How I Discovered Significance in the Day I Was Born
I’ve always had an estranged relationship with my birthday, until a tumultuous year changed everything.
As a child, I grew up with five siblings, so my birthday was the only day that was actually about me — I got something new, I got to choose what to do all day, and I got to choose what we had for dinner.
As I entered my adolescence, birthdays started to become embarrassing. I hated having my birthday on my MySpace page, and later on my Facebook page — that statement dates me, I know. I hated having attention on me, and my birthday became like the plague.
As I entered my early twenties, my birthday became a day of reflection, learning, and appreciation for reaching another year on this planet.
As I was slowly broken into adulthood and the magic of childhood faded away, gratitude for making it through all life’s many obstacles started to take its place.
As I ease into my thirties, fully immersed in the thicket of adulthood, birthdays have taken on yet another meaning.
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31 was a tumultuous year for me.
It was the year we supported my mom, seemingly the most healthy, energetic, positive person in my life, through unexpected cancer treatment and an emergency surgery.
It was the year my 90-year-old grandmother, the matriarch of my family, decided to leave her abusive husband to come live with her family — where she belonged, only to pass away three months later.
It was the year that I realized I was forcing myself down the wrong path professionally, and I learned that taking the risk of disappointing others is the only way that you can stay true to yourself.
It was the year where failure and progress became inextricably intertwined and success was not attainable without first admitting defeat.
It was a year where growth was inevitable, whether I dug my claws in in an attempt to stay behind or fully delivered myself to the will of the future.
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As I woke up on my 32nd birthday and felt the sun on my face, my birthday took on a new meaning.
In the past year I had become completely lost as I grew into a future version of myself and a stranger to my old life.
But, on this day, my birthday, there was something familiar — the warmth of the sun’s rays. And, in fact, they should feel familiar, as they were shining down in the exact same way, from the exact same position, as on the day I was born.
This was the same warmth I felt as I entered the world, when every touch, every breath, every experience was new.
This was the same warmth I felt as I was cradled in my mother’s arms for the first time.
This was the same warmth I felt as I heard my siblings’ voices for the first time.
This was the same warmth I felt as I opened my eyes for the first time on this planet — taking it all in.
This warmth was comforting, embracing, and familiar.
In the tumultuous year of 31, I had lost my home completely, for even places which had once been home to me had morphed into unrecognizable versions of themselves.
I was longing for the warmth of home, and as I awakened, newly 32, with the planets aligned exactly the way they were when I came into this world, I felt at home. On this day, on my birthday, I was home.
On this day, I could touch base with myself. I could take in all the comfort of being home.
Most importantly, I could allow myself to open my eyes for the first time anew. A rebirth. A start to a new journey — one that will once again take me away from home.
A journey full of firsts.
Full of failures.
Full of challenges and defeats.
Full of delivering myself to the unknown and receiving what is to come.
Full of respecting my intuition which creates me into what I need to be, not what society tells me I must be, or do, or become.
Full of living this experience of life, with each day bringing me a new slate to write my story on.
And always, full of looking forward to the day I get to come home — every year, to this much longed for, familiar place.
Finally, after 32 years, I recognize the importance of the day I was born, and I hope that on your birthday, you feel the same warmth on your face, wonder in your heart, and comfort in your soul as on the day you were born.
You are home. ☀️
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Sophie organizes her thoughts on paper from her where she currently is on planet Earth, Brazil. If you wish to contribute and/or show appreciation, please clap and/or comment. Thank you for reading. 🖤
