Hermann Hesse’s “Demian”: The most difficult path in life is the path to self-discovery.
Hermann Hesse, one of the greatest German writers of the 20th century, wrote works such as “Demian,” “Steppenwolf,” “Siddhartha,” and “Beneath the Wheel.”
In 1946, Hesse was awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature.
Hesse’s writing was deeply influenced by romantic poetry, leading Victor Hugo to acclaim him as the “last knight of German Romanticism.”
In my opinion, when reading Hesse’s works, it feels like we can become children again, rediscovering the path of life, getting to know ourselves, and growing up once more.
“Demian: The Story of Emil Sinclair’s Youth” is one of Nobel laureate Hermann Hesse’s representative works.
It tells the story of the young Sinclair’s journey from confusion and uncertainty towards rebirth and growth.
01
At ten years old, Emil Sinclair was still a naive child, growing up in a happy and peaceful family.
This home was warm, bright, clean, orderly, and comfortable, with everything in perfect order.
Everyone followed the rules, had good manners, and engaged in daily rituals of morning readings and evening prayers, creating a sense of ceremony and order in their lives.
As the youngest child in the family, Emil received the protection of loving yet strict parents, and he had the companionship of his sisters and the care of servants.
This world was harmonious, resembling a “world of light.”
However, juxtaposed with it was a poor, chaotic, disorderly, and strange “world of darkness” filled with scandals, ghost stories, and an air of mystery.
Compared to the “world of light” which was peaceful and beautiful, the dark world was filled with danger, fear, and the unknown. Despite being well-protected, Emil seemed curious about the other world.
These two worlds coexisted and were inevitably intertwined; there were moments when they overlapped.
Emil grew up in the “first world,” but he had witnessed the appearance of the other world with his own eyes.
The maids would be busy in the clean and orderly world of light, but they would also tell ghost stories to Emil in the kitchen or woodshed.
Emil was expected by his parents to become an heir who embodied the values of the bright, clean, cautious, and orderly world. However, his growth was not a straight line but a winding curve.
Everyone’s journey in life is like this — no one’s path to adulthood is smooth sailing.
On his way to and from school, Emil would inevitably pass through that “world of darkness.” It was impossible to bypass that world and reach the peaceful and serene world of light directly.
Just as every class has top students and underachievers, every class also has well-behaved children and mischievous troublemakers.
Emil, who grew up without worries and received a good education, was unaware that in the other poor and strange world, some children struggled just to survive.
Growing up in that harsh environment, these children learned bad habits from an early age, such as lying, cursing, fighting, threatening, and bullying the weak.
Kromer was a typical representative of that “world of darkness.” At thirteen years old, he was older and physically larger than Emil, with a rough and brutal personality.
Emil, who came from the “world of light,” was innocent and naive. Although he felt fear, he didn’t have any defenses against people from the other world.
When a child is overly protected, once they are separated from the forces protecting them, they face more risks.
With curiosity and a desire for friendship, Emil subconsciously wanted to integrate into the other world.
However, the children from that world, led by Kromer, were not so easily accepting of Emil.
As a result, Emil found himself on the outskirts of the other world, seemingly out of place.
During childhood, we all long for friendship, to be accepted by this world, and to assimilate into a group.
A good friend can brighten our childhood, bringing joy and warmth. Conversely, if we’re not so lucky, we may be dragged into the shadows.
To “make friends” and blend in with them, Emil told a very naive lie — he claimed to have stolen some top-quality Reinette apples.
Furthermore, to make the story appear true, he diligently “described” the details to make Kromer believe him.
To gain trust, others made him swear, and he obediently swore in the name of God, solemnly declaring that every word he said was true.
Little did he know that this innocent lie would become the lever Kromer used to control Emil. Over time, it tormented him mentally and physically, leaving him restless and tormented.
Under Kromer’s coercion and enticement, to prevent the “lie” from being exposed, Emil had to steal money from his home and give it to Kromer without his parent’s knowledge. For a child, bearing those fears and anxieties alone, the inner pressure was immense.
The concerns of youth can be deafening, but Emil endured it, unable to confide or seek help from those closest to him due to his fragile self-esteem.
One lie often requires more lies to sustain it.
Emil felt suffocated and overwhelmed, and the psychological pressure even affected his physical well-being. He enjoyed his mother’s care while feeling deeply ashamed.
He lived in constant fear, afraid that his “lie” and “guilt” would be uncovered, but that day never arrived.
He waited like Waiting for Godot, exhausted mentally and physically, awaiting the judgment day.
In everyone’s life, there have been times of confusion and helplessness when one cannot find a way out on their own, nor can others step in.
In truth, Emil could have had a clear conscience because he had never stolen an apple.
But the problem was that he had sworn in the name of God and fell victim to Kromer’s threats.
The kidnapping in the name of God and Kromer’s coercion was like an abyss, making him unable to look directly at himself or face his true self.
