Fight On The Battleground Of Your Choosing

Prepare the parameters of a confrontation so you can guide the outcome.

Statue of Sun Tzu — Wiki Commons

Sun Tzu teaches us a fundamental truth: Success or failure is almost always decided before you attempt a challenge. To ensure you will succeed, you must take the initiative and decide how the conflict will be fought.

Ceding the Field

Imagine a time you failed to persuade someone to decide in your favor. This may have been a formal decision, such as a promotion or a job you were denied. This may be conflict with a neighbor or roommate who refused to do what you asked, or a potential romantic partner who decided they weren’t interested in you.

Everyone has experienced failures like these in which we did not achieve our desired outcome. What our failures often have in common is this: We engaged in the challenge without choosing what ground the conflict would be decided on.

Some examples:

• If you have requested a raise or promotion from your company by laying out the general rationale for why you deserve this reward, you have left the decision up to your employer. You have ceded the field for them to decide as they see fit, and you are not in control of the outcome.
• If you have gone into a job interview and described why you are a good candidate for the role, without triggering the fears and hopes of the hiring manager, you have failed to define the battlefield on your terms. You have ceded the initiative to the interviewer, and their decision is a toss-up that may go to a better-prepared candidate.
• If you have confronted a bully or a rival without considering what would be most persuasive to them, you have given up control of the conflict and decreased your chances of a successful, clean outcome.

Deciding the Battleground

Through defining our desired outcome and preparing for the engagement, we shape the battleground and greatly increase our likelihood of success. This requires two steps:

1) Define your desired outcome — Most people go into conversations, meetings, and confrontations with a vague sense of their desired outcome and without a plan to achieve it. Their lack of preparation means you will have the advantage if you go in with a clear objective. Your objective might be to avoid a delicate topic with a client, or to get a neighbor to agree to turn their music down. Whatever your desired outcome is, define it clearly to yourself beforehand so you can orient the conversation towards it.

2) Prepare beforehand so you can steer the outcome — Consider how you can set the tone, the agenda, and the content of an interaction so that it will resolve in the way that you desire. Some commons factors to consider:

• What are the other person’s ambitions and fears? Use these themes in your argument or presentation to speak to them in the language they understand.
• What are all the reasons the person may say ‘No’ to what you want? Try to eliminate all objections and alternate outcomes before they even come up.
• If the other party is susceptible to flattery, how will you use this to your advantage to sway their decision?
• If the person or organization you’re dealing with prides themselves on being data-driven, are you presenting information so that it appeals to their self-image of rational calculation?
• If your company values you but takes you for granted, how can you subtly sow doubt that you will stay without a raise or promotion?
• What is the other person’s self-image? If you mirror how they seem themselves (ex. sophisticated, or a straight-shooter), you will often seem more relatable and persuasive.

Final Thoughts

The more you consider what your desired outcome is and prepare beforehand, the more aware you will become of opportunities to influence the outcome. Practice this mindset and do not be deterred when you fail.

Part of knowing the battlefield means recognizing when you cannot win. Some circumstances preclude your desired outcome: If your employer is on the verge of insolvency, you probably cannot convince them to give you a raise; if your neighbor is a heroin addict, you will probably not persuade him to change his behavior. Don’t fight when you are sure to lose — instead, find alternate paths to achieve your end, which will present themselves if you are looking.

Fight on the battleground of your choosing.