Forecasts for 2021 — by Crystal Ball and Ouija Board

21 surefire predictions — and 7 pretty good guesses

Cartoon by John Emmerling

ONE DAY . . . TWO EARTH-SHAKING EVENTS: January 6, 2021, was a day when two startling events happened. First was the ghastly Trump rally — a violent mob of cultists stormed the Capitol causing death and destruction. That stunning insurrection dominated the news cycle. Too bad. Because it distracted attention from the day’s other jaw-dropping news — the election of two Democratic senators from the formerly deep-red state of Georgia. Those long-shot wins handed Democrats control of the Senate.

One event: horrible.

The other event: hopeful.

I prefer to talk about hopeful things.

ONE MAN . . . TWO ASTOUNDING DEVICES: I am blessed to possess two unique devices that make uncanny forecasts. Tech specs follow:

• My crystal ball is an experimental Zeiss model ZXZ-100. It uses a 6G network to connect to the Web, the Dark Web, and to a massive black hole far out in the Andromeda galaxy. This ball does not mislead — it has a verified record of 100% accurate forecasts.
• My antique Ouija board was given to me at a secret ceremony high in the Himalayas. When questioned it whispers a possible “yes” or a possible “no” or a semi-firm…