He follows me…. here, there, and everywhere

Even if I try running away from it, like a coil the energy hog wraps his snake scales in my skin

Kallol Mazumdar
ILLUMINATION
5 min readFeb 21, 2023

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Of tender times, I grow and shine, with delight my eyes light

As I go into the enchanted woods, willing to give all my goods and gentle heart

Right after school, fairies emerge, took me to a merry home, feed me cookies and milk

I know how the response unabated revolted around me and my ilk

I go there and say ‘hye’ to the fairies and they go into the heavens to find a swimsuit to take me swimming in beautiful memories

Soon the light and tree smell surrounds my fruity eyes

Like a raspy fruit seed bubbled with dry delight

As we swim in the deluded captivity, with child-like innocence I went missing and bought my own plight

For a baby, I was in the midst of a dungeon of dens, thick green cover,

I liked the tainted scent of death in trees

It soon phased out but remained with me for long

For I know and sense my exciting endearment, hush it out, release the craving of fear

Of deep and deep I went and found a subtle mirror, flabbergasted to see the inner dimensions

I rose pitty eyed, looked through it, and reach for the same space on a different timeline

I feel the wrath of time has been catapulting hard on me

But as the naysayer tooth fairy girl I was, I went back to exploring the woods

The sight I see shook me to the core, like an insect humming the treacherous sound

It came to me; all the pain, sorrow, pleasure, and ground-to-ground feelings of a naysaying small girl

A beam emerge and pushed me hard and I became a lady

With the gardens in ensuing peace in my fandom

I see the rose blossoming with flatulence, I am happy again, coarse, hard, and rough willing to sense the solitaire

Of all the bounty upheaval and lasting, a being riding the horse came in from the humankind

As he traps me with his rough hands and drags me to an unfazed tree

He tries to kill me with a naysaying knife and forces me to bed with him.

As the clouds go dark and the rains start pouring, I try fighting him with might

I try and try but fail, for all I know this went nowhere, it wasn’t meant to go anywhere.

As he tried to reach my belly button with a sickle-like knife

I grow abhorrently amazed, like counting backward, kneeling downwards, and unfazed and unabated.

As my sweats flood my bed and the warm breath of my husband touches my furry face

As, I go beyond and abode looking at the sky from the balcony in dark, dim light. I cried with self-realization

For the same white milk and cookies, of rewinding the swimming lessons, a demon came out on the woods

Tricked me into following a trail, of unknown secrets traveling beyond miles and eons

As the darkness envelops and kingdoms fell to protect me

A short-sighted hall of consciousness fell apart

I remain deeply unattended by myself

So, reckless and repulsive, it makes me feel

As I wake up with scratches everywhere and deeply scourged

My mother saw me and came running to take me to our home

Laid on the grass bedding then and there

The same man foreshadowed in our ramparts

As I see him, I feeble and cry harrowingly but yet cannot speak

Growing fatherless made me lose my brunt and aggressive side

As he peaked at my deformed body, my mother nursed me and I peeked at him. He looked at me with harrowing deeply perversive eyes.

I could feel my heart naked, if there was any more bare and raw version of me there was

For he went that day, amassing a solid pain and disdain to my ever-expanding emotions

Since that day from now, again it started, 4 months until now since the treachery starts happening again

Lines started to blur and miserable times stuck to our mud-thatched door

Back in the abyss and an ensuing struggle starts

For the beloved partner was a second demon and yet he got his way again.

I went sleepless that night and did not say, repeat, or object.

With a scanty sense of boredom left the house in vain

After leaving the conscious utterance I was shifted back to the rageful horse rider

As he coalesced in my skin swollen hurtings flatten, I was in misery

For every ocean had to end somewhere, I tricked him into having his way with me

Used my bare body to lure him to seas and make him drown till his horse bleeds

For the timelines change and shifted back to the gore house

Where dead skulls remain and cultures sink in disdain

As the apathetic monster chameleon, my husband was

His eyes lust you to do things unimaginable and yet he throws you away when you are deemed replaceable

He came and I can smell his suit wreaking havoc with an assuaged spray

For pity that he loves his food as I baked him amazing cookies and milk

He loved it even after his adult days of bulky muscles and having it big between the thighs

For he ate it with unprecedented vigor, satisfaction, and contentment

To my merriment, his neck started shrinking. His compact printed 3D body became a blueberry muffin that meets red plum.

His throat and neck veins are swollen and he fell to the ground.

I left him and he jerked like a fainting waterfall till the white wheatish liquid stopped pouring out.

For the days when I was small, and shifting timelines in despair, again I woke up

But this was really waking up, through all these men to whom I owe my thanks,

Including an abusive father who did all things possible with my child-like mother

If at all I could give it back, as I woke up now, preparing my breakfast, having it,

and heading to court for all the wrongs people like these hellholes commit

I am shocked yet dejected that I see the petty, crude people with no heart

While I laugh in merriment, I get to trap them in their black holes, like I already did with my demonic culprits who are now rotting hard

Thanks a lot for reading my piece, I am deeply humbled. In case you want to read more, access the poems from here:

Thinking of you in the restful, restless, and riveting state

Visual Poetry: A spree of dim, dusky, dark street photos

Workers all over the world rise for your freedom

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Kallol Mazumdar
ILLUMINATION

Writing to unfurl and deconstruct the deceptive cover laid out on my gaze. Let the flow of ideas illuminate a part of me and a whole lot of you. 🌺🌻💐🍂🤺