldn’t control unfair calls from the ref, he couldn’t control if his star player got the flu, he couldn’t control whether an opponent was better than his players.
Instead of spending time and energy trying to control what nature dictates he can’t, he focused solely on the things within his control. Like socks and effort.
Why Should You Care?
You can’t control the looks you get from people when you tell them you’re not going to college. You can’t control their undeserved sense of pride over you.
You can’t define success by public standards because those standards are always moving. When you’re broke, you are lowly. When you’re rich, you are amoral. When you do what you love, you lack ambition. When you are ambitious, you lack passion.
There is no winning by the standards of other people.
You can win by taking Wooden’s advice and giving everything your best effort. Putting all of your energy in the things you can control, and forgetting about all that you can’t.
It is time to figure out what success means to you. If you never do this, you’ll live trapped in what success means to everybody else.
PS. Are you a dropout? Want 5 emails to help you thrive without that piece of paper?
