How To Scratch Your Butt (Full Tutorial)

A tongue-in-cheek article about a serious subject

Image by Author via Canva

Have you ever experienced an itchy bottom and didn’t know what to do about it? I know, me too.

It’s frustrating, to say the least.

One option is to simply live with the growing unease in your nether region. But, honestly, who wants to do that? Not this guy.

So, I scoured the history books, watched the entire ancient alien series, deciphered a few Aztec hieroglyphics, channeled the undead spirit of a snail named Gary, and finally, amazingly, discovered the antidote.

Here’s how to scratch your butt— the ultimate, step-by-step guide for complete beginners.

“Scratching your butt is one of the most satisfying experiences known to man.” — Every Dog

Sidenote: You might be wondering why I’m writing an article about how to scratch your rear. It started as a joke between my girlfriend and me. She challenged me to see if I could actually make an article out of the topic, and since I’m totally not 100% a competitive person, I accepted her challenge. You’re welcome.

Step 1: GPS that Itch