Healing Emotional Trauma Means Decluttering Destructive Emotional Beliefs
We are all bombarded with thoughts. According to recent studies, that would be just over 6000 per day.
If that statistic is for a person with no mental and emotional problems, can you imagine what the data says for someone like me? I live with mental illness, so I can personally tell you that my daily thoughts are well over 6000!
But that doesn't mean I haven't had to go through an emotional decluttering process which, by the way, is still in progress.
What is emotional clutter?
In most cases, when we hear clear out the clutter, we immediately reference the physical items gathering dust in our houses, cars, desks. But that's not the only place for things to accumulate.
We all experience emotions that we don't always manage well. These feelings have a variety of effects on our life. Holding onto feelings of fear, anger, shame, guilt, resentment, loss, and worry are examples of "emotional clutter."
By bottling up or repressing our feelings, we hope that avoiding them will make them disappear, but little do we realize that we are building a tangled mess within ourselves.
Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and come forth later in uglier ways.” — Sigmund Freud
When my emotions are intense, I can only deal with that kind of heat by writing about it. So in these instances, my writing takes the form of poetry mainly.
Like this one 👇
I may occasionally try to write an opinion piece, but those are frequently the delirious ramblings of a hyper-manic moment I was experiencing.
Think rabid dog, foaming at the mouth, eyes bulging, voice so loud it becomes a shrill, and spittle flying everywhere as I go from screaming bloody murder to love-obsessed like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.
On second thought, I take that back. Glenn's character was no different.
Those emotions are hard to explain if you haven't experienced hypomania. And, by no means do I suggest you try and get yourself into such a state. It's costly and no fun.
Being someone who lives with multiple mental illnesses means I'm constantly experiencing and regulating emotion that equates to the physical manifestations of a geyser.
According to definition, a geyser is a hot spring that discharges jets of steam and water, and they're generally associated with volcanic activity.
Hence the reason behind my business name, WellSpring Outreach.
I don't have what I consider to be minor thoughts for the most part — for example, thinking about what I'm going to eat for lunch or making a mental note to pick up the drying cleaning.
Instead, I have intense thoughts that are vivid illustrations of my feelings which are very similar to the messy painting style of Jackson Pollock.
*NOTE: This is not an actual Pollock painting. ☝ But, you can play with creating your own Jackson Pollock painting here.
Furthermore, my emotions resemble geysers in that they are produced by heated underground waters that come into contact with or close to magma. I like using this analogy because it describes how emotional trauma underlies those explosive and uncontrollable feelings we all have at one time or another.
How do we know we have emotional clutter?
I recognize those feelings by the self-talk I exhibit when I have those emotions. An example of this would be heavy ruminating over the question, why? Why me? Why now?!
This type of dialogue happens when something I feel is devastating occurs, or I slip into catastrophic thinking or when I engage in internal and external self-deprecating statements like, "You're the worst person in the world." Or I'd say to myself, "I'm a useless piece of crap."
Being this way tends to create a never-ending loop, no different than an infinity roller-coaster, only it carries thoughts back and forth, over and under, and roundabout with no end in sight.
And my emotions are the coaster's wheels, spinning with every incident similar to the first time I encountered it.
In the past, I used drugs, food, and sex to make them go away. And, of course, covering up with substance use didn't help except to add more fuel to a blaze that was already out of control.
Now, I use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Dialectal Behaviour Therapy (DBT) consistently to make sure my emotional clutter doesn't pile up to the point of cataclysmic proportions.
Yet, even though I had the tools to clean up the mess within, it didn't make it any easier to tidy up those destructive feelings.
Why is decluttering emotions so hard?
Over time, with CBT, DBT, and various other non-invasive treatment modalities, I realized that my emotional pile-ups were predicated on core beliefs about myself and my place in the world.
Core beliefs are definitive statements about ourselves based on themes such as failure, hopelessness, and worthlessness.
With my childhood and most of my young adult life full of violent crime and severe neglect, one of the constant core beliefs I developed, and still must challenge every day, was "I'm not worthy of love."
Similar to the movie title, I absorbed that belief lock, stock, and barrel as a child.
I've carried that core belief for so long that it dictated every move I made. It appeared as though I was moving forward in life, but in reality, I was going through life's motions engrossed in wishing, hoping, and praying to be loved and not abandoned again.
Core beliefs are definitive statements about ourselves based on themes such as failure, hopelessness, and worthlessness.
Thus, my healing journey towards forgiveness and, ultimately, freedom required me to clear out the emotional clutter.
But, all I could think about was what kind of fresh hell is this while I went through the process.
I've collected far more negative thoughts, beliefs, and emotions to confirm and justify all of my fears, doubts, and rage. Or I tucked them away to ensure I never forgot the pain and suffering I felt when those traumatic experiences occurred so long ago.
It was a part of the survival mechanism I built to protect me from whatever or whoever tried to step in and do the dirty all over again.
On top of that, I also weaponize those feelings.
I emotionally armed myself, creating a wall against others and as punishment towards myself for not having the sense to know better in those situations. Albeit I was a child when the overwhelming traumas occurred. However, eventually, I grew up and made my own decisions.