Remember, our little Emil was only ten years old at this time, inexperienced in the ways of the world. Anything that seemed stronger than him could intimidate him.
As Hesse said, “God makes us lonely so that we can find ourselves through various paths.”
02
When Sinclair’s inner world was severely troubled, luckily, he met Damien.
Damien’s arrival was like a light shining in the darkness, dispelling the haze surrounding Sinclair.
Damien was older than Sinclair and appeared much more mature than children of his age.
He was intelligent, determined, wise, with a gentlemanly demeanor, but also independent and even daring enough to openly challenge the teacher.
This made many students curious about him, including Sinclair, who secretly paid attention to him.
When Sinclair paid attention to Damien, he didn’t know that Damien had also noticed him.
One day after school, Damien took the initiative to approach Sinclair, they talked and walked together, discussing the marks on Sinclair’s house door and the story of Cain and Abel in class.
Damien’s version of the story overturned the clichéd version taught by the teacher, and his perspective on issues aroused Sinclair’s strong curiosity.
For the first time, Sinclair’s heart was shaken, questioning his single understanding of certain things from the past.
For example, he discovered that what the teacher explained could also be deeply contemplated or viewed from different angles, rather than accepting everything blindly.
As Damien said, “These ancient stories are all true, but the way they are recorded and interpreted may not be accurate.
In any case, I think Cain is an extraordinary guy, it’s just that people, out of fear, have fabricated many stories about him, which are all rumors that have been passed down through generations.
One thing is true, Cain and his descendants do have some kind of mark and are therefore different.”
Everyone’s view of the world is one-sided, and everyone’s vision has blind spots.
There is no absolute good or bad, right or wrong in the world.
Each person has their scale in their heart.
But most of the time, without one’s own subjective will coming into play, without some clear awareness, it is inevitable to follow the crowd, imitate others, and even be pushed forward by the invisible hand of fate.
Damien said, “People with courage and individuality always make others afraid.”
For Sinclair, he was afraid of Kromer for complex reasons, not only because Kromer had caught hold of his “handle,” but also because Kromer was stronger than him and had an unrestrained personality.
In addition, he dared not face his inner self directly and was deeply bound by moral rules.
Being born means carrying many questions throughout life, whether it’s one kind of question or another.
But getting stuck amid these questions and pondering over them will only make them more complicated.
Sometimes, the only way is to step out and look at them from a third-person perspective, then the problems will gradually become clear.
And calm, wise Damien seemed to have seen through the essence of the problem long ago: “People only fear when they deviate from their hearts. They are afraid because they cannot face themselves candidly.”
“Why are they afraid? People only fear when they are not aligned with themselves.
They are afraid because they have never truly believed in themselves.”
Because they have never truly believed in themselves, they hand over their destiny to others to manipulate.
Unable to control their fate, their lives are filled with too much unknown and fear.
People whose hearts are not firm enough spend their whole lives searching for themselves.
Throughout our lives, from birth to entering this world, it means that we will constantly explore.
We constantly gaze outward, with the sole purpose of exploring this world. Ultimately, all exploration leads to oneself.
And as Hermann Hesse said, the most terrifying thing in this world is precisely the path to self-discovery.
03
Sinclair and Damien gradually became acquainted with each other. Meanwhile, Kromer’s threats against Sinclair continued to escalate.
These threats often made Sinclair feel uneasy and afraid, and he tried to avoid them, but Kromer’s presence seemed to be everywhere.
One day, as usual, after being intimidated, Sinclair wanted to escape Kromer’s gaze as quickly as possible, and Damien followed him without his knowledge.
At first, Sinclair was startled, but he breathed a sigh of relief when he realized it wasn’t Kromer.
Damien sensed something was wrong with him, but due to various reasons, Sinclair couldn’t bring himself to speak up.
Just and wise Damien couldn’t bear to see his friend in such a state, so he patiently guided him, saying, “What or who makes you afraid?
But where does this fear come from?
We are not born to be afraid of others.
If you are afraid of someone, it is because you have given him power over you.
You did something wrong and let him know, so he can control you. It’s that simple, isn’t it?”
This clever guy seemed to have penetrated Sinclair’s inner world.
Or perhaps, he had silently been protecting Sinclair and already knew the whole situation, but he wanted to hear it from Sinclair’s mouth.
Under Damien’s continued questioning, Sinclair finally poured out the guarded secret in his heart like a flood.
Damien made up his mind to help this poor child. At that moment, Sinclair’s concerns were known by someone, and it was someone he trusted in his heart.
He thought of Cain, and he thought of his own experiences.
Unconsciously, tears streamed down his face, and Damien patiently comforted him, escorting him home.
After returning home, just one day apart, he suddenly felt like he had been away from home for a year.
It can be seen how he endured his days under pressure. In just one day, his heart became completely different.
He knew he had hope, and from then on, he was no longer alone.
