Heroic Push

Like everyone, I want to have better success in life. I started reading a lot of self-help books. Each time, I was reading a motivational book. I really felt motivated, prepared, and ready to take on the challenge. Did my life change drastically? You know the answer. I was the same person 🙁

I thought the problem was with me. I was the one who failed to improve. I did not realize this until I recently became friends with one of the self-help writers. He was just like me. It is understandable that the self-book reader’s life does not improve much from reading these self-help books. It was really painful to see that most self-help writers actually do not follow their own advice. If I knew this self-help book does not make any change, at least I would have spent more time on recreational books such as watching nice movies, hanging out with friends more, or at least sleeping in that time.

I am not here to debate whether the self-book industry is a scam. Maybe it is? I think it does not matter. It feels like arguing whether alcohol is good for society. Some people use alcohol to socialize, some people misuse it to harm themselves. Like the alcohol industry, self-help books have their uses and it is certainly going to prevail whether we accept it. My selfish question: Is it useful to me?

At the fundamental level, self-books are actually trying to give you the belief that you can do it and give you steps or commands to follow. Consider self-books on different topics as examples.

1. Approaching quality women (for dating)
2. Getting a better body shape
3. Having a high productive day

Reading about the topics is not the means to the end. It is not an accomplishment. Reading different books definitely gives you different ideas to explore. If you are reading only, no action is based on ideas. It is called Action Faking. Action Faking is doing something when you think you are making progress, but you are not actually making progress. Action Faking is a type of procrastination similar to binge-watching, checking Social media, etc., but the only catch here is that you delude yourself that you are making progress, which is worse than the other procrastination types.

Why are we procrastinating? Is it very hard to know what to do? Not exactly. We all know what we should do. Considering the same examples,

1. For Approaching quality women: Say hi to quality women and start the conservation and go with the flow. If one woman does not like it, there are 100 women to approach
2. For Getting a better body shape: Try intermittent fasting or a low-carbohydrate diet, avoid junk food, and add 1 hour of exercise every day
3. Have a highly productive day: Disconnect or block the distraction and prioritize the tasks and do them one by one.

Then why are we not exactly doing the required? It is our emotions, such as feeling pain or fear or just boredom, etc., that hinder us in doing what we want. Continuing on the same example.

1. Approaching an unknown woman can be intimidating
2. Having a diet meal is tasteless
3. Continuously working can make us feel tired

Does it mean that we never get what we want? Thank God, the answer is no.

We have all experienced this one in life:

1. We get some holiday to study for the exams. We never study during that time. Yet we studied aggressively last night before the exam. Why is that?
2. We always want to wake up early. Most of the time, we do not do it. Yet we have to catch a flight or train, we wake very early. Why is that?

The answer is that we will do it only when it is needed, not when we want it.

In my personal life, I started doing exercise seriously because a few potential spouses rejected me for the marriage alliance because of my overweight body. Anyway, after I got married, I find it hard to do the exercises and gained back the same weight 😿

The first step is identifying the stronger need for why you want to do it. There are a couple of ways to do it and some ways are.

1. Impact Analysis:

Imagine you’re considering going back to school for a new degree.

• Doing it: Potential consequences could include increased job opportunities, higher earning potential, and personal fulfillment from acquiring new skills.
• Not doing it: You might stay stuck in your current job with limited growth opportunities, feel unfulfilled, and potentially miss out on a higher salary.

By analyzing these consequences, you can see the potential positive impact of going back to school on your career and personal satisfaction.

2. Goal Alignment:

Let’s say you’re passionate about environmental issues and want to volunteer your time.

• Volunteering at a local animal shelter: Aligns with your goal if the shelter focuses on rescuing animals affected by pollution or habitat loss.
• Volunteering at a political campaign: Aligns if the campaign prioritizes environmental protection policies.

Analysing how volunteering aligns with your environmental goals helps you choose the activity with the most significant impact.

3. Cost-Benefit Analysis:

You’re debating whether to take a weekend trip to visit a friend in another city.

• Benefits: Spending quality time with your friend, exploring a new place, creating lasting memories (intangible).
• Costs: Travel expenses (flights, hotels), time away from work or other commitments (tangible), potential jet lag (intangible).

Researching flight costs and accommodation can help estimate the financial cost. Weighing these costs against the value of the trip (friendship, new experiences) helps you decide if it’s worthwhile.

These are just a few examples, but these frameworks can be applied to any decision, big or small. By considering the potential impacts, goal alignment, and costs and benefits, you can make informed choices that lead to positive outcomes.

Sometimes task does not feel necessary. It is not ok to stress about it. Leave the activity for now.

Despite understanding the necessity of the task, we will feel high resistance from our body and mind not to do it. The higher the importance of the task, the more resistance will be. For example, we are more nervous talking to quality women than normal ones. You are more likely to avoid preparing for an interview for a dream company than a normal company. How do we solve this? This is where the Heroic Push comes into the picture.

Heroic Push (Generated from https://playgroundai.com/)

Heroic push — Push yourself to do something even when you feel not doing it.

The Heroic Push isn’t about brute forcing yourself through every task. It’s about acknowledging the resistance and making a conscious decision to override it. This might involve:

• Identifying the Resistance: Before pushing, take a moment to understand the specific reason behind your reluctance. Is it fear of failure? Feeling overwhelmed? By pinpointing the cause, you can address it directly.
• Small Wins, Big Momentum: Don’t try to conquer Mount Everest in one step. Break down the dreaded task into smaller, more manageable chunks. Completing these mini-goals builds confidence and propels you forward.
• Rewarding Yourself: Positive reinforcement goes a long way. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small. This keeps you motivated and reinforces the positive association with pushing through resistance.
• Visualize Success: Imagine yourself completing the task and achieving the desired outcome. Visualization can trick your brain into believing you’ve already achieved success, making it seem more attainable.
• Focus on the “Why”: Remind yourself of the bigger picture. Why is this task important? What are the long-term benefits? Reconnecting with your goals reignites the fire and motivates you to push through.

The Heroic Push isn’t a one-time fix, but a practice. The more you train yourself to overcome resistance, the easier it becomes. With consistent effort, the Heroic Push can become your secret weapon for tackling any challenge and achieving your full potential.

I wish there was an easier way, but it does not. Any self-help to claim an easier way or short-cut is definitely cheating. Self-help authors can give some templates, but at the end of the day, it is the real action, not the action faking that gives the result.

Act wisely by identifying your needs and applying heroic push whenever needed.

If you find this post relatable, check out similar posts https://medium.com/@prabu_/list/understanding-the-heroes-abfe7f1a200d