7 Simple Habits That Piece My Life Together In My 20s.
How I transformed from a fearful boy to a fearless man.
When I was 19, life was easy.
I went to class in the morning. Hanged out with friends in the afternoon. Spent time with my girlfriend in the evening. Got home and played some videos until 2 or 3 AM before drifting off to sleep — only to repeat the same routine the next day.
I was living on autopilot. I didn’t have any plans or concrete systems in place. The whole day is just me reacting to whatever happened.
The only habits I had were brushing my teeth and taking shower.
I had an easy life, but not a good life. The absence of habits takes me hours just to decide what to do next.
I thought habits were restrictive and time-consuming. I thought my life would be more spontaneous and fun if I didn’t follow any strict routines.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Habits don’t steal away my time and freedom, it creates time for me to do what matters. Habits save me from wasting my precious mental resources on mundane decisions.
I used to spend a lot of time deciding when I should go to the gym. Ever since working out at 1 PM became a habit, my brain just switched to gym mode when the clock hit. The whole decision-making process is effortless.
The effect of habits compound over time.
If you smoke, it might seem harmless after a few weeks. But after years of inhaling toxic fumes, your lung is damaged, your breathing sucks and you’re stressed all the time.
In contrast, if you cultivate a regular workout habit. You will see no visible difference in your body immediately, perhaps not even after several months. But it doesn’t mean you’re not making progress. Fast forward two years, and now you have built yourself an impressive physique.
People see the overnight success — but no one sees the 10 years of hard work, dedication, rejections, and consistency. Private victory must come before public victory.
Understanding the importance of habits, I embarked on a journey of learning how to build good habits and break bad ones. It’s been a long journey of trial and error. There are some habits that everyone raves about — but they turn out to be not my thing at all. With that said, here are 7 habits that help me piece my life together in my 20s:
1. Writing
When I became a teenager, I indulged myself in the activities that all the cool 18-year-old kids do.
Porn. Video games. Cigarettes. Weed.
I kept on doing the same habits that were destroying me.
I was switching from Youtube to Facebook to Instagram, just to run away from the thought that: “I hate myself and I wish I didn’t want to wake up tomorrow….”
I was deeply insecure. I feel like I’m better than most people, yet the biggest failure on earth at the same time.
One day, I came across a Youtube video about journalling and how it could improve my mental health. At that moment, I remembered how much I loved to write as a child. So I picked up my pen, grab a piece of paper, and started writing.
For the next month, I kept writing and writing and writing. I wrote about:
- My fear
- My pain
- My inadequacy
- My bad habits
- My childhood trauma
- My family and friends
- What I’m grateful for
- My goals, my vision.
- What I needed to do to get there.
- My wins and losses.
- My victories and failures.
Do you notice the pattern?
I started out by writing about what I didn’t like about myself.
But over time, that changed. No, I changed.
Writing became my beacon of hope. I had a target, and I used writing as a map to get me there
It all started with a tiny piece of paper.
My writing evolved along with my personal growth.
It was not a smooth path. It was a rough, bumpy, uncertain path. I got lost in the ways multiple times. But as long as I’m not standing still or walking backward, every step is a step closer to my destination.
Writing gives me what I lack the most — clarity.
Back then, my thoughts were like raging monsters outside of the gate — relentlessly crawling and shouting — threatening to devour me. Putting it all into words eased my anxiety.
It forced me to articulate my deepest, most uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. Through writing, I gained insights into my problems, what I did wrong, and how I could do better.
I was in a dark place and writing shed a light on me.
2. Working out
I started working out in the summer of 2021 with two pair of 4kg dumbells.
At the time, I was deeply unsatisfied with my body. I was skinny fat. I was weak.
So I started training with those trendy 30-minute workouts by Chris Heria.
I wanted a six-pack so bad that I trained abs every single day. And of course, that’s not how you get abs. All I focused on was training — not diets and nutrition. I still ate junk food and drank Coke every week.
I didn’t see any significant changes in my body, but I felt better. Way better.
Then lockdown was over. I wanted to go to the gym. But I was so anxious about going alone. So I asked one of my friends to go with me.
He was a real gym bro who is hella strong and has been training for 5 years. I was afraid he wouldn’t go with a newbie like me. But to my surprise, he agreed and we became (gym) partners.
