How to Survive a Heat Wave in Southwest Florida

If your HVAC died two days before it hit and the AC guys can’t install a new one for a week.

Stay inside.

Keep the shades drawn.

Run all the fans at top speed. Now you know why the previous owners installed all those fans.

Keep windows and doors closed.

Bring the balcony plants indoors. They’ll stand a few days without sun.

Do not use the oven.

Do not wear a bra. Instead, wear blouses or tops with strategic pockets.

Use the dryer judiciously, on low, and for as little time as possible

Forget line drying; everything will mildew, and then you’ll just have to wash them again, this time with a soupçon of bleach.

Getting an early morning walk will just make you realize how hot it is inside your condo. It’s almost not worth it. But walk anyway.

Tuna salad.

Cereal. But you’ll run out of milk, and have to drive to the store, which is air-conditioned to near-arctic temperatures, which will make your condo seem all the hotter when you get back home.

While you’re at the store, see if they have those bags of peeled hard-boiled eggs. For breakfast. Plus they’d be good in tuna salad.

Catch up on all the emails you’ve been needing to send.

Remind yourself to stand up and walk around the condo every half-hour or so.

Don’t drink too much alcohol. You’ll just have to go back to the store.