How Your Lack Of Self-Love Is Holding You Back From Fulfilling Your Dreams
Loving yourself is no small thing
Loving yourself is no small thing. It took me years to understand this.
What’s to understand about loving yourself? Yeah, I know, it sounds easy now, but when you’re in the habit of not loving yourself, it’s hard to know where to start.
Everywhere we look nowadays, we see advertisements, blog posts, and self-help books on a zillion ways to love yourself, but this is a pretty new phenomenon — hence the popularity of the subject.
If you are a millennial reading this.. you might remember Jennifer Anniston in the famous L’Oreal commercial, saying, ‘Because I’m Worth It.’
You’d say, yeah, of course, I’m worth it!
You don’t bat an eyelid, but in the past, loving yourself was almost seen as a crime, and I’m sad to say that a lot of that teaching came from the church.
I’ve come a long way. Today, I love loving myself and encouraging others to do the same, especially older people, because they were condemned for loving themselves. It was seen as selfish and overindulgent.
Why it’s so important to love yourself
It’s important because it builds your confidence and self-esteem. Without love and appreciation for who you are, you cannot flourish.
A plant without nourishment cannot bloom.
So, loving yourself is not a small thing, because it involves more than simply being nice to yourself now and then. It goes much deeper than that. You have to see the value of who you are, with your own eyes, before you can expect anyone else to see it.
How can I see my own value?
Firstly, recognize that you are a miracle. You are unique — we all are. Look around and see the beauty in others and ask yourself, what gives them value, and what do I appreciate about them?
What makes you like another person?
You might say, ‘I like my mum because she’s kind, caring, and fun to be with, or ‘I like my boyfriend because he’s so thoughtful, interesting, creative and loving,’ etc.
Then look within yourself and see what qualities you have, and learn to love and appreciate them. The more you do this, the more you will come to like yourself and build the confidence to believe that you have high value, and the potential to do something great with your life.
Looking at it from the other standpoint. If we do not love ourselves or see the value in who we are, we can feel discouraged.
People who don’t love themselves, don’t get very far in life. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will and it will show up in everything you do.
Going for a job, choosing friends, romantic relationships, hobbies, and ultimately your life purpose. You won’t be able to push through because your lack of self-confidence will hold you back.
A lack of self-love has a knock-on effect, and no matter how hard you try to get what you want in life, it will keep pulling you back.
It will show up in different areas — how you look, what you do with your time, your career, where you live, who you live with, and what you achieve in life.
Everything comes down to how you see yourself.
Here are some signs that you might be suffering from a lack of self-love. If you spot yourself doing a number of these things, it may be time for you to start loving yourself more.
Signs that you might suffer from a lack of self-love
- You don’t follow your passions
- You don’t know yourself
- You don’t like your job
- You attract friends who have a low self-esteem
- You shy away from opportunities that would enhance your life
- You lack ambition and zeal
- You are critical of yourself and others
- You don’t enjoy your own company
- You crave praise
- You look for validation outside of yourself
- You fear confrontation
- You don’t ask for what you need in relationships
- You tolerate unacceptable behavior
- You envy others who have the courage to go for their dreams
- You feel lonely, but choose not to do anything about it
- You get bored easily
- You don’t take pride in your appearance
- You don’t look after your health
When we don’t love ourselves, we make poor decisions which can lead us into dangerous situations, such as abusive relationships, rotten jobs, addictive behaviors, anxiety, depression, and sadly, even suicide.
Loving yourself will teach you to put your own well-being first. Many people with low self-worth spend their time and energy trying to please others who simply don’t appreciate their efforts.
It’s a strange paradox that when we over-give to others, we receive less and less in return. People who don’t love themselves tend to give to others in the hope of getting the same back, but this always backfires.
‘Over-giving shows that you don’t feel worthy of this person’s love.’ (Susan Winter)
It’s like trying to buy love. You don’t want people to want you for the wrong reasons. It’s much nicer to give your time and energy to people who are worthy of you — people who have earned your love and respect.
Once you have established trust in a relationship, then you can give more freely, but people who don’t value themselves over-give in their relationships, which leaves them feeling drained and unfulfilled.
Over-giving is a sign of insecurity and it will only push people away as they will feel pressured by your neediness.
So, give yourself a chance and learn to love yourself more.
You could start by doing some things alone.
This is a great way to build self-confidence and get to know yourself better.
