From ‘Just Be a Man’ To ‘Just Be Honest’
Rethinking Relationship Communication
It can be triggering meeting men who treat open communication as complaints, “arguments”, or just bitchin’ in general because they are unable to effectively communicate their thoughts without feeling the need to be defensive.
Sips wine.
Womanhood has created a different level of understanding and appreciation for communication, especially in relationships.
While there is blame to be placed on the men, I also acknowledge our part in the lack of expectations we have for men who are unable to voice their emotions, their wants, and their needs.
Many men carry the stigma that they cannot openly express their emotions, having been taught that doing so is associated with femininity.
For some, their upbringing involved suppressing their feelings, with any form of complaint being perceived as a sign of weakness.
“Just be a man.”
This is no longer a valid excuse, but rather, in my opinion, a self-imposed limitation.
As we mature, we are presented with numerous opportunities to adapt and grow. The resources and knowledge are readily available.
However, some men choose not to prioritize communication or growth for that matter, failing to recognize its crucial role, particularly within our relationships.
The simple man
As much as men often portray themselves as straightforward and uncomplicated, their capacity to engage in open and direct communication, or even to accept “unwanted” communication, can sometimes be quite limited.
It is not solely a gender issue, some women nag just to nag.
I wouldn’t want to hear it either.
However, our focus here is on the women who possess the ability to communicate their desires and needs effectively, eliminating the need for mind-reading.
These women have a clear understanding of what they want and require from their partners, regardless of the dynamics within the relationship, whether it’s casual or more serious.
Men ask for women who can tell them exactly what they need from you, yet you are incapable of verbalizing whether you can commit to it or not.
What is the excuse for that?
What is the point of asking women to be upfront and open when there is no receptiveness or reciprocation taking place?
I realize then men often associate active communication with arguing.
It is our tone? Are we offending you? Do you feel attacked? Or are you insecure?
The point of encouraging women to be upfront and honest about their desires is to create a foundation for mutual understanding and growth in a relationship.
However, for communication to be truly effective, both parties need to be receptive and reciprocate with their thoughts and feelings.
I truly want to know what it is about a woman communicating her feelings and presenting issues that cause you to meet her with defensiveness and dismissiveness.
I understand repetition and not wanting to divulge the same issues that seem redundant.
But if issues are left unaddressed, it should be expected.
If men expressed the most effective way to communicate with them, then as women we can meet them halfway.
I have met a lot of men who are able to communicate and vocalize their needs and emotions.
They possess a quality called “Emotional Intelligence” (get you some).
They can accurately communicate their thoughts and relay their feelings, without fear, pride, or ego; eliminating the need for their partner to overthink or assume because they are able to understand their thoughts.
Here are 3 ways to effectively communicate in a relationships
- Actively listen
What is your partner saying? You hear them but are you listening? We sometimes are quick to respond to the things someone says without fully taking heed to what they mean.
Especially when we receive feedback about ourselves.
Our instinctive response often leans toward defensiveness rather than responsiveness.
Listen to your partner.
If there’s any ambiguity, don’t hesitate to ask questions.
Both sides should endeavor to not only express themselves but also to be active listeners, working together to understand each other’s needs.
2. Have empathy
It is not your emotions or thoughts to dissect. We’re all unique individuals, and our perceptions will inevitably vary. The key is to practice understanding.
You don’t have to agree with everything your partner says, but fostering a sense of general understanding and support can encourage them to open up without fear of judgment or ridicule.
It’s essential to address any concerns about tone, feeling attacked, or insecurities, as these factors can greatly impact the quality of communication within a relationship.
Open and empathetic discussions can help bridge these communication gaps.
3. Be honest
If there are aspects of the relationship that your partner is requesting, but you’re unwilling or unable to fulfill, it’s vital to communicate this.
Nagging often originates from unaddressed desires and needs, and it will persist if they go unmet.
Be honest with your own feelings. Your emotions are always subjected to change, your partner should be privy to that.
A gem: Emotional Intelligence!
Emotional intelligence is the foundation!
Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control, evaluate, and use emotions to communicate with and relate to others effectively and constructively. (Taken from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-emotional-intelligence-2795423)
It’s crucial to recognize that this is a shared journey. While men play a role in the communication dynamics, women also have a part to play in setting expectations.
We can all work to create a safe space for open expression, understanding, and growth.
In the realm of relationships, the power of communication is undeniable.
As we navigate the complexities of connection, understanding, and emotional exchange, we come to appreciate the profound role that open and honest communication plays.
This journey unveils the intricate interplay of communication within the realm of gender dynamics.
As I get older, I can see the true value and purpose of communicating.
I welcome it.
I appreciate it.
I appreciate when I can meet someone and be open about who I am, and they can reciprocate it without force.
I’ve learned to channel my energy where it thrives most, avoiding the futile attempt to force connections that lack authenticity.
Through self-discovery, I’ve grown to recognize the kind of people I naturally resonate with.
It’s absolutely fine to acknowledge incompatibility in someone and gracefully move on but without active communication to bridge that gap it will be harder to determine.
- Shei
