I am not schizophrenic, I travel.
And speak various languages.
“As many languages you know, as many times you are a human being”
— Tomáš Garrigue Masaryk
I am French. So I am rude and I smoke a lot. I also obviously complain all the time, go on strike as soon as I can and am very judgy.
I can already see the educated, open-minded, socially aware people raising their eyebrows in discontent: “ Wow! that woman and her stereotypes! Correlating her nationality and her personality like this… Shameful!”
Just bear with me for a second:
1) Stereotypes are not all without foundation. They stem from the need to organise people into groups to get a better grasp of the world. To create those categories, we base ourselves on what we hear from other people, on our experiences and on assumptions we make from all of this.
2) Sometimes, these stereotypes are a genuine reflection of a people and its culture. They can be explained through historical, geographical or environmental reasons.
After all, the French did get their king guillotined because they were unhappy about the monarchy.
3) We point the finger at people using stereotypes only when those have a negative connotation. But if I were to say that the French are romantic, the Germans organised, the Brazilians joyful, the Canadians diplomatic and the Swiss pacifist, nobody would get offended.
Still, let me rephrase my first sentence: I am French, and as such, it was culturally acceptable and socially normal that I smoke a lot, complain, judge, go on strike… Better?
Then I went to live abroad. My reality changed. I changed.
Going to Switzerland for a ski weekend is not enough to make you a pacifist, but I believe living in a different country, understanding its culture and learning the language foster growth and generate changes in one’s personality.
To the extent that some people will know you and at the same time feel they don’t. The transformation is rapid. So much so, that you wonder how to define your identity. Different people in different countries will know different versions of you.
Are you schizophrenic? No, just a traveller who speaks various languages.
Be aware of who you are and detach yourself from that construct.
After all, if you want to stay the same and learn nothing, you can do it from home…
It has now been twelve years that I live abroad. Scotland, Mexico, Dubai, Brasil. For different lengths of time.
I was not even aware of most of the things that could be changed (for the better) in my personality. Only by travelling (not touristing, God forbid!) was I able to see some flaws that directly related to my culture. But also, only by discovering other cultures was I able to understand better my own and see the beauty of it.
In each country, I started by being a proper misfit. Too openly judgy in Scotland, too mouthy in Mexico, too laid back in Dubai and well, a backpacker in Brasil (that by itself puts you in a special category).
Some people like feeling miserable. I don’t. Hence my rather obvious choice to better understand my host country’s culture or, as defined by Mirriam Webster: “ the integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behaviour that depends upon the capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations”.
A few sprinkles of experiences I had with the locals, tablespoons of what I had heard about them (from them and from others) and a pinch of my own assumptions. Wait a minute… That sounds like a recipe for stereotype!
It sure is, but believe me, it is as good a start as another, as long as you remember that “The only constant in life is change” (ie: don’t assume that your assumptions are forever valid!)
Then, and it might seem obvious to you, I had to:
1) evaluate who I was to start with and,
2) introspect as to whether or not I was ready to let go of some of my identity traits or, on the other hand, acquire new ones.
Easier said than done. I enjoyed complaining almost as much as I liked blue cheese.
This self-awareness concept is confirmed in a Harvard Business Review article, stating that by living abroad, “someone’s understanding of himself or herself is “clearly and confidently defined, internally consistent, and temporally stable”. They also add: “ Self-concept clarity has been linked to a host of benefits, such as psychological well-being, the ability to cope with stress, and job performance”.
After the introspection and self-awareness comes the questioning time. Is it necessary to stay as I am? Could it be beneficial to change? Then it is “only” a matter of letting go and making our ego understand that we don’t know it all.
Become a quiet, humble observer.
Even if you deeply believe that you’re awesome and know best.
When I first arrived in Mexico, I did not speak any Spanish, had no clue about food, climate, laws, humour, bureaucracy… A blessing in disguise. I had to listen, observe, constantly ask for explanations and simplifications (in a weird mixture of French, English and newly acquired words in Spanish. Apologies to those who had to hear that…)
I was a child again, who does not know anything and soaks in all the information she can, in order to be able to find her way to the adult world.
In a fast-forward version (Mum and Dad were not here to hold my hand and I had bills to pay…).
Human beings are social animals, we naturally try to get closer to people, to create bonds, our survival instinct dictates it.
Reproducing others’ behaviours helps being accepted and feeling we belong.
I ended up realising that raising my fist in the air and calling for a revolution in Mexico would only empty the tables around me (for the love of me, I could not understand how all of a sudden nobody was inviting me anymore!) and that stating very openly my disagreement would make people feel like I hated them (when originally, for me, it is a sign of appreciation: “I like you enough to use my time and energy to disagree with you, rather than not giving a damn”…)
I witnessed and absorbed the pleasant chit-chats, the way people answer “no pasa nada”* to even the biggest drama in their life, the magnificent excuses to not hurt someone’s feelings by saying “No”…, the use of “ahorita”* to not put any time pressure on people, the never being on time to not be annoyed at that person who will arrive later than you, the happily welcoming 23 people of which you know 6, in your studio big enough for 7, the going out for a beer on the 15th after work because this is when everyone gets paid, and the letting them drive you home no matter how strong and independent you think you are…
Before I knew it, I was mimicking what I could see around me. Some of it became second nature. Some of it I fully rejected and some I use when I feel like it.
I went through the same process in each country, and each time, I am gaining more insight as to who I am, what my values are, what I want to stand for and how versatile my personality can be. Each time, I also add more to my personality, like a new accessory.
Learn the language.
It could make you fitter and eager to save money!
It is important to note that it is more specifically the languages that allow me to stay me but switch from one facette of my personality to the next.
