Have We Lost Our Edge?
What to do when your softer side takes over
Over a delicious lunch of sushi and saki at NYC’s SugarFish recently, my good friend and former colleague told me she thinks she’s lost her Edge. Or more accurately, that her boyfriend pointed out she’s lost her Edge.
I laughed out loud at the possibility of this. You see, Mia (name has been changed) is one of the smartest, strongest, logical, and driven women I know. Who is she kidding?
Mia explains that after months of quarantine and being out of work, she is no longer approaching life with the same aggressiveness or vigor that she would have last year. She is finding herself complaining about frustrations and roadblocks instead of driving results and taking control of her life’s narrative.
This got me thinking that we all seem to have moved into survival on some level. We have all been affected somehow, from the many friends who have lost their jobs, to the recently re-opened stores and restaurants with less than stellar traffic, and the wholesalers are losing millions of dollars as more retailers go into bankruptcy.
It feels like we are all just holding on in hopes that the storm will end.
Have we switched into a survival mode where survival is the goal, instead of being better, or god forbid, great? Are we just trying to get through the year, instead of crush it?
Have we lost our Edge?
“Put that coffee down!! Coffee’s for closers only.”
- Blake, played by Alec Baldwin in the 1992 movie Glengarry Glen Ross
Are we in the Shark Tank?
With the unemployment rate far higher than any time since the Great Depression, and the fear of future bankruptcies looming, it feels like a contraction of opportunities and jobs.
What is needed more than ever to stand out?
An edge.
Confident, driven, results-oriented people have become more critical in this job market. Even if you currently have a job, the need to prove your worth is more important than ever, so you can keep your job if the company needs to downsize at any time.
The sharks are circling….
Fast-paced, aggressive, results-oriented environments have taken on the nickname of “Shark Tank”… heck, there is even a hit show on MSNBC by the same name.
In these tanks, you tend to have a group of individual contributors out for only themselves. The system is set-up to pit everyone against each other for a competition to the top. This is the working environment of cold-blooded killers with teeth known for smelling blood in the water (weakness) and creating sneak attacks to stay on top. To live in this environment, you need to grow a thick skin and feel that you will die if you stop moving forward.
This environment creates sharks.
These work environments are precisely the kind of environment old school managers wanted for their teams. Heck, I’ve worked on these teams. There is a whole industry of authors and motivational speakers from Zig Ziglar to Tony Robbins that help people in the tank succeed and make that sale.
On second thought, is this kind of work environment we want to live in? Do you want to be a cold-blooded shark? Is that the kind of Edge we need?
Is it really a problem to lose your Edge?
How did we lose our Edge?
Have you experienced a change recently? Is there anyone that can say no to this?
In the article, “The Psychology of Coping with Change,” Dr. Larry Richard mentions that there are 2 kinds of change, episodic and continuous. It is the constant, unending change that can be a real problem.
“(Continuous change)puts us in a constant state of alert. We remain “off-balance” much of the time. Since it has no endpoint, we’re never fully able to relinquish all of our refocused attention. There’s always a part of our brain that’s vigilant in case the next iteration of change brings with it some more dire consequence.” — Dr. Larry Richard in The Psychology of Coping with Change
This inability to close the door on the change, as it keeps coming, is how we lost our Edge and keeps you from being who you really are and want to be.
Let’s all do an Edge check:
- Does complaining feel like a full-time job?
- Are you having a hard time focusing?
- Is hope your current strategy?
- Is life feeling dull or uninteresting?
- Do you wake up not knowing how today will be better than yesterday?
- Are you exhausted, sluggish, more often than not?
- Are you fighting more with your friends and family?
- Are you feeling anxious?
- Are you not feeling like your “best self.”
One yes of the above is not right, multiple yes’ means you likely lost your Edge.
Let’s look at some strategies to get your Edge back.
“Everything in the Universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” — Rumi.
What would Deepak Chopra do?
After listening to hours of Deepak Chopra meditations, the one thing I know, he would say it to “center yourself.” The first step is really a pre-step to clear out the crap you don’t want — the stress.
Centering is the act of letting everything go around you and focusing inward to get to a neutral state. In the practice of centering, you should feel the stress go away, your breathing in longer slower breathes, blood pressure lower, and a sense of calm emerge.
There are hundreds of articles, apps, and podcasts that can help you do this. However, here are the necessary steps to get centered:
- Sit anywhere you won’t be disturbed
- Close your eyes
- Stop Thinking
- Just listen
- Repeat daily
That is it! Most new practitioners only make it a couple minutes, so don’t despair if you feel like you are doing it wrong. You are doing it right.
It is from this state that you can start to build back your Edge.
“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.” — Jordan Belfort in the Wolf of Wall Street.
Getting your Edge back
Now that we have made a space in our brains for a change, let’s look at what will help get the Edge back. These suggestions can be completed in any order. You can dive into one step for a while or work on all of them every day.
- Take an accounting of who you are right now. Be honest. Get rid of what you don’t want, love the rest. This step will give you the ability to build upon your best assets.
- Reach out to friends you haven’t spoken too in a while. It is amazing what happens when friends and colleagues remind you what is great about you. This step will reconnect you to the people around you and remind you that you are not alone.
- Make a plan, and make it outrageous. Don’t hold back when dreaming big. Focus on what you wanted to be and do as if you were 6 years old. Forget the complaints and perceived barriers while you make your goals. And, finally, break big goals into manageable steps, or micro-goals. And then hold yourself accountable to this plan. This step will give you a reason to get up every morning, as well as something healthy to focus on
- Get out of your comfort zone, and scare the s#$% out of yourself. Why? Because it will wake you up, and you can do it. And maybe you will learn something new in the process. This step will prove to you that you are only limited by yourself and give you a new sense of pride.
- Get outside! It doesn’t matter the weather, just dress appropriately. You won’t melt in the rain, and getting fresh air in your lungs, sun on your face, and a little exercise is what everybody needs. This step rewards you physically, so your body can continue to reward you.
- Check-in with yourself weekly to review your progress. Look for the positives, and if something doesn’t work out as well as you hoped, re-adjust and start again. This step will give you a constant feedback loop and the opportunity to change.
Suppose you continuously run through these steps on a weekly loop. In that case, you will see your confidence return, you’ll expand your horizons and feel like a part of a community again.
A life you love will emerge.
And isn’t that the Edge we all want?
