How To Transform Self-Doubt Into Self-Belief
And finally move forward in life
Have you ever given up on a goal before you’ve even started? Or talked yourself out of going for something you want in life? Always second-guessing yourself. Convinced any move you make will spell disaster.
You’re not alone.
Self-doubt has you believing you are not enough. That you’ll never reach your goals and wake up with a smile on your face, happy to be alive. It contributes to people choosing misery over joy. And emptiness over fulfillment.
The more you listen to self-doubt, the more you believe it and the more paralyzed you become.
Yes, self-doubt is loud, and self-doubt can be constant. But here is what self-doubt isn’t…
Self-doubt isn’t truth.
The brain science of self-doubt
Your brain doesn’t like uncertainty. When you think of doing something outside your comfort zone it triggers a fear response.
This underlying fear is processed in the amygdala as stress. Hormones, cortisol, and adrenaline ripple through the body, reinforcing initial thoughts of fear.
The more conscious you become of your fears, the less power the limbic system will have over you. The trick here is to see at that moment that you are not the fear and choose a different response.
Your brain creates new pathways and connections when you change the way you think and act. Every time you choose to act (despite the feeling of self-doubt) new neural pathways activate and your sense of self-worth strengthens.
Your brain pays attention to mistakes
One of our brain’s memory habits is to focus on our mistakes. Your brain pays more attention to the things you do wrong, so you’re more likely to remember them.
Memory is complex. The more that you focus on mistakes, the more those brain pathways reinforce. Which makes them stronger, which means you’re more likely to notice (and make) more mistakes.
Transform debilitating self-doubt into empowering self-belief
Here’s how:
Cultivate self-compassion
Your mind functions in the same way as other human minds. It either wanders and drifts off or it berates and chastises you. It can be helpful to ask yourself, “Is this thought true? Is this thought important? Is this thought helpful?”
When you notice you are stuck in a negative thought pattern, switch it to something more loving and compassionate.
Use this mantra ‘I love myself completely and unconditionally.’
It might feel odd but keep going it works. Your focus shifts from wherever you are — whether it’s anger or pain or fear, any form of darkness — to where you want to be. And your mind and body have no choice but to follow.
The central aspect of self-compassion involves treating yourself kindly even when things go wrong. Being critical of yourself does nothing but keep you stuck.
Dr. Kristen Neff’s work on self-compassion is groundbreaking. She was one of the very first researchers to define and measure self-compassion.
“Self-compassion means being gentle, kind, and understanding with yourself; accepting that you are not perfect; and understanding that there is potential for learning and growth in every mistake you make.” Neff, 2003
Practice gratitude
Remind yourself of what you’re grateful for in life to improve your mood and well-being. Keep a self-gratitude diary. Make a little time every day to remind yourself of a few things about yourself you’re grateful for.
Buy a small notebook that’s dedicated to self-gratitude. Set aside 5 minutes at the same time each day. Get out your pen, mark the date in the notebook, try to think of a few things about yourself you are grateful for, and jot them down.
The key here is consistency.
Sounds almost childlike in its simplicity. But it works.
Self-gratitude lists inoculate you from negativity. Once you’ve practiced this daily for a few weeks you won’t even remember why you were negative or depressed in the first place.
“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ― Louise Hay
Stop comparing yourself to others
When plagued with self-doubt, we feel stuck. We think we can’t do something. If we dig a bit deeper, we can find this belief arises from comparison. We think we can’t do it the way someone else does it. Or we can’t do it as well as someone else does.
We gauge success and failure by the norm, which is always set by others.
When you notice yourself comparing, try this trick: stop yourself. Tell yourself, “Stop that!” Think of all the things you DO have, the things you love, the people you have, the blessings that life has given you. Make this a regular practice, and you’ll start to be happier with your life.
Start believing in yourself
The only person that needs to believe in you is you.
Self-belief is about trusting yourself. To build your self-belief muscle start to look for evidence of why you can trust yourself. What happens when you allow self-doubt to run the show? Your mind filters out any trust experiences from your self-concept. Self-doubt then fills the mind with reasons why you can’t be trusted.
A simple, but very effective, exercise to fix that filter is to write down three reasons why you can trust yourself.
I do my best to think through decisions or I have survived some difficult situations in my life or others come to me for advice and trust my judgment.
List some examples to go with each item. Do this every day. You will grow a very long list of evidence against your self-doubting beliefs. At the end of each day read the list to yourself out loud.
After a couple of days, it can be a challenge to come up with new things to add to the list. This is when real growth and change start to occur. When it is difficult your mind is being forced to stretch. It’s the same as doing physical exercise, if it is too easy you don’t get any benefit. In the same way, mental exercises need to challenge to get the result you want.
“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” — E.E. Cummings
A former felon turned doctor and professor Dr. B J Davis is proof that anyone can transform self-doubt into self-belief.
“You can either let your past define you or refine you” — B.J. Davis
Change the things you can
Be mindful of what you have influence over, and what you don’t. Only focus on the things you can change.
There are a million things completely out of your control every day, no matter how much effort you put in. Ignore what’s outside of your influence, and move forward on the rest one step at a time. Ask yourself: ‘What’s my next step?’
You aren’t perfect and you never will be and that’s ok. If you look at it differently; imperfection is what makes you who you are, you already are perfect.
Its time to move forward with purpose
Imagine waking up tomorrow morning, but this time there is no feeling of dread and worry. Instead of groaning when your alarm goes off, you feel grateful and look forward to getting stuck into your day. You are doing work that you love and are excited to see what new opportunities this day will bring.
All because you’ve done the work to change the script from self-doubt to self-belief.
Not only are you doing what you love, but you feel confident in your decisions. And you are finally moving forward with a great sense of meaning and purpose in your life.
Sound impossible? It’s not.
Change is possible
Do the work, watch your thoughts, and filter out the stories that are stopping you from reaching your goals.
Remind yourself of the three little words.
‘I am enough.’
You’ve got this.
