Failure.
My 30-Day Challenge with Depression
Hi, I cry randomly.
I started a 30-day challenge to wrestle with my inner demons. It was not about physical endurance or creativity but facing my mental hurdles.
My journey through these days was anything but straight.
A strong return of depression marked it. It was so fierce that it seemed to claw away at my joy and stability.
Depression is odd, like 1, 3, 5, 7, 9.
It’s like an itch in a spot you can’t reach. It shows up not just as sadness but as a numbness that colors all life. This numbness is disturbing, not due to the strength of its emotions but because it can strip away feelings that once seemed inherent to me.
I have always feared flying.
I was in the throes of depression.
I heard about an incident with severe turbulence on a Singapore Airlines flight. It caused casualties and injuries.
But my expected spike of anxiety never arrived. Fear, excitement, and sorrow smoothed into an indifferent plateau. It flattened my emotions.
This isn’t just about fear. It seeps into every crevice of emotional expression. Conversations about tragedies no longer leave a lingering sadness. People perform hollow displays out of social obligation, not out of concern. This detachment isn’t a choice but rather a symptom of a mind trying to protect itself from too much, too soon.
People often misunderstand the impact of depression on daily life.
You feel sad or hopeless.
But more importantly, your interactions with others and you have changed. Tasks that once felt routine now seem impossible. Relationships that were sources of joy have become mazes of emotion. My roles as a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, friend, and professional felt compromised. The gray of disconnection tinged each interaction.
Nobody talks about how isolating depression can be. They don’t know.
It’s a solitary walk through a crowded room where everyone else seems to be moving at a different pace. It’s watching life through a glass, able to see but not engage with the vibrancy on the other side.
Many misunderstandings about mental health make this isolation worse. People mean well but give dismissive advice to “just cheer up” when they hear about suffering.
But here’s what I’ve learned from my 30-day Challenge. Facing depression is not about beating it in a heroic movie battle. There are tiny, unremarkable moments. In them, we choose to engage, feel, and connect. We do this even when it feels impossible.
Some days will be more than others, and that’s OK.
I see that I might not have met the goal I set for myself. Yet, I find value in the attempt itself, in the insights gained, and in the resilience rediscovered. The Challenge is not about beating depression for good. I think I am learning to live with it. I know now how its triggers and finding ways to manage its symptoms.
Numbness from depression can make every day feel the same.
They feel monotonous, gray, and lacking the vibrant colors of life.
One day, I was walking outside our house. I noticed how the sunlight played through the leaves. This moment was simple but powerful. It pierced through the veil of my indifference.
I have learned from my mental health.
I admit, depression can steal our emotions’ immediacy. But it also impacts resilience and recovery.
I can push and when to rest.
Guys! We must acknowledge our feelings without judgment.
We cannot overstate the importance of self-compassion!
In the throes of depression, we berate ourselves for not being ‘better’ or for having ‘bad days.’
Self-compassion teaches us that it’s OK not to be OK.
Treat ourselves with the kindness we would offer a friend in distress.
As I go beyond 30 days, today is 37th day.
I go from just surviving each day to shaping my life with depression.
Setting boundaries, recognizing my limits, and honoring my needs.
This means continuing self-therapy.
Life after the Challenge looks different.
It’s more intentional.
It’s less about avoiding triggers.
Thanks for taking the time to read. I’d like to hear your perspective.
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