I Am Feeling Sad Today
But I am not alone
The day is lovely around my cottage nestled in the foothills. The air is somewhat silver from an overcast sky — it’s what I call a gentle day. The forest around me is starting to come alive. The unfurling of new leaves on the boughs of the maples and great oaks has begun and the dogwoods are in bloom. They are such graceful trees of white flowers. I am in my own little paradise and I am so lucky.
I am a writer and again, I am lucky, because that is all I want to be. My office is a long windowed sun room overlooking the forest. There are doors on either end of the room, and I often have them open to enjoy a cross breeze. Today, my doors are open. Today, there is a breeze. And it is so nice.
I am writing a series called, The Other Shoes of Larry Martin. I started with a small idea and decided to write it. But then, something happened. As I wrote, I knew it was no longer going to be a short story. I saw a lot to work with in developing my character and his story. I continued to write, feeling such joy. The words came to me easily. Then, I finished Book One. Book Two. Book Three. And now, I am soon to finish Book Four.
Fourteen months of pure writing. I am so lucky to be able to do this. I have the support of my family. I have everything I need and I feel so lucky that I do.
Suddenly, the coronavirus has come.
Shattering my peace. My family’s. And that of the entire world.
I am reading that many people cannot get food. Many people are being laid off. Small businesses are starting to go under. Some people, like my daughter, have lost so much in their 401k’s — her life savings — that it’s utterly devastating. Then, there’s the homeless people; their plight breaking my heart. I look around the world with my fingers at my lips in horror.
I look at my own family and I feel fear. We have a couple of small businesses in southern construction and NY based media. All our projects in media production have stopped cold. This means no work or income. My husband is worried the suppliers of his southern business will close. If they do, we are truly out of business. No work. No income. I don’t know what will happen to us.
Millions of people are in our shoes, in one form or another. Closed down. Laid off. No income. I wonder how long this can go on and how we are all going to survive.
I am lucky though. I do have food. I know I can last a month to six weeks if I ration carefully. After that, well, I will find out. But at least I have this much. So, I am lucky.
For today, at least, I have everything that I need. But so many do not. For today, at least, I am in my cozy little paradise, safe inside, with a mug of warm soup next to me on my desk. But there are also so many who do not even have soup, so I am lucky.
But today, I am also feeling sad. I know I’m not alone. Not even remotely. I won’t tell my family I’m feeling this way. No. I love them so much. And because I am at the center of them, I must keep my smile.
But I have a need to tell someone …
I am feeling sad today. And I’m guessing, you are too.