The initial days were so uncomfortable. I felt like everyone was looking at me and judging my form.
It became worse when my friend got busy and I had to work out alone.
One time, a PT there had to go and corrected my form because he was afraid I was gonna injure myself. It was so embarrassing. The thought of never returning back to this hell crossed my mind.
But then I realized that they were being supportive. They were trying to help — not to ridicule me.
Times went by and now I have been training consistently for 22 months. My body has undergone a significant transformation. I feel stronger and better every day. But that’s not the best part about resistance training. It’s the philosophy behind it.
To build muscle, you must train close to failure — meaning you have to get out of your comfort zone. You have to be okay with discomfort. The same concept applies to all aspects of self-development.
Another lesson that sticks with me is about progressive overload — the most important concept in bodybuilding. With every single workout, the goal is to push a little bit harder than you did the last time. Just a little bit. It could be deadlifting 1.25kg heavier, adding an extra rep, an extra set or simply reducing the rest time.
Everyone wants to be millionaires in a week. We expect to be a great leader over a six-week course. We want to have thousands of followers on social media after 5 posts. But that’s not how progress works. True progress lies in small but steady and consistent improvements, day by day.
3. Sleep early
When I was in high school, my sleep schedule was 3 AM. The thing is, I had to wake up and go to school at around 6.30 so I had 3 hours and 30 minutes of sleep. Every. Single. Day.
And I wondered why I could barely keep my eyes open during class.
Unless you were ignorant like me, you probably know that sleep affects every aspect of our life. Sleep is the cornerstone of well-being. It’s the most important thing you need to prioritize for a good life.
But everyone’s doing the exact opposite.
We love to hustle. We stay up all night and work hard. We exhaust ourselves in the hope of gaining freedom and wealth.
But for what? To finally have time to rest and sleep?
Why are we sacrificing our health — to get healthy in the end?
Why are we sacrificing the thing we want for the thing we’re supposed to get?
We yearn to have more than 24 hours in a day. So we attempt to increase that time — by sleeping less.
But any professional athlete will tell you that real magic happens when you rest. Muscles are built during recovery — not when you’re lifting. All of Nietzche’s greatest ideas came when he was walking.
The quality of your life depends on the quality of your sleep.
If you want to produce more, work less and sleep more.
4. Take more responsibility
I used to hate responsibility.
One time, I spilled a can of soda, leaving a huge pink puddle on the floor (Don’t ask me why I drank pink stuff).
Luckily, there was no one around. So I ran away and escaped the scene — leaving the mess I created behind.
For most of my life, I tried to run away from as much responsibility as possible.
Why?
Because it sucks to be wrong.
It sucks to do more work.
It sucks to accept our own failures and shortcomings.
When you take in more responsibility, you’re taking more risks. You’re increasing the chance of embarrassing yourself.
But my past self failed to realize one important thing.
Life begins at the edge of your ability.
I only focused on the negatives. I was so haunted by fear — that I couldn’t see anything else beyond failure and judgment.
When I spilled that soda can, all I thought about was how much time and effort it would take to clean this mess. That it would be so embarrassing and everyone would laugh at my poor face.
I overlooked a critical fact: Responsibility equals control. By taking responsibility for my actions, I have full control over my situation.
Stop blaming the government.
Stop blaming your parents.
Stop blaming the systems.
If things don’t work out, it’s all your fault.
It’s tough. But it’s liberating.
How the hell are you going to change if the reason why your life sucks is because of some external factors like the system?
5. Focus on what I can control:
This is the first lesson I learned about when I discovered Stoicism — and it’s also the most important lesson I learned in my early 20s.
You have limited time and energy on Earth. When you spend time on things that don’t matter, you lose time for the thing that does.
I used to read the news every day. I was surrounded by negative stories.
Murders. Rape. Assaults. Cheating. Scandals. People screaming at each other for not having the same opinions.
I talked to my friends about those problems. I enrolled myself in heated debates with my family about politics (which is the single best way to ruin a family night)
I got angry. I got stressed out. I got so upset.
The thing is, I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t change the world. I could barely change my bed sheet.
As a result, I felt small, hopeless, and insignificant
But there was no point in doing that. There was no point screaming at the wall and hoping that it will break.
