How I Became More Confident Without Social Challenges
And How You Can Be Too
When I first got into university I was extremely shy, a lot of people can probably relate to that, especially since nowadays there are more introverts on this planet than ever before.
I’m not even an introvert, I am actually an ambivert, which is somewhere between extraversion and introversion.
One day I reached my breaking point, I got sick of the countless opportunities that I had wasted due to my shyness, both on the personal and professional level.
I wanted to stop getting red and speaking at a faster pace because I just want people to stop looking at me. However, I realized there were two possible methods to achieve this.
I will explain both methods, as well as show you how to become confident by following the more efficient approach.
The first way to become confident is by forcing myself to be in social situations WITH the spotlight being focused on you, think “social challenges”.
For example, you go to a clothes store and ask for their most expensive trench coat, after you stare at it closely then say that “it’s not expensive enough” or something — cringy I know.
I never liked this way, not only because it’s absolutely ridiculous since all — or at least most — people don’t normally behave like that, but also because you would never need to be in that kind of unnecessarily cringy situations in your life.
But the primary reason I didn’t like it was because it’s temporary (rented) confidence, you’re confident as long as you keep doing these challenges.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be in my 80s and have to lie down on the supermarket floor for ten seconds every now and then (another common social challenge) or else I become extremely socially awkward.
Which takes us to the second method — The one I actually used. Which can be achieved through changing how you see both yourself and the world around you, sounds woo-woo but bare with me.
Shyness, at least in my case, was because my (false) perception that everyone was a scary monster, constantly looking at and judging me and I can’t do anything about it, I had to change this belief.
Belief can’t just be generated on the spot, if you can wish you believed something about yourself or the world and instantly believe it, you might want to see a doctor.
If you want to genuinely see people for what they are (instead of monsters) you need proof that they are just that — people.
What I did was pay more attention to the specific type of people I thought were more scary than the rest, for me that was “mean” people, probably because of all the bullying I had as a kid/teen due to my family’s nomadic lifestyle.
What I did then was try to be more around that kind of people, not IN the spotlight, just in the same room and sometimes conversations.
That got me used to being around them and erased most of the stereotypes I had about them, I am no longer a child so it was easier for me to see them as people instead of Boogeymen.
Once that was out of the way, which took a couple of months to accomplish, I tried to take the spotlight around these people about 20% of the time, I felt that was a comfortable percentage for me but you can use what works for you.
At the same time, I tried to change the beliefs I held inwardly, I worked on showing myself that I am no less than these other people.
I did that by achieving little goals in the fields that I deem as “worthy”, for me that was reading, learning, and taking more care of my physical appearance.
After doing that, all I had to do was sit back and watch my efforts compile, soon enough I began to see myself as more of an equal to these people I previously dreaded.
Over the months, I was able to be open around “mean” people and by extension everyone else.
I became more or less my normal self around them — instead of mini version of myself that is more like a vampire, with it’s sole wish being to escape the spotlight.
Final Thoughts
In the end, you CAN choose the first method to attain confidence but you would have to quickly switch to the second one to be able to maintain it for, more or less, forever.
To anyone struggling with shyness, just keep pushing, persistent action will get you there.
“Eighty percent of success is showing up”
— Woody Allen
