How to be in the NOW with the past — Part II
When the past visits the present, it sometimes comes with pleasant memories, called NOSTALGIA. As quickly as the mind wants unpleasant memories to leave it, so does it hold on dearly to the pleasant ones.
What is NOSTALGIA and how does it relate to NOW?
Nostalgia is a clinging to or craving for the past. And when it shows up, IT VERY CLEARLY TELLS US that we are UNABLE to ACCEPT the NOW. Our circumstances/situations have changed — which is NOW, and we are unable or ill-equipped to ACCEPT THIS CHANGE.
Why does Nostalgia exist? Nostalgia is a cliniging to the feeling in the past — feeling accepted, feeling familiar. The ego loves to feel accepted and included, and hence the CRAVING for the past.
Examples:
- Immigrants:
The most prominent examples are people who have moved from their city or country of origin. They always reminisce their pasts and hold themselves back from belonging to the new place.
An example of this stands out in a Hindi-language movie, DDLJ, where this character, Baldev Singh a resident of London, England for over 20 years, says in the opening scene that even the pigeons of London are strangers to him. A lot of Indians apparently connected to this feeling of being l’étranger — the outsider, and a yearning for their land of origin, which is why the film has a huge following outside India as well.
How is it that after 20 years, the character does not belong to his present? Because he never addressed it as a problem within him.
So here’s a character or a group of people who refuse to connect with the present, what is called as stuck in a time-warp. They are in the present only to do things in the present with a longing for their familiar pasts.
2. Non-immigrants
This nostalgia is also a strong emotion for long-term inhabitants of a place. People who have been in Toronto for over 20–30 years long for a less busy city, and better real estate prices. The term, “bloody immigrants”, stems right out of this feeling, because the mind wants to create what was, therefore I hate what is. This is true even for people migrating within a country. Bombay/Mumbai is a classic example of how the original inhabitants “the Maharashtrians” wanted people from the South, and later from the North of India, to leave the city.
There is a perception that if I kept the past in tact, I would have more opportunities for work and better standards of living. The question is — CAN THE PAST EVER STAY IN TACT? So now we are creating more conflict within the self, because we are unable to ACCEPT the present for what it is.
What are the prominent ways in which Nostalgia comes visting?
- Reminiscing about geography (place)
- Reminiscing about friends/relatives (people)
- Reminiscing about opportunities (jobs, education etc.)
- Reminiscing about food
(There could be more, and please feel free to list them.)
The technique for engaging with nostalgia is a bit different from engaging with the past that causes AVERSION.
This craving for the past comes into being because when the CHANGE occurs, we may not know who we are. Some parts of our lives, we may not have even paid attention to, and hence when CHANGE HITS us, it hits us hard.
What do I mean by that:
a. Do I know how long it will take me to adjust (be at ease) to a new weather?
b. Do I know how long it will take me to figure out food in a new place?
c. Do I know how long I can be without company?
d. Do I know what it takes to be in a dwelling — identify one, pay rent, pay for electricity, water and so on?
So change is necessary for knowing THE SELF. Most of us are never prepared for it, because the world around us — education, people we call family or friends, the entire ethos does not PRESENT CHANGE AS A MEANS TO KNOW THE SELF. They focus on the FEAR OF CHANGE — and fear never helps one ACCEPT anything.
Fear again, is the ego fearing destruction. If this change occurs, will I remain? The truth is, we will remain, because nothing and nobody dies — only bodies change. (Upanishads)
Change is inevitable, whether you cause it or it just happens. Since that is the CONSTANT, let’s learn how to engage with it.
- Recognize the craving
When a pleasant memory from the past comes visiting, it is important to CALL IT OUT as NOSTALGIA. I have to clearly say that I am LONGING for the past because it made me feel — SECURE/SATISFIED/ACCEPTED and so on.
Once that longing and its associated feeling have been called out,
2. Pinpoint clearly in the present, the cause for clinging to nostalgia
It could be, do not have any friends to connect with, or I am not finding work as easily here as I used to, or I had house-help taking care of most work at home, or it could be I miss “X” food etc.
3. Engage with the “lack” in the present
For all the clingings listed in 2, the answer is — the place has changed, so making a life is a function of time. All the clingings listed in 2, did not happen in a day or a week or a month, in the place of origin, it took years.
How all of it manifests, is never in our hands, but the mind may not rest with that answer, hence it might help to do the following:
a. I do not have any friends because I am in a new place, and friendship is a FUNCTION OF TIME. Once I clearly state that to myself, the clinging to the past disappears. It might take a few repetitions, each time that clinging shows up.
b. The second, work — again is a function of time, and of knowing the place and people.
c. The third — I re-focus on the advantages of doing house-work by myself. There is no need for monitoring. There is a lot of freedom in doing things on our own. Once we recognize that, the clinging falls off.
d. For food cravings —Food cravings are a way for the body-mind to reveal its dissatisfaction with the present. In the book by Yogananda, there is a section he mentions about his craving for masala dosas. And then his guru tells him to eat his fill till the craving subsides, and he does so. The craving does subside.
But another way is, to re-focus on the food you “don’t mind” in the present. Enable the mind to focus on exploration of what suits the palette for now. Eventually, it will be found.
4. Drop the comparison with the past
Re-focus the energies in observing the present. Each time a past clinging shows up, acknowledge that the past has shown up and DROP IT before you start comparing it to the present.
If you start comparing — then MAKE IT A POINT to compare everything in the present with the past, compare what is working in the present as well with the past. eg. Clean air, parks to walk in, ease of setting up a business etc.
WHEREVER YOU ARE, BE ALL THERE (Jim Elliot’s summary of the Vedantic principle) — This is the only way to KNOW the self.
But being all there is a journey between the past and the now, it is also a journey in compassion for the self, and mainly a journey in getting to know one’s self.
How to be in the NOW with desire (future)? — coming soon!
