How To Become The Person You’ve Always Wanted To Be
You can change. Anyone can.
2 years ago, I struggled with my mental health.
Anxiety. Panic attacks. Crying for no reason.
I can still picture that night, sitting there in the corner of my room at 4 in the morning, balling my eyes out.
All the negative thoughts were screaming in my head. I was so tired. But I couldn’t sleep. I tried everything to escape from my own thoughts.
Youtube. Netflix. Porn. Instagram. Reddit.
I was not able to be alone with myself.
“Oh no, I got class in three hours. How am I gonna survive this?”
I felt bad just thinking about how bad I’d feel in class.
Back then, I thought that I was depressed. So I saw everything through the lens of a depressed person.
Simple tasks became arduous. Hope became sacred. Most days, I was hoping I could just sleep forever — and never wake up.
The thing is…
I was not depressed.
I adapted that mindset — to escape from my fear of failure.
I didn’t have the strength to face my fear.
I feared that I would waste my potential.
I feared that I would embarrass myself.
I feared that I would fail, and everyone would laugh at me.
I feared that I would stutter in my interviews just because I used to stutter when I was 8 years old.
So I went and built this whole new identity — to feel sorry for myself.
I was too caught up in my own head — caring too much about what the world thinks about me.
My monkey brain insists that staying in my comfort zone is easier and safer. Going out in the unknown and facing uncertainty is too risky and dangerous.
The reward was captivating, yet my mind only focused on the dark side.
The moment depression became a part of my identity. I started to act like a depressed person.
My actions reinforced the character that I was playing. I kept digging myself deeper into this hole.
You see,
Our minds could be our worst nemesis at times.
They are designed to focus on the negative aspect of everything — chaining you down, holding you back from the life you want life.
Everything in this world is a mix of your perceptions and how things truly are.
If I ask 5 people to picture a pen,
They will all come up with different images in their head.
Some will think of a red pen, and some will see a blue one. Some will think of a wooden pen while some will think of a feather pen from the 1800s.
At the core, all of these are pens, they have the same function — to write. But when they go through the lens of different people’s perceptions, they’ll have different colors, shapes, styles, types, and brands.
How is it that we’re all human — made up of flesh and bone — but see things so differently?
The answer. Well, it’s complicated.
It lies in everything we have encountered in the past.
Our environment. Our Experience.
What we consumed. Who we interacted with.
How were we raised by their parents? Do we have parents?
Your identity is shaped by millions and millions of experiences in your life.
“When your brain is concerned with the present, it’s not the present that it sees. Our brain looks at things through the eyes of the past.
Or it reduces the present to a means to an end that lies in the mind-projected future.” — Eckhart Tolle.
Your identity dictates your action. Your actions consolidated your identity
Let’s say you identify as a confident person.
Because you’re a confident person, you put yourself out there. You take more leadership roles. You join networking events. You rock the mic in front of crowds.
The more practice you have, the more confident you become.
But if you label yourself as the guy who sucks at Calculus.
You ain’t gonna practice exercises. You won’t ask for help because you’re too scared of judgment. Because of that, you make no progress, you still can’t do simple integrals. Your belief gets more and more real over time.
The truth you tell yourself is the reality that you project onto the universe.
To succeed, you must condition yourself for success.
It will be painful. It will be difficult. It will seem to be impossible at times. It takes a lot of time, intention, and determination.
But, you can change. Anyone can.
Identity Shift Formula — How to take back control of your life.
Your identity is conditioned by your surroundings — there’s no way around it. Everything you consume becomes a part of your subconsciousness, which molds your identity.
The only way to change your beliefs is to:
- Sketch out what you want.
- Back it up with action.
- And tailor your environment.
Here’s the playbook:
Step 1: Map out your vision
You need a game plan and a finish line. You need to know your destination before you start moving. Otherwise, you might be walking backward without knowing about it.
Vision sets the stage for complete alignment of your daily choices.
To start constructing your desired identity, ask yourself these questions. Be as specific as possible. Dig into your past experience. Pay attention to the feelings associated with those experiences.
- If you have all the money in the world, what would your average day be like?
- How do you want to feel at any moment? Peace? Happy? Motivated? Relaxed?
- Where do you want to live? What would your environment be?
- What are your favorite content creators? Which part of their personality do you want to have?
- Describes your philosophy about health, wealth, and relationships in one sentence.
Step 2: Align your Environment
Now that you are aware of what you want to do, who you want to become, and what values you want to have. It’s time to actualize your vision.
Remember what I said earlier? Exactly.
Your identity is shaped by your surroundings. It’s crucial to control what and who you consume. Be conscious.
Are you consuming content that is aligned with your values?
Are you watching videos of people you want to be like?
Are you living the life you want to live?
Build a network of people, books, videos, and social accounts that you connect with. Immerse yourself in that network.
Here’s the hard part.
When you have created that network, cut the rest out. Use an extension to delete your Youtube recommendations tab, mute your Instagram feed, and delete Tiktok.
Your brain would convince you that this is too extreme. There’ll be some bad habits that you know are not good for you — but you keep finding excuses to keep them.
Is it Netflix? Is it video games?
Whatever’s not syncing with your vision is only holding you back.
That’s the trade you have to consider.
Step 3: Start walking
This is the most important step — and also where most people fail. I’m talking about taking small, easy, daily actions.
You can read a thousand books about working out, but you won’t get ripped sitting on your couch.
Start to create and build the life you want to have. RIGHT NOW.
Most people won’t succeed until the 20th iteration, so you need to get your first one out as fast as possible. You don’t need to choose the best path to your goal. As long as you’re not standing still or walking backward, you’re making progress.
Step 4: Refine along the way
You will make mistakes. There will be days when the progress you make is slower.
It sucks. But it’s necessary.
Every setback is a reality check — it’s telling you something’s not working
Maybe you don’t like building a personal brand like you thought you would.
Maybe you could change the structure of this tweet to make it sound better.
Maybe waking up at 5 AM makes you more tired throughout the day.
Maybe working out 3 times a day is better for your energy level.
You wouldn’t know if you don’t take action and reflect.
Don’t just go. Look at the map once in a while. See if you’re on the right track. Cut the clutter as soon as you can, so that you can have time for what matters.
Don’t worry about changing your vision once in a while. It’s okay if your destination on day 100 is completely different from day 1.
It means that you’re growing.
It means that you are trimming the fat.
It means that you’re more aware of what your highest level of self looks like.
That’s it for today.
Thank you for reading,
Tristian.
