A happy Mother’s Day to You and all mothers around the world!
Motherhood is challenging and rewarding, and the job is not for everyone.
Mothers are humans with fear, hope, and aspiration. So never put mothers on pedestals or expect them to be super-humans.
This story is my personal opinion — as an individual, a daughter, a creative writer, a mother, and an aunt.
Motherhood: The real truth and the lies —
1. Mothers do everything for their children.
True: Mothers do everything because they follow the crowd and want to be liked. Who does everything?
Forget about likability and do what works for you.
Mothers are humans with ambition, fear, and hope. Mothers are not maids who cover everything for everyone. Chris asked, “Ms. Bassey, why do you think my mom washes my underwear.” I responded with my professional hat on, “I don’t know.”
A mother is not a maid in my culture, but she functions as a family business CEO.
Mothers’ most important job is to raised functioning adults who mastered living skills.
Mothers are not maids.
2. Mothers sacrificed everything for their children.
True: Mothers work hard to buy love from their children. My sisters, real love is not for sale — true love is not material things.
Often, mothers take pride in giving all the food to their children and stay hungry. Please don’t get mad when your children mistreat you because you taught them how you want to be treated.
Never-ending suffering for our children is not true love but our insecurities.
3. Mothers hate other mothers.
True: Some mothers permit their family or society to make choices for them. And they turn around to envy other mothers’ boldness and autonomy.
Mothers judge one another choices—for example, parenting style, fashion, career, children, body, and personal opinion.
All mothers can’t think alike.
My former supervisor, Alice, got angry with young mothers’ lifestyle. Why? She confessed, “I stayed home to raise my children until they went to college. I have no regret for what I did.” Well done, Alice.
The problem, Alice wanted all mothers to be like her. Don’t be like Alice. Live your life and permit others to live theirs.
Often, mothers fear being themselves and use busyness for their children as a batch of honor or love.
Stop it and be yourself.
4. “My children are my life.”
True: Children are not a mother’s life. Children are one aspect of mothers’ life. My sister lost her only child fourteen years ago. The pain continues, but she is alive and flourishes.
Children want their mothers to enjoy all aspects of their life. My professional experience shows children are happier when their mothers are happy.
Listen to your children’s advice.
Mothers have other things in their life such as friends, hobbies, careers, investments, and others.
Trust and love yourself.
5. Mothers are God.
True: Mothers are the devil and God. They are both devil and God because they have the power to keep or trash a fetus in the first few weeks of pregnancy.
Yet mothers are not God.
Lower your expectations from your mother and focus on doing well in life. Because adult children who do well in life rarely focus on their mothers’ imperfection.
My personal view is as an adult, our mothers owe us nothing.
Okay, mothers can help their children in any way they can. For example, with college or business funds or a house down payment or babysitting. But not by force.
True, children owe their mothers nothing — no toxic loyalty or a waterfront mansion.
However, take care of your mother as you can afford. Our spouse, children, nieces, nephews, business partners, neighbors are watching us. There is always a payback day — often, we reap what we sow.
Mothers are caretakers or called them tenants. We don’t own our children or have a right to direct their adult lives.
Mothers are valuable. Mothers are humans with a variety of interests.
Every day is a Mother’s Day — enjoy.
Help yourself grow.
*I have changed all names in this story