From Heartbreak to Hope
Overcoming Adversity and Finding Purpose
On a winter sombre day in 2020, precisely 13th December, I was a few seconds from becoming a published author on till late in the night when my soul suffered the greatest disappointment a Yung trying man would have to suffer.
The complexities of life are such that There are words we hate to pronounce but as nature would allow it, inevitability is a certainty. Of course, one such word or act is “disappointment”.
The tale of life would have been much better if we humans have the power to avoid the crushing and despondent wale of disappointment which does not sometimes make us cry but fry our hopes and aspirations.
Hey, I tell you, your ability to utilize the pain of disappointment to a burning desire and motivation for success does not only make you a great character alone, it makes you a perpetual winner.
There are moments my heart usually echoes that hey, “You have done your best, leave the rest to god, you cannot kill yourself” but I tell you, this is deceptive advice that will perpetually keep you in misery or hopelessness.
My journey and desire of becoming a writer began far back when I was 15 years old. I was a little boy with fewer opportunities, confined in the miserable living conditions of boarding school. The only study materials with me were my typewriter, the school’s braille machine and pieces of braille and typing sheets. No textbooks, no literary materials no outside world knowledge was before me. It was me and me alone.
Perhaps, I would say, a lonely little chap struggling in his little world to make meaning out of what he never knew. So, I wrote my first poem in 2013 to mourn my late grandmother titled “Who shall I blame”, which was never published but was profoundly appreciated by my English teacher. It was more than enough for me.
One part of the motivation is the feeling of being appreciated and celebrated at any slightest opportunity. So, it gives you the desire to do more for more accolades.
Do you know that the first time I read a complete book was in 2018, and that was Richard Right’s “native son”? I was very, very happy and felt alive. I described it as technology at work. I had my first Android phone with a screen reader application. Funny right?
You see, Paulo Coelho, in the alchemist said, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” He is right. Before I got my first laptop, you could imagine how many manuscripts of my works got missing in the hands of those who offered to help me. Very disappointing and demoralizing indeed.
My anger and disappointment became a pride that I must write, publish and show them that I have done what they never expected me to do. LOL. It is funny, isn’t it? It is my pride and vow that is why I cannot stop till I write and publish. It has kept me going.
When you are confronted by disappointments, you have to fight back. Find a reason of proving a point. You must not give up. At any point, if you want to give up, see yourself in a movie as a character that is been laughed at by people for failing. That alone will give you the ginger to fight back.
Back to my earlier story.
2020 was a year that many would hate to remember because of the outbreak of COVID-19. The lockdown had a profound effect on many lives. The fact that one will wake up praying to survive and escape the news of not contracting the virus alone was killing.
So, in September, I approached a politician in my native state of Benue for assistance to publish my first novel. His response was gracious and heavenly appealing. So, I began to sing hosana. LOL.
I refused to accept the fact that most politicians are camera chasers and they are okay living you in an illusion that they care.
I have no reason to doubt him because I was failed by many people and his words were too good to deny. There rested my hopes of salvation at last. My saviour asked me to come back in December that my project was a big one and needed to be given proper attention.
There were beliefs and great hopes. I was becoming a published author. On the day of our meeting, I was very punctual and neatly dressed in a newly bought suit only to be disappointed later in the night when I finally met him.
When my perceived saviour refused to help me, I was shattered beyond imagination and despair beyond redemption. The worse thing was that my friend and I had to walk back kilometres home.
Quite frankly, I had a long break from my disappointment and it is only natural to feel so. In any case, if you are faced with such, you are free to grieve but not to grave your dreams.
You should always celebrate small favours and progress and try to picture how glorious it could have been if you had achieved what you wanted.
It gives motivation and rekindles hope. I began writing weekly essays on Facebook and some blogs. Though it is free, I have got the feeling that people are happy with what I am doing and the joy on their faces gives me the drive to continue.
Sharing your story with people sometimes gives you the strength to move on, but realizing the inner injury that deserves to be healed by no medicine than you give you more fire to go on.
William Shakespeare said: "Hope is a lover's staff; walk hence with that and manage it against despairing thoughts." Hope must be kept alive by all means in every circumstance. We live because there is a reason and the reason to live is to achieve great things and to achieve greatness, hope must be alive. If you have more to share, come on. Let us begin the conversation.
