“Ex” is for Ex — istential Crisis
“When a good thing goes bad, it’s not the end of the world. It’s just the end of that world— ”
Aubrey Grahams, 2011.
DO YOU ESPOUSE the school of thought that proposes for exes to be estranged rather than rekindle their relationship?
The reasons for their proposition are somewhat cogent —
- Unless the parties have grown in their time apart, the cause of their breakup is usually indelible.
- The distortion of the relationship’s timeline. Except it was a short break, a lot have transpired in between the break up period, some of which, if revealed, may cause friction for the couple.
- The love may have dissipated, replaced with nostalgia and familiarity. Probably, after the breakup, their dating life was abysmal, and they decided to settle for the ex. Bad idea!
Most couples who break up once usually do it again. It’s almost inevitable. Just ask Jenifer and Ben.
However, imagine a scenario where an ex was your best buddy and confidant, spoke all your love languages — the communication was impeccable, their nurturing skills were subliminal and the physicality was inundating— but for some reason, you drifted apart, which culminated in the disappointment of a lifetime.
So, you moved on or tried to, dated around, but within your mind, their memories lingered. Then, you received a call from them. They wanted to meet. You acquiesced without hesitation. When you saw them, it felt like a beautiful daydream. But as you basked in the moment, they announced that they were engaged and wanted to invite you to their wedding.
A panic attack looms on your horizon. It feels like your entire world imploded and became apocalyptic with profound chaos. There and then, you want to proclaim that everyone else is wrong for them, except you. That you often think about them and never truly loved anyone else. You don’t know if they still have feelings for you, but it is a risk that you are willing to take.
But within your contemplations, reside one veritable fact — if you truly loved them, you would have been with them. You would have put a ring on it. So why didn’t you? You should have built a home and raised a family together, all that good stuff, right?
Also, if you tell them, and they still retain feelings for you, there lies an imbroglio. They may be hopeful that you want to rekindle things, and if that is your objective, they have to make a choice. Whether to stick to their current partner who is ready to cohabitate or pick the ex whose undefined purpose is alluring? What a dilemma!
So before you confess your feelings and create an imbroglio, determine if you are ready to marry them imminently or if what you are feeling is purely nostalgic.
If it is nostalgia, you need to release them rather than declare pitch-perfect promises and false hopes. Even if you intend to marry them, don’t be impulsive. Carefully weigh that decision against your goals and their expectations. You can not steal a bride from the altar without a proper proposal.
Embrace the “never get back with the ex” proposition if you can not reflect or adopt the changes they seek. Walk away. Wrap all those feelings of nostalgic familiarity in a box, and discard it where the sun does not shine, so your ex can be free from any crisis of fate.
That is the respectable thing to do.
