How to Be a Menace to Society
I can’t believe the situations I get myself into, but it’s ok, I have a system
I’m a parent. I’m a menace to society. But I repeat myself.
Let me start in the middle. Racing through one red light, a slow left turn at another red light, then 140 km/h for 20 minutes on the highway, way above the speed limit. Relax, it’s 7:30 on Sunday morning, the roads are empty. That’s what I tell myself to make it ok.
I’m on a mission. My 12 year old son forgot a critical piece of hockey equipment. He can’t go on the ice if he doesn’t have it. How did he manage to forget his jockstrap? He’s a goalie, is this not the most important piece of equipment to protect his most important piece of equipment? Maybe he just doesn’t realize it yet. No, he’s hit puberty, it’s probably the only thing on his mind. And yet. There it isn’t.
Can’t buy a new one, stores aren’t open. I called the nanny to grab his forgotten innerwear from where she had carefully placed it outside his room so he would trip over it when he woke up. Didn’t work.
She and I both race to a midpoint between home and the hockey rink, she hands me the inners through her window and I speed back to the rink. I hit every green light, it’s an early Christmas miracle.
