Feeling Overwhelmed?

A super-quick way to take back control

Feeling overwhelmed? Try this exercise. Photo by Christian Erfurt on Unsplash

The other day, a work colleague I coach called me super early for an emergency 1 on 1 session.

She was all over the place. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. Feeling helpless. And frankly a little bit incoherent. Her manager was making impossible demands. A new colleague was sabotaging her work and undermining her authority in front of the team. Her contract is coming up for renewal. She also can’t seem to get a seconded team member on side…

When I asked her what her plans were to deal with the situation, she looked at me blankly. “What do you mean plans! I’m spending all my time with these worries. I don’t know where to start…!”

All too often, we spend our time and energy obsessively worrying and snowballing our problems, challenges and situations. We become immobilised. Our emotional downward spiral goes something like this:

Feeling Overwhelmed →Stress and Frustration → Helplessness & Loss of Control

Not helpful, is it? The next time you feel overwhelmed and losing control, say this to yourself:

I have the power to control the things I can control

If it’s not sinking in, say it in a slightly different way:

I can only control the things I can control

Here are basic principles:

1. Know my spheres of influence & control and accept what is beyond my control

2. Identify and focus my energies on activities I can control

3. Understand and seek out what else I can influence

4. Let go of everything else

We empower ourselves to take back control of our lives when we internalise the core principles of control and influence.

If it still doesn’t work and your mind is still racing with a million thoughts, step it up by turning the principles into action:

1. Draw the Spheres of Influence and Control

Get a piece of paper and physically draw 2 concentric circles with 3 labels like below:

Spheres of Influence and Control. Nancy Huang

Know my spheres of influence and control and accept what is beyond my control

2. Sphere of Control

Look at the challenge you are facing (eg. you are worried your work contract might not be renewed) and zero in on that sphere of control in front of you. List all the actions you can take to make a difference. They don’t have to be sure-fire ways to solve the problem. Get creative with it — they can be little steps or outside-the-box things that just might work.

Identify and focus my energies on activities I can control

So, what actions could I initiate if I were worried about my contract not being renewed? I could:

• Proactively discuss with my manager what is happening with the contract and the likelihood of renewal
• Proactively seek formal endorsements from my customers and colleagues to proof my value
• Gather artefacts and evidence of all the great work I’ve done as evidence of my contributions and value for the contract renewal discussion
• Look at my personal circumstances to see if I can offer something that may boost the chances for my contract renewal eg. could I reduce my rate, continue in a part-time capacity or have a shorter renewal period?
• Proactively update my resume, Linkedin profile, portfolio of work
• Start talking to recruitment agencies and network connections and looking at job sites to explore alternative roles
• Proactively look at my finances in case I need to make adjustments.

3. Sphere of Influence

Look at the sphere of influence. Think about other actions you can take to help nudge the situation. Maybe someone else has that control and you can persuade them to help with your cause?

Understand and seek out what else I can influence

So, what actions could I initiate to try to influence the decision if I were worried about my contract not being renewed? I could:

• Identify my supporters who can put in a good word for me to influence my manager’s renewal decision making
• Proactively identify and suggest additional work I could to undertake if the contract was renewed to influence the decision
• Actively seek out work feedback from others to identify how I can improve and bring additional value if the contract was renewed

4. Everything Else

For all the other niggly thoughts buzzing around in your head…where do they belong? If they are don’t belong in your Sphere of Control or your Sphere of Influence, then they belong to “Everything else”. Write them down there.

Let go of Everything Else.

What can’t I control nor have influence over?

• COVID
• The Economy
• Company cutbacks

This principles-in-action exercise provides perspective, clarity and insight on changes we can make and the decisions we can take. Having these 3 lists will move you from general hopelessness to specific actioning.

Don’t to waste precious energy even talking about things outside of our control. Instead, direct that energy to coming up with creative ideas and solutions to solve your problems.

Give it a try. It will save you from drowning and move you closer to meaningful action.

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Nancy is a Work Success and Career Development Coach at TheCareerPeople.org. Sign up for her Free “Turbo Charge My Career” Guide to learn the mindset you need to achieve career success and how to put your best foot forward if you want a career change or get that job!