Forget ‘How to win friends & influence..’ Read this Instead to Boost Your Influence
A book with 92 actionable tricks, even for Introverts.
Has it ever happened to you?
You felt nervous when a stranger asks, “Tell me about yourself,” at a gathering?
Or felt like an outsider when people talk about cars and you know nothing about them?
Or does time seem to stand still when you’re wondering what to say after a “hello”?
You’re not alone.
I feel the same when asked to introduce myself at parties. Or when I’m around people discussing topics outside my field and I’m unsure of how to contribute.
These situations don’t occur often. But it makes for a good skillset to armour yourself with answers in such state.
Like you, I began looking for ways to improve my communication skills, so I could navigate dialogs without seeming disinterested or uninformed. And appear more amicable.
During one such research, I discovered Leil Lowndes’ book, How to Talk to Anyone.
Up until then, I relied on How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie — a classic in effective communication and influence.
While I’m a fan of Dale Carnegie’s book, I found some of its concepts hard to grasp. As I didn’t understand them, I found it difficult to apply them into my daily life.
For instance, Carnegie advises showing genuine interest in others to garner influence. But how do I show genuine interest when I’m not interested? And how do I avoid appearing disinterested when I don’t have genuine interest!?
Although I refer to this book, there are times when you need practical answers to How.
How do you make a mark when meeting someone new?
How do you avoid looking clueless?
How do you continue conversations without feeling awkward?
That’s where How to Talk to Anyone shines out, a must-read for beginners looking to upgrade their communication skill.
I began reading it six months back. And found the advice effective, especially observed at work.
What will you gain?
Leil Lowndes provides answers to all your How questions.
How do you make a mark when meeting someone new? How do you avoid looking clueless? How do you continue conversations without feeling awkward?
She’s given actionable tips on how to talk, how not to talk, what to talk, how to be presentable, what to do, what not to —all of which you can apply immediately.
For example, there’s a section dedicated to how you can drive a conversation after a Hello.
And tricks to address questions like ‘Where are you from?’ — Add a brief, engaging detail about your city.
If you’re from Bandra, Mumbai, and you meet somebody from outside Mumbai, you can mention Bandra is where Bollywood celebrities live.
If you’re from Washington, D.C., and you meet someone at an art gallery, you could say, ‘I’m from Washington, D.C., designed by the same city planner who designed Paris.’ — a description Leil vouches by.
Tailor your responses to the audience and the context. This way, you come across as knowledgeable. And you spark a deeper conversation by providing a little background about your city.
Who knows? This could lead to new opportunities for you.
The possibilities are endless.
Leil also shared experiences showing how her advice works in different situations.
In a bid to upgrade, I have begun applying these points into my conversations. One of them is ‘Never give a naked thank you’.
Always end your thankyou with more. Say “Thank you for coming,” “Thank you for waiting,” or “Thank you for being so understanding.”
This makes your thankyou unique to whoever you talk with, leaving a last impression of your name.
A key highlight of the book is how Leil covers a range of scenarios, like networking events, job interviews, and social gatherings. And how to adjust your communication demeanor to fit each setting.
Because what works in an interview won’t apply to a social gathering, and vice versa.
The chapters are short and concise. Most are two to four pages long — making them easy to read, remember, and apply.
Use it as you like
You will enjoy these tactics even if you’re an introvert.
And as they’re easy to use, you can practically start applying them and get immediate feedback.
The more you apply and practice, the better you hone your skills.
Key is to start small. Choose the easy ones.
See how the conversation flows. Gauge reactions and see if it makes a difference.
If not, pivot, practice and try again.
Final Thoughts
Do your future self a favor and get this book now.
Even reading a couple of chapters a day and applying the lessons will set you on the path to becoming a master communicator and influential within a year.
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Hi, I’m Ankita! I write about self-improvement, books & tech.
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