How To Stop Judging People So Easily
You need the whole picture
Oftentimes when we see a person we just see a fragment of who they are. Only the tip of the iceberg. There is so much context and background for a person to get to where they are. We are wired to judge easily, to jump to conclusions. It is what helped us survive across centuries. The problem is that the same mechanisms that helped us survive, now make us cast terrible judgments on people that don’t deserve them.
People are not always what they seem to be
I have a good intuition on people, and usually, I rely on it to know whether I would get along with someone or not. Back in college, there was this guy that seemed to be very cooky. He was confident while giving answers in the classes we’ve had together and he usually took the role of a leader when we worked on group projects. He also took initiative on various matters related to college whenever he had the opportunity.
I instantly started to dislike him, for no concrete reason. I thought that he might be a shallow person, that had to always prove himself to others.
I wanted to show myself that I was judged him correctly by trying to know him better. I introduced myself and we started talking. I realized that I was so wrong while judging him.
People are more complex than we think, he was confident but he was also very humble. I immediately regretted that I judged him so harshly. He became one of my best friends from college.
My conclusion after that situation is that to stop your instinct of judging others, you should postpone having an opinion about someone until you have real information about that person.
A person’s past matters
I was watching Euphoria, a TV show that illustrates the importance of someone's past. It revolves around a teenager that has substance abuse issues. The show has a unique way of starting each episode. There are various characters, which are the friends and persons that the main character (Rue) knows. In the first season, almost every episode starts by giving background for one of the characters. It lets you take a look at the way that person grew up and how could it have gotten to where it is.
This struck a chord in me because we usually forget to consider that a lot of people that are in a terrible situation had some contextual factors that led them there.
For example, one of Rue’s friends Cassie had her parents divorced at a young age and has seen her father abusing drugs. On one of the rare days that he visited Cassie and her sister, he simply wanted to steal objects from the house to buy more drugs.
In the present times, we are shown that Cassie has attachment issues, and can’t seem to stay away from a relationship. She seems to be scared of being left alone, again.
People are not what they seem to be, and it might be that their alcoholism, drug abuse, or violence has roots in a trauma that they didn’t choose to have.
That wouldn’t excuse bad behaviors, but it should at least make you have some empathy for their situation. You could have had their back luck, and maybe ended up in a similar position.
Along with postponing forming an opinion about a person, I think we should also consider the context that person developed in because it significantly impacts the way they are now.
This is very useful because it helps you see how much of a person’s own will dictate where they are. Some people simply tried to survive and got to the way they are, others made conscious decisions and don’t regret any of them.
In conclusion, postponing forming an opinion and considering the context surrounding a person could help you override the instinct we all have, making quick and sometimes harsh judgments.
