From Fat Shaming to Empowerment: Practical Strategies for Dealing with Bigots at Work
Manager Management #1 : The Bigot.
Hustling at 220 pounds, I never saw my “weight” as a career roadblock, until a new manager, sleek and gym-toned, with a laptop glued to one hand and a water bottle to the other, dropped this gem:
“Who can’t take care of themselves, can’t take care of the work.”
Ouch…
As if the daily climb of office stairs (gasping like a beached whale) and lunchtime dilemmas (skip the second helping? avoid social outings?) weren’t enough, his words were direct jabs, leaving me flushed with anger and shame.
But guess what? I am not alone. Weight discrimination is all too real, affecting nearly 60% of people in work settings (Obesity Action Coalition).
Obviously I wanted to rip his head off — but that could be a big HR mess. Why drag someone who is not responsible.
So, I did what any self-respecting, Google-savvy millennial would do:
I researched.
Here’s what I learned about facing workplace bigotry:
Do not react:
It’s the hardest battle. But hey, we “fat folks” have practiced facing prejudice since Day 1. No forced smiles, no witty rebuttals. Just a long, unflinching stare. Make them squirm under the weight of their own words. Double down with polite confusion: “Sorry, could you repeat that?” or “Just making sure, was that directed at me?” Silence speaks volumes.
Show them their comment landed, loudly and uncomfortably, without giving them an inch of defensiveness to hide behind.
Find the kinder souls:
You’ve been helpful? Empathetic? You’ll be surprised how many colleagues have your back. Don’t expect them to confront your manager (bread on table, etc), but they can counter your self-doubt. Your self-deprecating mindset.
Was it the dress? Will I be accepted? Will my work be good enough? Am I worth it? If I go on a water-only diet I can lose 15 kgs in a week.!
Compartmentalise:
People usually say productivity is your superpower, but it is “compartmentalisation”.
You still have to work, you still have to learn, you still have to prove — no not for that (maybe jealous) manager, but to yourself, to the others who are looking up to you, who are in awe of how you walk, you talk and get work done in a whizz. Forget manager validation, build an empire of your own, one stride, one word, one task at a time.
Do not be intimidated:
This is bullying. This is bigotry. This is intimidation. Once is too much, twice is unacceptable. Set your boundaries.
Three strikes, and you’re out — complain, report, or walk away. No job is worth it. No manager is worth it.
Remember, fighting bigotry starts with self-worth. We are the sum of our experiences, not our dress size.
Also, needless to say — this could be doled out by a man/woman, senior/ junior/ colleague, with great intent/ no-so-great intent, explicit taunt/inexplicit taunt, through words/actions, anything.
The impact is the same. Belittling & Embarrassing.
“Your life is your message to the world. Make sure it’s inspiring.” — Anonymous
