HOW TO STOP FEELING EMBARRASSED ABOUT THE PAST
STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP FOR PAST
Every one of us has some awkward or embarrassing memories that are a part of past actually but still bother us whenever pop up in mind.
We all have experienced that whenever our mind remind us of any embarrassing thing we did in past or a cringe memory/moment, we just get mad about it and say dammit why did it happen? or why did I do this? and we wish to get back that time to transform it.
Why do people still care about their 15 years old past behavior ? Why do they can’t get over their cringe memories and still feel embarrassed about them? Why can’t they forget their embarrassing memories or stop getting haunted by them?
The fact is, we can’t remove a memory from our senses whether it is good or bad, but there are certain things we can do to be at ease with them or not get bothered by them anymore.
Mellissa Dahl while doing research for her book “Cringeworthy”, found out 3 things to tell or ask yourself to stop feeling embarrassed about any awkward past experience.
- Something that happened to you, already have happened to someone else, so just think of them and try to feel relaxed that you are not alone.
- If your friend tell you about his/her embarrassing moment, you would first laugh at it and then probably try to convince your friend that nobody might noticed it or it’s fine it happens to everyone or things like that, just to stop your friend from feeling embarrassed or guilty about it. So why being hard with yourself? Give the same pieces of advice to you, as you give to your friend.
- Last thing that Dahl pointed out that, try thinking of your embarrassing memory from someone else’s point of view. If you did something awkward and someone laughed at you then instead of feeling embarrassed about it and beating yourself up, say that you did a funny thing and it made people laugh, which is a good thing.
Above techniques may not work if your memory is painful as well and somehow defines you, as we know that self-defining memories are more sticky to mind. Here are such things you must have to do to be at ease with any kind of memory or experience.
YOU ARE HUMAN:
First know that you are human, and no human is perfect. Mistakes are done by everyone, they are inevitable and make you learn from them. If no one did mistakes, no one would have ever grown.
FORGIVE YOURSELF:
Embarrassment comes when you think of yourself from someone else’s point of view. If something you did accidently or unintentionally, made you bad or shameful in someone’s eyes, then it’s completely not your fault, and so there is no point of haunting yourself for it or feel embarrassed about it. Just Forgive Yourself!
And whenever any such memory pop up in your head again, just remind yourself that you have been forgiven for it, so it doesn’t make any sense now.
SELF COMPASSION:
It is the same as forgiving yourself or being kind to yourself. Practicing self compassion will make you believe that you deserve well being. Researches show that it is the most powerful way of improving your mental and physical health as well.
Self compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others. — Christopher Germer
LAUGH AT YOURSELF:
Laughing at your experiences or bad memories is a very good mechanism of dealing with any kind of embarrassment or over whelming experience. A study done in 2016 shows that humor and joking helps coping with embarrassing and frightening situations and make them less threatening. Humor can be used anywhere, it turns the bad situation or even bad memory into a good one.
Let me tell you my story. In the first week of my college, after giving a small presentation in class, while I was coming back to my chair, I fell down very bad from stage stair and the whole class laughed out loud. My fellows and teacher helped me get up and all . This was actually a really embarrassing moment for me at that time, but now whenever I remember it, I laugh by myself, at myself! It doesn’t bother me anymore that the whole class laughed or made fun of me. I just enjoy that moment now. And again, if you make someone laugh, then it’s definitely a good thing no matter even if they laughed at you!
It’s all in your hands, that how you react to your memories and experiences, you have a choice whether to accept them, forgive yourself for them and move on, or just keep making yourself feel ashamed about them. Choice is yours, so choose good for you!
Hope, the above things will be useful in coping with your memories or embarrassing events, and will teach you self acceptance.
If anyone of the above techniques helped you, it would really make me very happy!
