I Can No Longer Hide This
It is time to practice what I have preached
I have been dealing with a ton of fear and anxiety lately, which feels kind of odd because I couldn’t fathom being accustomed to either, since I had been smiling at their faces and defying them in the most exhilarating ways known to man my entire life.
I haven’t shared much about myself yet but I sure will have to indulge in it at some point. The sheltered, self-conscious, and guarded parts of me have refused to comply with this new norm I have decided to subscribe to, which I don’t necessarily think is bad. When you want to stand in your truth you can be raw, selfless, honest, or fearful and cautious. You can find an equal amount of drive in strength and comfort or the unknown and skepticism.
I have often let my imposter syndrome take the lead and stifle me from experimenting with more of my creative side simply because I was dealing with fear-based emotions such as anxiety, bashfulness, and depression and never wanted the world to see me as my true self because I dreaded being judged or scrutinized. Realistically, this is inevitable because all of us have insecurities and adhere to different values and thought processes, so why should I obsessively care?
I have now come to realize that the only favors I could do to the world, as well as myself, are not only to stand strong in my uniqueness by exposing who I am but also to accept that I have a great story to tell and am ready to share my talents and wisdom wholeheartedly because nothing should ever be in the way of stepping into my purpose. I have been fortunate to learn a ton of valuable lessons on how to master fear but never was able to dig deeper into the root emotions that have restrained me from harnessing all of the light I was blessed with up until a few years back.
What I have finally been able to gather after all this time is that the only effective remedy is found in authenticity. I had built such a strong shell around who I wanted the world to see me as that I held myself captive and failed to address the core issues that kept me at a standstill as a result. I thought I knew more than I actually do but life has shown me that being true to self, kind and humble are the only ways through which I may find glory and grace.
I have been dealing with a ton of fear because I have accepted I am no longer dependent on excuses and have come to realize I am powerful beyond measure and that power can help others find theirs. All of my years of experience, failures, and self-inflicted painful narratives have led me to this point in my life and career. I often wondered why things were so hard on me, but understood that this was only my doing and that the only way I could outgrow my fear is by transitioning from selfless to selfish. What I thought was breaking me down was actually building me up into becoming my greatest version.
Being selfless is one of the greatest qualities one can possess in my opinion, but in my selflessness, I became extremely self-conscious and denied myself the opportunity to admit it. When I realized that there was a benefit to being selfish, I understood that I had been lying to myself and the world all along.
This is a pledge to myself that I will always be who I am, whether it is well-received or not. I am no longer letting my insecurities drive my life but giving my spirit the ability to lead me to my purpose. I have found great success in my career and many aspects of my personal life but I have also experienced a great deal of hardship that turned me numb and cold at times. Being vulnerable is not easy or comfortable but neither can it be a choice. This next phase of life I am entering although may feel uncomfortable no longer frightens or debilitates me from fully embracing my calling.
I am used to pushing boundaries on a physical level but the time has now come to translate all I have known into actionable steps that can be emulated by anyone that seeks solace and transformation. The work I have been doing all these years has allowed me to transcend my life in the most beautiful and rewarding ways because I have finally chosen to embrace my truth and show others how to embrace theirs.
I have been working on a new project that I have been very anxious to share but that is the culmination of my trials, errors, and successes in life. The lessons I have been able to learn by constantly having to be uncomfortable and the benefits I have gained from my practices, how this has helped me turn my life around, and why this is most necessary in this current climate.
I will soon be able to share more and hope to find support in this amazing community.
Thank you for reading.
I am on a mission to serve and empower as many people as possible until I can’t do so anymore (999,999 + 1 to be exact). I am not a writer, but I am a passionate human being who likes to share his thoughts through writing and speaking forms. Follow me on this journey and let’s enjoy the ride together. Please connect with me if you have any comments or suggestions, as I would be glad to receive any of your feedback.
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