It was a part of the survival mechanism I built to protect me from whatever or whoever tried to step in and do the dirty all over again.
Thus, there was no one to blame at that point.
In no way are we able to heal and recover from trauma without parting with the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that no longer serve us.
Nothing can grow in such a crowded dark space.
Unfortunately, just like the clutter in our homes, our heads become filled with these damaging emotions, and it isn't easy to part with them because they helped us survive.
But now we want to thrive!
What are the perks of emotional decluttering?
The most significant benefit to decluttering those contemptuous and resentful feelings was viewing myself more realistically.
Other benefits include:
• It enables you to appreciate, comprehend, and feel your emotions with greater clarity and awareness.
• It allows you to accept "the real you" rather than pretending to be someone you're not.
• It aids in the growth and expression of peace, joy, and contentment and allows you to practice unconditional love and gratitude from inside, especially since you will no longer be stifling your feelings.
• It helps you release your hidden, unwanted, and buried emotions in healthy ways.
• It makes it easy for you to forgive yourself and others and heals you from the inside out.
So, how do we declutter our emotions?
It is critical to our existence that we challenge ourselves to release those destructive emotions and the outdated core beliefs attached to them and begin cultivating new ones that express who we indeed are.
I've been able to declutter my emotions by:
1. Observing the Emotions.
Observing emotions helps us acknowledge their presence and become aware of their importance. By simply noticing, we take our first step towards controlling our intense emotions versus them controlling us.
2. Practice Mindfulness of Sensations.
Awareness in this way also shows us that we care about ourselves enough to take notice and thus become empowered to deal with our intense feelings.
3. Checking the Facts.
Learning this skill is essential! We must check that the message we've received from our emotions is correct. Sometimes we treat emotions as facts about the world around us.
Keep in mind the more potent the emotion is, the stronger the belief that that emotion is truth (e.g. "If I get lonely when left alone, I shouldn't be left alone." or "If I feel confident about something, it is right." or "If I love my partner, they must be okay.”)
By assuming our emotions represent facts about our world, we may use them to justify our thoughts and actions. Unfortunately, this can lead to ignoring facts and eventually awful results.
4. Using Opposite Action.
The principle of opposite action is exactly as it sounds. We use it when emotions DON'T fit the facts and when we've decided acting on our feelings is ineffective. Therefore, to declutter unwanted emotions, we must change the action-urge by acting opposite it.
Here are some examples of action urges and how to respond using opposite action.
5. Constructing an Alternative Core Belief.
After identifying what emotions we want to remove, we can reconstruct a core belief. But, first, we'd need to hone in on our automatic thoughts and then construct an alternative view that we substitute in on a frequent and consistent basis.
Sometimes, we can do this by simply flipping the script. Or we may need to go from an absolute belief into a qualifying belief or review a life experience we've had from an entirely new perspective.
Sometimes, we can do this by simply flipping the script. Or we may need to go from an absolute belief into a qualifying belief or review a life experience we've had from an entirely new perspective.
Below are examples of constructing an alternative core belief for each instance.
6. Remembering I Am Not My Emotions.
Emotions only make up one part of us, so it's best to keep a balance in all areas as much as possible. However, focusing on that one part only serves to negate all the rest of who we are and keep us in a loop of not remembering good times and focused solely on the bad ones.
7. Practicing Loving My Emotional Self.
Being a part of who we are, showing your emotion respect, and honouring its presence shows we can respect and honour ourselves as human beings. We must try and do this without judgment and accept our emotions just like we do for someone we care for.
Once upon a time, my emotions served the purpose of only solidifying the barrage of core beliefs that inhabited my entire existence.
I may feel better when I suppress my emotions, but the next time a disturbing situation occurs, my feelings will weigh me down much more.
However, once I got to work on freeing myself from the mental and emotional clutter, I felt like I had broken the trance-like spell I was under and began to live my life to the beat of my own drum.
Believe me when I say that the emotional decluttering journey to healing trauma is worth it!
I was able to reduce my dependence on psychiatric medications and conventional medical treatments, implement a structure to maintain a healthy and stable way of living, and still have the capability to live in this world unapologetically as who I am.
So I highly recommend that you give it a go and make those much-needed changes in your life.
Need more insight and support on your mental health and emotional wellness journey? I highly recommend reading the stories and articles by Liberty Forrest, Author, Kris Bedenian, Rex Shadeseagle, and Spyder Darling.
They're sure to brighten your perspective, shift your mindset, and uplift your spirit in more ways than one.
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Resource List:
Discovery of 'thought worms' opens window to the mind
https://www.queensu.ca/gazette/stories/discovery-thought-worms-opens-window-mind Accessed 23 Jan 2022
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
https://www.camh.ca/en/health-info/mental-illness-and-addiction-index/cognitive-behavioural-therapy Accessed 23 Jan 2022
What Is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)?
https://www.verywellmind.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy-1067402 Accessed 23 Jan 2022
Patricia Wright is a Canadian of Afro-Caribbean descent. She is a dedicated and passionate MH peer mentor, writer, speaker, and advocate. Patricia's sole mission is to raise awareness that women's mental health matters. She's on Twitter, LinkedIn, and Ko-Fi, and you can read more about her work at wellspringoutreach.com.
