How to Help Someone Make a Change
Why Motivational Interviewing works- and contradicts what most of us believe about changing someone’s mind
One of the most powerful lessons I ever learned about behavior change came from watching one of my brother’s friends narrowly avoid a disastrous marriage.
John* is one of my brother’s most grounded and logical friends. Extremely careful with his finances and planning, he surprised his friends a few years ago by dating a woman with whom he constantly fought and walked on eggshells.
When they got engaged, his friends protested. They told him everything they didn’t like about his fiancee, the effect she had on him, and the giant mistake he was making. The more adamant they got, the more John dug in his heels and marched towards the altar.
Suddenly, a couple weeks before the wedding, he called everything off.
John later shared that the decision was triggered by a casual remark a friend said to him as they hung out one evening:
“You know, I’ve always admired how thoughtful you are with your money and career. Do you feel like you’re applying that same thoughtfulness to your personal relationships?”
His friend left after that but the question hung in his mind. Shortly after, he made a new decision.
