We Will Call You
Ep 2: Stimulating Work Environment
Fact-based job-seeking-opera for geeks
Vast open space, big as the Titanic’s dry dock, was buzzing with energy. A hundred people in headphones were frantically tapping on the keyboards. The other hundred were hanging on their phones, lively conversing in languages so foreign that Domnall heard some of them for the first time in his life. Others either bustled between desks or seated in small groups on sofas or even stairs discussing innovative ideas. Those who needed to relax played darts or jumped on the trampoline, and those more ambitious made use of the treadmills.
Youth, vigor, freedom; like on a playground.
“It’s ju… …per he…!” A twenty-something-year-old guy with a distracted look realized that Domnall was not quite catching the message and gave him an apologetic smile. “There is always so much going on in here!” He shouted with delight, glancing at the row of inflatable armchairs nearby.
A bunch of telemarketers sitting on them rattled into their headsets, drowning out not only Domnall’s interlocutor but also each other.
“But such a stimulating work environment helps us get to a higher gear!”
Domnall recalled a viral video of a hamster in a spinning wheel. The hamster stumbled and also got into higher gear when centrifugal force crushed him into the treadmill floor and kept him glued to it for a couple of carousel’s turns.
Seeing Domnall’s smile, the young man beamed, “You’ll see for yourself on Monday!”
“Where will I find our team? Is there any app with the office map, or do you rather print it in an old-school way?”
“That’s grand!” The boy laughed hysterically. “But we don’t have permanent desks. Everyone sits down where they can find a place. Try to be here at least a quarter to nine. After the last recruitment wave, it might be hard to find a seat.” He discreetly pointed at a girl leaning against the wall, her computer on her lap. She nervously pulled down her pencil skirt over and over again. The young man grinned. “Fortunately, we have a pinball and an air hockey table, so you can stretch your legs from time to time. There is also a rule that if you leave your desk for more than an hour, it is considered empty. So around noon there is a chance to take over the seats of those who dawdled at lunch or had a longer meeting.”
Domnall did not share the boy’s enthusiasm, but he returned the smile anyway.
“To avoid searching for each other, maybe we shall book a conference room right away?”, he suggested.
“No way! We gather at a coffee machine and hunt for a creative space.”
“Do at least coffee makers remain in fixed locations?”
The young man looked confused. The joke went over his head and in normal conditions, there would probably be a moment of awkward silence. Here, however, any stumbling simply led to a series of crazy turns on the carousel. And so just a second later the atmosphere was cleansed by a ping-pong ball bouncing off the table between them. The boy caught it in the air, chuckled and handed it to the onrushing colleague. At the same time, he spotted someone in the crowd and waved vigorously. Soon after, a blasé man of around Domnall’s age approached the desk and looked at the applicant with a haughty glance.
“Hi boss!”, cried the young man. “This is Coin, our new data magician.”
The newcomer with a nonchalant gesture sent the boy away to another sandbox and took his place himself. He went straight to the point:
“You are the only one, throughout the entire test, who managed not only to maintain a satisfactory quality of results but also to deliver them in almost real-time! That’s good. We expect from our analysts the utmost responsibility and meticulousness. And of course the speed! The latter is cruci…”
The rest of the speech was drowned out by a rock-and-roll tune when someone fired a jukebox standing in the corner. Several informaticians simultaneously adjusted their headphones.
The boss nodded to the music and waved his hand around. “Do you like our office?”
“I don’t think I would be able to focus enough here to continue providing results of satisfactory quality and in real-time,” Domnall admitted sheepishly. “Fortunately, working from home I will not have this problem. And the single day of the week, when I’m supposed to be here, will be filled with meetings anyway.”
“From home?” The boss wondered. “Impossible! Our analytical team is to work closely with the business. You must be here at all times in case we have any urgent tasks for you.” He thought hard for a moment. “Well, unless you’d have some backlog, then you can work from home at the weekend.” He puffed up proud of his generosity.
“It takes me two and a half hours to get here. The recruiter assured me that you offer flexible employment.”
“But of course! Since you have such a long commute, you can be here a quarter past nine!”
“Quarter past nine in the evening, when there will be any free desks, I presume?”
“Certainly not! At this hour one is too tired to focus! Although…” The man pinched his chin. “If we launched the second shift to support other time zones… Hmm… We will call you.”
We Will Call You Series:
Episode 1: Data Democratization
Episode 2: Stimulating Work Environment (current)
Domnall is a brilliant guy. However, job-seeking is long-term entertainment, and will probably take him a while. Especially that job interviews don’t happen every day. In the meantime, you may consider reading about other (equally brilliant) characters in our #Pharmacon sociological thriller.
