How we heal from Heartbreak
JUNE….
Arguments turn into fights. Into screaming. Into tears. Into pain. Into goodbyes. Into a sad abyss. One where they are no longer around.
Who am I supposed to text now, about all those small little things?
I wake up in the morning with no energy in my bones. I don’t look forward to another day.
With a sad face, I lift open the laptop. Put in my muscle-memorized password and log in to work.
Time breezes past me but I’m back there in June. Stuck.
I log out. Put the screen down and cling to my bed again, face down, pillow moist.
Minutes pass. So do hours. Days. Weeks. Then months.
I step outside and walk on the streets alone. I spot a Decathlon and step inside to buy myself sporty clothes.
I tie my shoelaces and head to the gym. The tears have started drying, but it’s still melancholy.
I press START and the ground beneath me slides against my feet. I walk faster, I run, I slow down, press PAUSE. I catch up with my breath…I reach home and take a relaxing warm shower.
..DECEMBER
I wake up in the morning. The fresh, soft rays of the sun feel good on my skin . I drink coffee. I work out. The days are getting easier to pass.
I travel. From cramped Auto-rickshaw seats to train windows. To the rolling of suitcase wheels on smooth airport floors made of granite. To cafes, to the high mountains, to beaches, to touristy food, to colorful flea markets.
I enjoy a movie, I laugh at funny Reels. I see my two friends again. I can go an hour without thinking about it.
JUNE…
I wake up, I rise and stretch and look forward to another day of work. Of trying a new cuisine. Of spending more time with reading and writing.
I breathe easier, without feeling heavy in my chest. I learn to give myself a little (actually a LOT) more love over candle-lit dinners for myself. Over my morning me-time. Over the first bite of a steaming late night pizza.
I don’t text about those small little things, I write about them on Medium. On Instagram. In my little notebook.
Then one day, I meet him. Smile and laugh with him. We share small talk. Share our days. Share more of our lives over little cups of tea. Share jokes, Reels, memes.
We grow closer. We do not vibe instantly; our wavelengths (mostly) do not match. I don’t long to be around him 24*7.
There’s a strange (but good) sense of calm. Like placid lake water. Like letting your breath go after holding it very long. Like a cool breeze brushing past your face.
He grows on me bit by bit. Day by day. I teach myself to love him.
This time, I teach myself to love correctly.
Because now I love myself a lot more!