One day, two days, three days, a whole week passed, and Kromer’s whistling no longer sounded, and there were no more troubles on the way home from school.
This made Sinclair incredulous.
Damien silently handled everything, but he seemed as if he had just helped move a stone that was blocking the road.
Released from the predicament, Sinclair’s heart was filled with mixed emotions of gratitude and fear, admiration and apprehension, joy and resistance.
He wanted to ask Damien what exactly had happened, but in the end, he couldn’t find the right opportunity to speak up.
Regardless, he seemed to accept Damien’s redemption with a sense of peace and embraced freedom in body and mind.
Afterward, perhaps justice and goodness awakened the conscience in his heart, and Sinclair confessed to his parents, releasing the pent-up worries in his heart.
He gained forgiveness from his parents and returned to the bright world, where everything returned to harmony and beauty.
And within this apparent harmony, there was also reconciliation between Sinclair and his inner self.
Although it was with Damien’s help that he managed to escape the clutches of Kromer, afterward, he was able to bravely confront his problems and confess to his parents, which was a breakthrough and growth for him.
However, this harmony is only superficial.
Sinclair’s inner turmoil did not truly settle.
He vaguely felt that he had abandoned his most loyal friend, without remorse or gratitude.
04
Looking back on his childhood, Sinclair felt that although his parents’ “bright world” had given him warmth and stability, the enlightenment of life came from another “dark world.”
Those moments of fear, restriction, and guilt contained growth opportunities.
It was the differences between these two worlds and the seemingly “destructive” forces that broke his peaceful life in the bright world.
He vaguely realized that certain changes needed to be made.
In the eyes of his parents, he could be a child who never grows up, and they could care for him deeply, even if he made mistakes, they wouldn’t necessarily blame him entirely.
But in his own life, the problems he encountered must be faced and solved by himself.
He had to rely on himself to find his path.
Hermann Hesse said, “The bird must break out of its shell. The egg is the world.
To be born, one must destroy this world.”
No matter how big the “umbrella” of parents may be, it cannot shelter a child forever.
Some paths are meant to be explored alone, and to find one’s path, one must first know oneself, consciously and willingly transform oneself, use mindfulness to guide oneself, and find a path without regrets.
We are born burdened with chains and restrictions, and if we want to reshape a “new self,” we must inevitably break some of the “old self.”
Only by seeing what binds our body and mind can we respond to the chains and restrictions correctly.
The world presents us with many diverging paths, but the only path leads deep into the soul.
The love of family, while providing warmth and security, sometimes carries heaviness.
The love of parents for their children has far-reaching consequences, but sometimes, the high expectations of parents can oppress and cause pain to their children.
The opinions and judgments of others, if not observed with clear awareness, without filtering or blindly accepting everything, can also crush us simply by being words.
Many external burdens may influence how others perceive us, but they cannot change our true selves or shake our inner convictions.
What matters is that in the face of those restrictions and chains, we must have the willingness to break free.
05
In Sinclair’s journey of growth, he was fortunate to meet Damien, and for many years afterward, Damien’s justice, kindness, and wisdom were engraved in Sinclair’s heart, quietly influencing his life.
In many moments that followed, whenever Sinclair fell into despair or encountered bottlenecks, Damien would appear in different ways, repeatedly saving his friend.
In reality, not everyone is so lucky to encounter a “Damien” when deeply trapped in difficulties.
Many times, we have to exert all our efforts to climb out of those dark times. Perhaps we can also change our perspective.
If Damien is not a tangible person, Damien may be another self-imagined by Sinclair:
giving him strength when he is weak, providing him with determination when he hesitates, giving him courage when he is torn between good and evil, and instilling him with boundless confidence when he carries heavy chains…
In this lifetime, how far do we have to go, how many setbacks do we have to experience, before learning to endure, understand forgiveness, and then have the courage to turn back and empathize with our childhood selves?
People come and go in this world, and few are without scars. Most of us mend old cracks and continue to run towards the light.
Life is not afraid of difficulties, setbacks, and shadows; it fears not having the courage to face one’s true self and not daring to make decisions for oneself.
Sometimes, we want to fulfill certain wishes but are held back by chains, or we worry separately before even setting off, or we are on the road but constantly look around.
When faced with dreams, people often lack the courage to leap but have no shortage of the ability to deceive or blind themselves.
We easily doubt ourselves, and question ourselves, yet willingly believe in more worldly voices and fate’s arrangements.
We are unwilling to take responsibility for ourselves and hand over the decision-making power of our destiny to external forces, to the fear of the unknown.
Throughout our lives, we walk on the path of self-discovery.
This path is not smooth; there may be many mists and even numerous hurdles.
Only by understanding what we truly want internally and persistently trying for it will the path become clearer and clearer.
When we genuinely possess the desire to change internally and go all out, the whole world will assist us in clearing the way.
