How Do I Even Begin?
Should I?
How do I even start?
We've all grappled with the daunting question of where and how to begin. For some, like myself, whose self-esteem has often been a battleground, this question carries even more weight. The mere thought of stepping out of my comfort zones leads to sleepless nights filled with uncertainty. Sometimes I woke up from sleep trying to grasp who I truly was. Self-doubt will do that to you.
Throughout my life, every decision, no matter how small or significant, has been accompanied by a barrage of questions:
- How do I even begin?
- What will others think?
- What if I fail?
The fear of failure, fueled by past setbacks, often leaves us paralyzed, unable to take that crucial first step. Because we are scared of the uncertainty of success and the seemingly certainty of failure.
Last year, at the tender age of seventeen, I found myself grappling not only with the loss of my father but also with the relentless grip of self-doubt. But, I was determined to break free from this cycle so I made a conscious effort to pursue my passion for writing. Despite pouring my heart into my work on various platforms like Twitter, Uwa, and Vocal Media, I struggled to secure clients. Each near-success was overshadowed by the relentless doubts echoing in my mind. At the end of November, all I had were followers and $0.
December 1st, marked my eighteenth birthday, and I realized I could no longer allow self-doubt to dictate my path. So I did the most craziest thing ever, I applied for a gig. Not for fiction writing which was my strongest point. Nor for UX writing which I had portfolios for. Not for article writing. But for scriptwriting. YouTube scriptwriting. At that point, I just needed to do something new. It was remote and it offered a sense of security, shielding me from the fear of immediate rejection. Pushing my self doubt aside, I got the gig.
First script done, the client told me,
"Will, you are a brilliant writer."
To him, It was just a compliment, to me it was more; it was validation—a beacon of confidence amidst the sea of doubt. My confidence spiked. The next time I applied for a scriptwriting gig, I wasn't scared of being rejected. Not because I hadn't known that I was a good writer but because buoyed by this newfound assurance, I could pursue subsequent gigs with unwavering determination.
Looking back, I sometimes wonder, what if I hadn't applied for that first gig even with no experience? What if I hadn't begun?
I've come to realize that the only way to overcome the fear of starting is to take action, no matter how small or uncertain that first step may seem. By embracing vulnerability and pushing through the fear of failure, we pave the way for growth and success.
So, to anyone grappling with the familiar question of "how do I begin?" I offer this reassurance: You are more capable than you realize. You do not need to wait for outside validation to start. Like Nike says,
'Just do it!'
