Living With The Ever Present Past
They say, whoever they are, it is not good to dwell too much on the past. And whilst that is true, at times it is easier said than done. For some it is a case of having to live with the consequences of the past on a daily basis, which makes it very difficult, impossible even, to not think about it. In cases like these it is a matter of trying to manage the fall out consequences without it ruling and ruining your present life.
Many years ago, like everybody else, I got married with a heart full of love and good intentions. Sadly I discovered to my extreme cost, in terms of health, personal relations and finance, that the road to hell is indeed paved with good intentions. And, unfortunately, I now have to live with the problems arising from my misplaced faith, trust and hope in people who these days much rather would I spit in the eye, should I ever chance upon them ever again.
Not to put too fine a point on it, I have lost all contact with four children I once would have died for due to lies and what is called parental alienation. To make matters worse, fifteen years of legal and personal persecution by my ex cost me the best part of a quarter of a million euros in money, the loss of assets and earnings and an amount of debt I will never ever be able to resolve without a significant win on the lottery. Even worse still, that persecution has cost me my health.
I can never again own my own house or car, never be able to speak with my offspring, never again go surfing and sailing. These days I walk with the aid of a myriad of medications and a walking stick. And I attribute my ongoing health problems, a heart attack and mini stroke, along with everything else, directly to my insane ex.
Over fifteen years she denounced me to the authorities with nothing but malicious lies, pathetically petty grievances and demands for money which she had already stolen from me. In all there were something in the region of maybe thirty trials. If a woman complains the law will prosecute, even when they know or suspect that the denouncer is lying. I am happy to report that I was found innocent of all that I was accused of, after every single trial I walked away from court a free man.
To give you some idea of the sort of nonsense I had to put up, with think on this. One weekend my young son came to stay with me and whilst eating some of my delicious home made pizza, got some tomato puree stains on his white T shirt. Of course, I did my parental duty by putting the item in the wash. Can you believe that this landed me in court?
On the Sunday I took one of my son back to his mother's house where she counted all of the clothing she had sent with him in a back pack. One item was missing, the tomato stained T shirt which was in the washing machine back at my rented apartment. She demanded that I go back home to bring the T shirt, a five mile round trip, or she would report me to the police for stealing clothes! Of course I refused to do the trip not only because it was nothing more than bullying nonsense, but also I had to go to work. Two days later I received a summons to court for the theft of clothing.
Ok, so there was a trial with a judge, prosecutor, legal secretary, admin assistant, solicitor and court usher. I was ordered to stand and explain why I had stolen clothes (yes, plural). I explained what had really happened to the judge and asked would she like to know what brand of washing detergent I had used to wash the T shirt. The judge demanded my ex to stand and asked if what I had said was true to which she tearfully replied "Yes." The judge raised her eyes to the ceiling and immediately dismissed the case. Now times that ridiculous scenario by however many times you feel like, there were many.
There was yet another case where I was accused of having called my ex wife stupid some eighteen months prior. Now this was farcical. She tried to interrupt me several times and was told to be quiet by the judge, a judge who was on her side due to her being a woman in tears. In the end he called her stupid and told her to be quiet or leave. At that point she simply stood up and called the Judge stupid (oh what irony) before striding out, slamming the door in anger behind her. I could go on, but I think you get the picture.
Of course, the courts knew what she was like, but they were duty bound by the politicians to mount a trial, every single bloody time. One judge told me in private "Don't worry Liam, we know what she's like, you're a decent man but our hands are tied. Besides, you know you'll be found innocent anyway." That was small comfort knowing only too well the effect all of this was having on my health and finances.
The losses incurred included two houses, two cars, two businesses, all manner of personal belongings either stolen or maliciously destroyed. At one point the stress and depression I was under was so strong I seriously considered taking my own life. Those were very dark days indeed. But somehow I pulled through it all and lived to tell the tale.
The end of this sordid little story is that six years ago, with the help of a bent solicitor who just wanted to get inside her pants, my ex illegally removed my young son (they call it kidnapping) to live in some other country and I have never heard from either him nor her since. However, my own personal journey through life goes on, as best as I can, apart from serious health and financial problems.
I live mostly off my wife and a very small state pension. I would love to one day repay her for all that she has done, but at sixty seven years old my empire building days are long gone. There is so much I would love to do for her that finances do not permit. But still, we are blissfully happy as we are and that means a lot to both of us.
We live very far from the scene of the crime, in perfect peace and harmony, and with far more joy that I ever thought I could rediscover. As I said above, I cannot ever fully escape the ever present past. The best I can do is try not to think about it too much, try to ignore the constant reminders, try not to be a hostage to it, try not to let it ruin my very blessed present and ever hopeful future.
I have long since realised that you can never, ever get away from a troublesome past. The best you can do is try to manage the part it plays in whatever life you have got left, because if you let it destroy you, then your enemies from the past have well and truly won. Every day I am still here, every day I get better, every day I am a winner. And maybe one day I will get back on the crest of a wave surfing. I live in hope.