I am suffering from success anxiety
I am fearful of my success!
I’m struggling to get my thoughts out on this white, blank screen.
I had tried hard to write something about anything in the past three days but to no avail.
I’m afraid, afraid of the unknown.
When I first started writing on medium, I was filled with the elements of excitement and hope; I was excited to let my thoughts out in the open, and I was hoping to get a view or two.
But now,
I’m crushing under the pressure of meeting the expectations of my followers and myself.
People are watching me; they are mapping my every activity! I’m under the spotlight!
I am not habitual of being under the spotlight…
…I am well aware that I don’t deserve this applause and appreciation, and I may not live up to people’s expectations!
…I want to write about valuable stuff for my audience, and not be self-centered all the time.
But in one way or another,
my fears and concerns always take the charge of my train of thoughts!
What if I have become successful? Someone whispers within me.
What if my story has gone viral?
What would I do then?
How would I then rebuild myself anew?
My self-image, my excuses, and my self-assumed limitations all would then render hollow.
I should not play this risky game in which there is a 50% chance of success — my mind keeps on suggesting me.
I AM AFRAID, AFRAID OF MY SUCCESS!
Whenever I start a thing, be it anything…
I don’t decide to win it,
I just hope not to fail!
and this has become my lifestyle! my identity!
Yet,
I was curious,
I was curious to find out if fear of success is a real thing?
and my curiosity had led me to google my mental condition,
and guess what?
I found an article that resonated with me!
(Or perhaps I fell into the trap of confirmation bias, I don’t know…)
Fear of success, the article says, is when you have an ongoing fear of succeeding, so much so that you might be inadvertently self-sabotaging.
It’s not that you think you’re incapable of succeeding.
Rather, you are afraid of the changes that success may bring and consider yourself incapable of handling it.
I’m afraid of the change success might bring,
I’m afraid of leaving my comfort zone,
I’m afraid of being in the spotlight,
I’m afraid of letting my self-identity be destroyed,
I’m afraid of everything but FAILURE…!
Do you also suffer from success anxiety? or is it just me? 😨
let me know in the comment box.
Thank you for reading!
If you enjoyed my story then don’t forget to subscribe to my email.
Also, be my friend on Twitter :)
