For the anxious and afraid
5 messages to put you at ease
We all have times when it feels like our backs are against the wall. Stressors nagging at us at every turn, people hate us, and our future feels bleak. If that is you right now, here are 5 messages I think you need to hear:
(1) Give yourself a hug
I don’t mean it literally(but please feel free to do so). The idea is about self-love- recognise that you deserve to be loved(starting with yourself). Oftentimes, we may be too hard on ourselves- demanding perfection at every turn and berating ourselves if we fail to hit that mark.
You are your staunchest supporter. The whole world can turn its back on you, but you should never turn your back on yourself. Who else is going to support you then?
You are worthy of love no matter what.
(2) Focus on the next point
The renowned 20-time grand slam winner Roger Federer says that the top-ranked tennis players barely win more than half of the points they play. Because he loses nearly 1 out of every 2 points, Roger learned how not to dwell on a lost point, and focus on the next one.
Do not be so shaken up by a lost point that you end up forsaking the entire match. If you fail an exam, it is only a point. If you flunk an interview, it is only a point. If the date did not go well, it is only a point.
What’s past is past. Focus on the next point- that is what is important.
(3) We are poor fortune tellers
Havard Psychologist Ellen Lenger says that worries arise because we think that first, something (let’s call it Event A) will happen and second, that Event A will lead to a bad result.
However, none of these premises may be true. Event A oftentimes will not happen. And even if Event A does happen, it may not be that bad. We tend to over-dramatize things- making them seem worse than they should be.
In fact, something that we deem “bad” may well be a good thing on hindsight. For example, I had spent months painstakingly preparing for an overseas competition only to find out that I had failed to even qualify for the competition. Initially, I was devastated- thinking what a terrible thing this was. However, because I did not have to attend the competition, this freed up time for me to attend job interviews. To my surprise, one of the interviews I attended netted me a good job offer. That failure to qualify for the competition now did not seem that bad after all.
In light of this, our worries are actually rather trivial (though worthy of the utmost understanding by ourselves and others).
(4) You are not alone
I understand that many of us despite reading (3) will still be rather anxious and afraid. This is why it is important to remember that you are not alone.
No one really knows what they are really doing. We are as lost as you are and are figuring things out as we go along.
So share your struggles with the people you trust, and let them confide in you. We are here for each other.
(5) How do you want to be remembered
Life can often throw a curveball at us. As much as we would like to avoid it, that is out of our control. What we can control is how we react to such situations. That is a testament to our character
I want you to imagine that it is your funeral (kinda depressing I know, but stick with me). People are here lining up to give you a final goodbye. Think about what people would say.
It is not the awards, accolades, or wealth that people remember about you. Rather, people will remember you reacted in difficult situations and made an impact on their lives.
The next time you face a great challenge and feel anxious and afraid, know that you have a choice in choosing how to react. Are you going to cower in fear and do nothing at all, or despite the fear rise up to the occasion? The courage you see is not the absence of fear, but moving ahead despite it.
Lead a life people will remember.
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