One time, I had to give a presentation in front of hundreds of people. I’ve always had a big fear of presentations. I was scared of judgment. I was scared of doing something stupid and everyone would laugh at me.
However, I couldn’t control if someone would laugh at me. I couldn’t control my fear.
What I could do is prepare to have the best presentation in my ability. I could practice more. I could go to the stage early and get used to the settings. I could find resources and learn from great public speakers on Youtube.
And the presentation went well. Did I make mistakes? Yes, I still stumbled and forgot what I was planning to say a few times. Did other people judge and laugh at me for that? I don’t know. Probably. Doesn’t matter.
Start to identify what you can and cannot control in your life
When presented with a problem, ask yourself: “Can I do anything about this?”
If yes, figure out what that thing is and do it. That’s the only way you can solve your problems.
If not, accept it. Let it go. You can’t do anything about it anyways so why waste time thinking about it? (I know this is easier said than done. But trust me, you’ll get better over time.)
6. Work towards something meaningful
When I was 18, I didn’t know where I wanted to be or who I wanted to become. So I just picked whatever major is popular and cool to study at university.
Data Science and Artificial Intelligence.
Everyone was talking about how much money I would make if I chose that major.
In my first 3 years, I worked hard. I did exercises. I did a lot of projects. I got good at it.
But I didn’t like it. I hated every second I’m in the lecturer hall.
Every day I wake up, I wished tomorrow would be different.
That’s when I realized:
It wasn’t what I wanted. It was what society expected of me. I was living somebody else’s life. I was living everyone else’s life.
I knew that I was becoming someone that I’m not.
I was staying away from my core, from my true purpose, from my real desire.
I hated the system for not allowing myself and others to do what they’re passionate about, and for killing everyone’s dreams.
I was wrong. The system doesn’t kill anyone’s dreams. It works perfectly as it supposed to be.
“The world will ask you who you are, and if you don’t know, the world will tell you.” — Carl Jung
When you play a game and don’t select your character, you will be assigned a default one. When you don’t intentionally create your life, you will be created by society and culture.
Find something meaningful to do. If you can’t find it, guess. Every wrong guess brings you closer to knowing what you truly want to do.
It’s like crafting a sculpture. You gotta cut out all the unnecessary parts to carve out your masterpiece.
It’s a long process. It’s an extremely hard one. But it’s the most rewarding thing you could do with your life.
7. Say “I love you” more to my mom:
I used to hate my mom.
I resented her constant questioning and trivial arguments.
My mom has been a primary school teacher for her entire life. She worked hard to provide for my family.
She was my teacher in my 4th and 5th grade. Got my ass whooped 2 times in class — one of them still leaves a mark on my body to this day and probably for the rest of my life.
In the West, it’s called child abuse. In Vietnam, we call it love.
It’s true, though. She loves me, more than anything else in her life. She’s taken care of the family since the day I was born. However, I was the only person who shows her affection.
I started telling her I love her since I was in high school. I didn’t know why back then, but I do now.
My father never expresses gratitude to her despite constantly asking her for money. My brother (if we ignore the fact that he suffers from severe depression) is just a terrible human being. He’s made my mom cried so many times — not because of his condition, but because my mom got on his nerves and he couldn’t control his temper.
The first time I said “I love you” to my mom — Her face lit up, almost looked like she was about to burst into tears
At that moment, I realized how lonely and unappreciated she must have felt for decades, and how I was the only person who brings joy into her life. I realized how fortunate I am to have a mother — who loves me with all her heart, who cares for me unconditionally.
It took me back to all the time she was by my side when I was sick. When she stayed up all night on a plastic chair after my 9-hour surgery.
When I told her that I had a craving for mangoes and she bought like 20 of them. We couldn’t finish them all and had to throw away half of them, yet she never complained.
She did all that for her little boy. She gave me love her whole life — the love she wishes she had received herself.
And here I was, frustrated because she asked me the same question 3 times.
I realized that my mom is almost 60 years old now. I saw so much more wrinkles on her face compared to last year. It saddened me to think that the time I got to express my love was gradually diminishing with each passing day.
I regret not expressing my gratitude sooner. But I’m lucky. I’ve noticed my mistakes. I know what I did wrong and most importantly:
I know what I need to do now.
That’s it for today.
Thank you for your precious time. I appreciate all of your support.
Tristian Bui
