Eternal Struggles of a Brown Girl Trying to Lose Weight
And how I overcame the vicious cycle.
Yep, you’ve guessed it. I’ve tried it all. I’ve tried keto, low carb, low calorie, smoothie diets, shakes… The list could go on and on. And so could my waistline. I still cringe thinking of the time I tried the egg diet.
I never lost weight. Not once. The only time I lost weight and kept it off was when I went vegan and lived on a solid diet consisting of only alcohol. But then I decided I love cheese too much and I didn’t want to blackout every time I drank so the weight piled on… and on… and on.
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m fat (at least not by medical standards). I have always had the dreaded love handles and saddlebags clinging to me like a leach though. I still hate wearing a sari because I’m worried people will see my stomach rolls over the waistband, and I can’t ever imagine feeling comfortable in a crop top.
And I’m a bit ashamed by it but I do sometimes want to get that revenge bod so I can stick it to all my childhood bullies and brown aunties who always give me that look whenever they see me. And I do look at Instagram ‘fitness’ models and think I wish I look like that every now and then. Hell, until I was in my teenage years I thought my waist could get as small as Princess Jasmine’s. Until common sense knocked me upside the head and I realised most of the influencers and heroines were promoting not-so-healthy lifestyles. I’ve been down that rabbit hole, never again I say.
I’ve grown up around predominantly non-desi people my whole life. I know by skin colour that we’re different, but it took me a very long time to realise that genetically we have a fairly different makeup too. In the sense that desi people shed weight very differently from non-desi people. We keep more weight around our stomachs and thighs, and not so much around our arms. It can take longer for us to shed the weight too. This stubborn weight ended in me tracking my calories a little too obsessively, weighing myself more than once a day and I stopped eating all the foods I love. And yet those gossiping aunties still never went away.
I tried so many different ways to lose weight but I never really thought about what’s the best way to lose weight for me. I would do strange YouTube exercises where I would swing my legs forward and back or follow videos that promised me results in 7 days or less. Well, that’s a mistake I no longer will be making. The weight disappeared and then it came back because I got bored of the mundane workout videos or I decided to eat one extra cookie than was allowed on my dreaded 1200 calorie plan.
I’m sort of over the phase of trying to lose weight to be skinny. I now just want to be healthy, and I just also want to be strong. I want to lose weight so that my period comes on time every month or so that I can feel good in my own skin, not so I can fit into some old trousers that I’ve been waiting to fit into for years now with no luck. Girls around the world, not just brown girls, it’s not worth it.
I’ve started gravitating towards weights at the gym and not fearing them because they might make me bulky (screw the judgment of people telling you that- go crush a leg workout, nothing can beat it). In my eyes, movement is movement and there is no right way to get fitter or slimmer, or healthier. I hate cardio so I stay away from it and just go for a long walk, then I can kill it in the gym. I personally love how much energy I now have every day, and I love how strong I feel after completing these terribly amazing tricep supersets. People aren’t lying when they say your looks are the least interesting thing about you.
So screw the gossip, lift the weights, and eat a goddamn samosa.