According to Mykhailyuk, O., and H. Pohlod, “Each language is another personality as each language has its own distinctive way of expressing ideas. Varying grammar structures force the speaker to rethink how they emphasise certain ideas, and words can have different etymologies which, even if only on a subconscious level, affects the associations you have with them. As a result, an important part of language learning is embracing these personality changes and being comfortable with them. Experience prompts that people who are ‘fluent’ in a language are generally those who adopt the mentality of a speaker of a different language, their delivery improves, along with their grammar, pronunciation, and of course confidence.”
For Lera Boroditsky:
“When you’re learning a new language, you’re not simply learning a new way of talking, you are also inadvertently learning a new way of thinking.”
In my case, English is very result-oriented as its main purpose was study and work. The obvious consequence is that I tend to be more direct, sharper when I express myself in English.
Spanish, in some ways, is entertainment-oriented: I learnt it through immersion, by exchanging with locals, always in a very relaxed environment, without the pressure of always being perfectly clear or concise (which would, on the other hand, be a requirement for work). So when I speak Spanish, I liven up, my body speaks with me, I laugh more, my tone of voice is different. I also allow myself to make more mistakes, hesitate, which in turn makes me friendlier.
As to French, my native language, it allows me to express feelings better, be more subtle when I need to (breadth of vocabulary), but it is also a language where I tend to be more formal due to my upbringing and the culture of the country itself.
Yes, you got it right, you would rather get to know the Spanish speaking version of me!
It goes beyond the how you learnt the language.
Chen very interestingly talks about the way the structure of the language itself shapes our behaviours but also more widely the culture of a country and therefore a people, in his research on “The Effect of Language on Economic Behavior”. He takes as examples our propensity to save or be healthy as direct consequences of using certain grammatical tenses:
“Languages that grammatically associate the future and the present, foster future-oriented behavior[…]Empirically, speakers of such languages save more, retire with more wealth, smoke less, practice safer sex, and are less obese.”
He further explains:
“If grammatically separating the future and the present leads speakers to disassociate the future from the present, this would make the future feel more distant, and since saving involves current costs for future rewards, would make saving harder. On the other hand, some languages grammatically equate the present and future. Those speakers would be more willing to save for a future which appears closer.”
Now you know why you smoke so much and your bank account is always so depresssed…
Just as a side note, when you have to make an important decision, try to do it in a second language, it will most probably be more rational as it won’t be affected by the emotional side of your mother tongue…
Experience living abroad and choose what personality you want to wear.
Yes, like you choose whether you will wear Louboutin stilettos or Nike trainers.
For most, staying in our home country, surrounded by people that are similar to us and share the same sense of culture is reassuring. At the same time, that comfort zone tends to slow growth. Living abroad (not just “touristing”) allows us to get out of that comfort zone, redefine our own boundaries and consequently our sense of self.
For me, this chameleon-like feeling is impressive, having more breadth to who I am thanks to the countries I visit and the languages I speak, while getting a clearer sense of who I am and why I act in certain ways is fascinating.
And even though my oldest friends sometimes say they find me changed, none of them thinks it is for worse but rather for better.
Moreover, that scope of personalities allows me to adapt in much easier ways to a variety of situations, in more peaceful ways.
Those languages are like accessories I decide when to wear and for what purpose.
So when I go back home, I still know how to complain, but it is now a conscious choice of behaviour rather than an unconscious social construct ingrained in my personality.
I can’t wait to see what Portuguese and Brasil are going to bring me. I can already feel this sense of profound happiness crippling on me despite the Saudade that is so specific to them that the word does not even translate into other languages.
What about you? What countries changed you the most? What language do you prefer using and in what setting? Leave a comment, I’m interested. (I need to decide what I learn next!)
* “no pasa nada”: translates as “It’s all good”, “no worries”.
- You have to leave five minutes earlier than planned from your daily tea with Gran? No pasa nada.
- You crashed your car in Gran’s living-room but everyone is still alive? No pasa nada.
* “ahorita”: It took me more than six months to get some sort of understanding of that one!
Literally “small now” or “dear now”, otherwise known as “now-ish” or “in a bit”. Can express the present (now-now), the future(in one, five, ten, fourty-five minutes, two days, a week, a month…) or the past (anytime before now that you do not necessarily want to specify). It can also mean never.
Facial expressions, voice tone, guesswork and advanced shamanic skills are useful to analyse the exact value of an “ahorita”. Always easier with palm reading abilities.
Sources:
Adam, H., Obodaru, O., G. Lu, J., Maddux,W., and Galinsky, A.“How Living Abroad Helps You Develop a Clearer Sense of Self.” Harvard Business Review, 22 May 2018, hbr.org/2018/05/how-living-abroad-helps-you-develop-a-clearer-sense-of-self.
Boroditsky, Lera. “How Language Shapes The Way We Think”. IRL @ UMSL, 2020, https://irl.umsl.edu/oer/13/.
Chen, M., “The Effect of Language on Economic Behavior: Evidence from Savings Rates, Health Behaviors, and Retirement Assets.” Microeconomics: General Equilibrium & Disequilibrium Models of Financial Markets eJournal (2013): n. pag.
Mykhailyuk, O., and H. Pohlod. “The Languages We Speak Affect Our Perceptions Of The World”. Journal Of Vasyl Stefanyk Precarpathian National University, vol 2, no. 2–3, 2015, pp. 36–41. Vasyl Stefanyk Precarpathian National University, doi:10.15330/jpnu.2.2–3.36–41.
Veltkamp, Gladys & Recio, Guillermo & Jacobs, Arthur & Conrad, Markus. (2013). Is personality modulated by language?. International Journal of Bilingualism. 17. 496–504. 10.1177/1367006912438894.
