How Heartbreak makes Life Worth Living
The heart does go on and on…and on.
To have loved
It’s exhilarating, really.
The burning sensation that lines your eyes as they become coated in salty tears. The uncontrollable shake that accompanies the dampness of your sweaty palms. A mind that has been set to pause indefinitely. Experiencing a temporarily distorted version of reality that couldn’t possibly be real life.
Pain is an almost enthralling experience.
There is an old saying that goes, “It is better to have loved and to have lost than to have never loved at all.”
This quote amplifies the impact that love and relationships can have on your life. They should be appreciated and cherished, even if they’re only a chapter in the book of our lives. There are people who we will come across, possibly by chance, that leave their mark on us. They play a big role in molding who we become, leaving us to become a walking mosaic of all who we have encountered.
As a cautious believer in the mantra that everything happens for a reason — and that we are always where we were meant to be at a particular time — there are certain events in life that I spend so much time thinking about.
Heartbreak & love consistently rank pretty high on that list of events.
They’re just so interesting to speculate about and discuss.
In my short time of living, I’ve realized that heartbreak is synonymous with disappointment. Though this is not meant to be received as a groundbreaking revelation, it creates the foundation for my main point.
Heartbreak is not confined to romantic relationships.
In fact, it is regularly spread throughout life and comes about in so many situations. It is the center of so many core memories for so many who have experienced the gut-wrenching phenomenon.
However, romantic love is often the most depicted form of heartbreak. The story of love as we know it has been a major factor in much of history. Some of the greatest pieces of literature written to the grandest monuments ever built have been inspired by love.
But the story of love is not often told without the lingering possibility of heartbreak.
Love is fairly hard to define, but is usually described using a few common traits to give it a bound to live within.
Affection. Loyalty. Companionship.
Heartbreak is arguably just as difficult to define, and its descriptors are usually antonyms to what love means.
Disdain. Betrayal. Loneliness.
In a broad context, heartbreak is defined as a metaphor for the intense emotional distress a person experiences due to an intense desire according to Wikipedia.
This definition does the experience much just because it can’t be reduced to layman’s terms very easily.
It’s the realization that our heart’s desires won’t be realized and we have to let go of what once was. It is the consequence of one of life’s natural wonders. As high as love may take you, is equally as low as heartbreak can sink you.
The first time I was truly heartbroken, I was twelve. It was two weeks before my thirteen birthday, and I’d lost someone close to me.
The security blanket that adolescence had shielded me with was ripped away in a second. To this day, birthdays don’t feel the same.
It always feels like I’m one candle short of a fulfilling birthday.
I can not say that I’ve fully come to terms with writing about this experience yet, much less sharing it with the world. Nonetheless, I’ve begun the healing process and have sought out help.
Having a strong support system and maintaining a positive outlook has helped considerably. Though it has not been easy and life won’t ever be the same.
But in years since this tragedy, I’ve learned a few things and come to terms with my reality.
To have lost
Pain has a very unique way of reminding us that we’re alive. There is a resounding ache we feel in our chests when the symbolic stake of betrayal has been driven through us. Whether we feel like we’ve been betrayed by friends, family, acquaintances, a partner, or even the world.
The unforeseen has occurred and there is no telling when we’ll be going back to a state of normalcy. If we’re ever normal again. We’re forced to grapple with the fact that our sense of reality can be distorted at any time.
Life is largely out of our control.
The illusion of security and control gives us peace as long as we don’t mull over how fragile our comfort truly is.
We begin to ask questions that no one has the answer to: “How could this happen? Why now? Why to me?”
Some will say it was bad luck. Some will chalk it up to being karma for past wrongdoings. Many will say the universe has mysterious ways of working. Others will say it was the decision of their creator.
How we cope when we find ourselves in unideal situations can determine the way we move forward in life. The angle from which people choose to look at their situation has a grave impact on how they heal.
This isn’t to undermine the psychological effects and damage that traumatic events have on our mental health. Enduring trauma requires support and consistent work in order to make strides upward. It requires more to get back on track than simply being ‘positive’ about your situation.
Truthfully, there is no linear fashion to healing. At times, we become triggered and break down about things we thought we had gotten over. We’re pushed back to square one and it’s easy to question if we’ll ever move on from here.
But, I find that time handles much of our pain for us. It carries us through the cycle of happiness, realization, heartbreak, grief, healing, and moving forward. It’s hard to believe that it getting better and it is hard to notice as well. Little by little, you become increasingly capable of moving through your day-to-day life without feeling like you have an anchor attached to you. You don’t wake up and immediately think of your troubles.
Life becomes a bit more bearable even though it’s a lot easier to notice the presence of pain than the absence of it.
To have never loved at all
Today, I consider heartbreak in an alternative light.
I think about how life was prior to experiencing tragedy. I consider how I had a light in my eyes that started in my heart. How my smile genuinely raised from ear to ear. Why did I so fearlessly and carelessly approach life?
It was because I had something to look forward to.
There was a driving force behind me.
After all, I can only be grateful to have experienced something worth crying over.
